Got to set some boundries

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Abbey, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    My inlaws own the house I'm living in, and they live a stones throw away. They are very lovely, caring people...but...they have a set of keys to my house.

    Yesterday, after job hunting all morning, I was a bit tired. It was REALLY muggy after yet another rain storm so I decided to take a nap. I purposely locked both doors, closed my bedroom door, stripped down and started to dose off. I had a fan on so you can't really hear noise outside.

    All of a sudden I hear a knock, knock, knock on my bedroom door. "Helloooo!!! We're here!!!" I hear the doorknob starting to turn and I'm frantically looking for any blanket in arms length. Fortunately found one.

    Their intentions were good. They came to fix the kitchen sink which wasn't working, but WORK WITH ME HERE. They have this new invention called a CELL PHONE, which we bought both of you one. I know you know how to use it as you called me constantly when I was out of state. Believe it or not, it still works when I'm 2 doors down.

    So I quickly get dressed and go out to see father in law standing there with some Roter Rooter thingy and my mother in law with tea and crumble cake. Externally, I'm nice!! Internally...well...I'm having visions of sporks.

    I've got to set some boundaries with them. They constantly come over to invite me to breakfast, church, garage sales, lunch, dinner, etc. I appreciate their generosity, but I would like some home alone time. mother in law looked over and saw I had a crock pot of spaghetti sauce going. She looks kind of disappointed and says, "'re cooking? We were hoping you'd come to dinner." No, Ma. Not tonight.

    Other ones are:

    I saw your light on at 4am. Can't you sleep? (Why are you watching my house at 4am?)

    Do you want to go curtain shopping? (Loads of fun there!!)

    How about we go shopping early tomorrow for an interview suit. ('s a flipping grocery store. You don't wear a suit.)

    I've had this hairdresser for 20 years. Does my hair for $6. Do you want to go meet her? (

    My sorority (yes, MB I know I probably spelled that wrong) sisters are having our weekly meeting on Thursday. Want to come along? (No.)

    Like I said, very nice, genuine people...BUT LET ME DECOMPRESS!! And, give me my space. We're going to have a chat.

    She's probably noticing that it is 4:32am and my light is on.

  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    (ok...I'm replying to my own post.)

    Here's another one.

    mother in law says, "I noticed there were ashes on the back porch. Did you have friends over?"


    Yeah, Ma. I went to the corner bar where they serve 25cent beers and picked up this 60 year old grimy overweight farmer with stained teeth in overalls and brought him home on day 2 of being here. I don't waste time. I'm pretty proficient. He needed a smoke after we 'got it on.'


  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Abbey, sweetie, you're in Midwest overload. Fond du Lac is an extremely close knit & friendly town. (Both my sister & brother live in a small town about 15 miles from there.)

    Your mother in law will relax & so will you. Ask mother in law for some time to recoup from your trip & to get your bearings. Chances are she's just as nervous having you there as you are to be there so close.

    Next time I drive through I expect to meet for coffee. Hope you have your curtains up by then. ;)
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    When we moved to Spokane we weren't very far away from my former inlaws (but blessedly we were farther away than 2 doors down!). My mother in law was so tickled that we were in the area that they also wanted constant contact. It took a long time for them to adjust and realize that we had a life outside of them.

    I wish you luck, Abbey. It's a fine line when you're drawing boundaries and not wanting to hurt feelings. But walking into you house unannounced? I'd not be happy at all about that.

    Unpack your granny pants and sporks...

  5. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Suz, I think that is it. They are so happy to have their 'family' back home that they want to smother us. Keep in mind that I have two mother in law's to deal with and they both want to smother. They can't be in the same room together, so it's duel family meetings. I really appreciate their generosity, but I need some space.

    Ok...only to get some sleep.

  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Boy do I know how you feel! My house is directly across the street from my Dad and sister. Before I got laid off, husband and I would occasionally plan a hooky day and sleep in late and eventually get up, hit a movie, the batting cages, the driving range or the arcade and just horse around for the day.

    Every time we did this the phone would start ringing and we'd here "I see both of the cars are there, I know you're there, can you hear me?, can husband give me a hand with (whatever)," If we ignored the phone, the front door would open and there they'd be.

    Well, at my bridal shower, my best friend got this hysterical "dirty movie" and put it in the wishing well. I dug it out and was ready for the next hooky day.

    First the phone call, then the front door, and from upstairs all you heard was "ugh, ugh, Ohhhh, Ohhhhh, Ohhhh" with some really bad loud thumping music in the background.

    We lost it when we heard the front door close.

  7. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Okay, two, get a deadbolt lock for the bedroom door, so if they want to come in the house they can, but can't get into your bedroom......two, put on your best hoarse voice and mention that you have a bug and would hate for anyone to catch if your job comes thru you may get caught on this one, then you come up with a speedy recovery........are they allergic to anything? Mold in the house? and you just signed up to do a research study on the effects, so just you and husband in the house to keep the surroundings controlled.........can you tell I have lived with a difficult child who concocted some great stories?

    Best of luck in new surroundings and sometimes being near relatives is a little too much of a good some point squabbles will begin and boundaries will be drawn.......until then practice your "smiley" face........
  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Weren't those ashes someone who entered your home unannounced? If you have to resort to that with loving relatives than their ashes get to be put on the FRONT porch.

    Try getting a "Do Not Disturb" sign to put out? (Front door, back door, and bedroom door)

    My mother in law would start calling our house at 1:30 pm on Fridays. One time I answered, "Oh, I didn't think anyone was home!" "Then WHY are you calling?" She was very snoopy but because I did not like her, I was able to easily and happily set the boundaries.

    I don't know, I will need to think about this one.
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Abbey, I really think you just need to spit it out to them. Tell them how much you love being able to see them more now and how grateful you are to be living close to family and in their home. And in the next breath, tell them that you also value your alone time. Simple tell them that you need to time to decompress and be by yourself to recoup from your day/and sometimes sleepless nights. Ask them politely to please phone you before coming over, that sometimes you're napping, showering or vacuuming in all your Godessness. . .

    Bottom line: Be honest now - do not make up excuses or stories because those just become another burden. If you can't be honest with those you love and those who love you, who can you be honest with??

    We live in a home that is owned by H's dad and thankfully, they live in FL, so there is no fears of them walking in on us. When they do visit, it's usually only for a few days and they usually stay at an Inn. Thankfully. I need my space at the end of the day!
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm just glad you like your mother in law's enough to not want to tick them off when you set the boundaries.

    Personally, with mine...I couldn't care less. Makes it easier, tho. ROFL
  11. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    We do have a 'do not disturb' sign on the bathroom door. ;)

    I will chat with mother in to find the right time.

  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Timewise? You are still on Las Vegas/DJ time and are trying to adjust your clock. Which includes stripping naked in the middle of the day to take a nap on top of the covers or on the sofa in the living room. Perhaps father in law doesn't want to walk in on that? If so, they might want to call before they drop by next time. I mean, after all, you totally got used to only the neighbor man walking in on you with your bloomers as an outfit in Vegas, you're not used to family finding you that way!

  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    LOL. I know, this is supposed to be serious, but I DO love the story about bringing home a slimebucket geek from a bar.
    I'd suggest old lady pants up to your boobs and ratted hair to scare them off, but then your m-i-l would just insist on taking you to her $6 hairdresser, and then shopping, because even grocery store clerks must wear nice panties ...

    I vote for the lock on the bedroom door, along with-a cassette tape of very loud snoring that you could place outside the door ...
  14. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    This keeps reminding me of "Everybody Loves Raymond," LOL

    But it is NOT funny, as that is what always happened at our old house. mother in law used to call and say "who is there in that blue truck?" Not to mention the one time that she barged in and complained to husband that she was trying to find him, and the bedroom was locked. She asked why the door was locked in the middle of the afternoon. husband told her we were "taking a nap." hee hee

    I like the idea of napping naked on the sofa in the front room.
  15. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Maybe all it takes is the Granny Pants Guy story. End with, "And he being the fast learner he is knew better than to walk in on me unannounced again! We laugh everytime we think about it. Wonder who will catch me in my skivvies next?"

    Then if they don't take the hint spell it out to them. "That GPG story - that really happened - I am a natural gal and am not always presentable while at home, please call ahead or wait until I get to the door or there may be some embarrassing stories."
  16. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Alright Terry...cough up the story. Inquiring minds want to know.

    I'm going to wait to have the 'chat' until husband gets here. I don't want it to appear to just be me. He's sick of it too.

  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That would be so annoying-my in-laws would never do that but if I lived near my mom she would and it would drive me crazy!!
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wait, Abbey, that was YOUR story, LOL!

    Yeah, Ma. I went to the corner bar where they serve 25cent beers and picked up this 60 year old grimy overweight farmer with stained teeth in overalls and brought him home on day 2 of being here. I don't waste time. I'm pretty proficient. He needed a smoke after we 'got it on.'
  19. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Ok...I reread. I thought you said YOU had one of those stories.

    No, none of that here. I figure if you pick up a guy in a 25cent beer bar, you get what you get...and that's not what I want. ;)

    I was waiting for some sorrid story.

  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Abbey....I have similar problems only they arent with mother in law or father in law's. I just have neighbors or friends of the kids who either pop in or think they live here and think nothing of walking into my house completely unannounced.

    Now it should be no shock to anyone who knows me and my family that we could almost pass for nudists. I hate clothes...especially in the summer. I am extremely hot natured and the hotter I get, the more clothes I shed! Its not uncommon to find me wandering the house in the late evenings or early mornings in nothing but a short tee shirt and no undies!!!! Sometimes I dont even have that on. Tony has been known to get up in the middle of the night half asleep to go get a drink from the fridge in his (And stop to take a leak out the front door!) Good thing we live in the country!

    I cant tell you how many times I have been sitting at the computer and someone has walked in my house and Im sitting here half naked. I just look at them and keep on typing. I figure its my house and if they have a problem they can either leave or not look. The only time I actually got somewhat embarrassed was the time I got woke up by the electric guy and I am pretty sure I went outside to talk to him and I was only in a tee shirt and no