Hanging on by a thread.........

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Jan 3, 2011.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Barely, just barely. The unemployment extension passed but husband's claim has been pending. Now it's being audited although it says how much he is supposed to get ect. We've been 3 wks without a check and if it weren't for his social security we'd be on the street literally. My water will be shut off tomorrow unless husband can talk the water company into holding off for a bit. Very unlikely as ours is notorious for shutting it off if you're 1 day late, no warning. If they won't wait he'll have to go to community action and ask them to help pay it to keep it on, then pray they have the funds to do so. With it being the new year I'm hoping that is a plus. I haven't had trash service in so long I have a mountain growing.......(xmas didn't help with that lol) My cabinets and frig are barren. We've been eating some creative meals.

    This is going to sound odd but I refuse to worry simply because there isn't a darn thing I can do about it. All I can do is study for my state boards so I can take the exam and get a job. I've been helping babysit easy child's boys and she pays me but it's not much and she can't pay me again until the end of the month due to her own issues.

    So my brother brings my mom over to visit. Now that didn't really kick up any anxiety as mom is someone who eats out and stays at a hotel which means she rarely eats my food, so I didn't have to worry about cooking for her. First day of the visit went well. She got the generation pics she wanted done and treated us to a meal out.

    This morning she shows up and tells me we're going grocery shopping and she's not taking no for an answer. Now normally I'd still tell her no and refuse. And the thought did cross my mind as husband and I were going to go apply for emergency food stamps today if his unemployment didn't shift out of audit. But when you're completely out of milk, bread, eggs, cheese, butter, sugar.......well meals get really creative and harder to make. So I figured I could hoover up my pride and keep it to a short but necessary list. Nope. Mom told me at the store I was to fill 2 shopping carts full of food and we weren't leaving until we did. She had my brother back her up. My mom is not a wealthy woman by a long shot and since my step dad's kids stole more than half her inheritance I know she's not got the money my sibs belive she has........so I attempted to argue. And I got nowhere.

    So I used my wild card on her and told her I'm not like my sister and I wasn't going to take advantage of her that we'd survive with my small list. So she responds that she knows I'm nothing like my sister and says that she knows we're waiting for the unemployment to kick in, but when it does we've got bills that need to be paid yesterday and then probably won't have money to eat. So if she bought the food we need, then when the checks kick back in we can concentrate on bills.

    First the dentures/dentist and now this..........I swear I don't know what has come over the woman, she's like a total stranger.

    Well there was no winning the battle.........so I filled those carts with 300.00 worth of food (OMG) that will last us at least a month or more. So we won't be starving, although I've got to call the human society and see if they (hopefully) will give us some food for the dogs and the cat to hold us over......cuz I really don't think ours does that but I'm desperate as they're being rationed and that is running out fast. (supplemented with scraps of course they're not going hungry) Mom draws the line at buying for pets.

    easy child's husband is facing a definite permanent "layoff" from the airline he works for as a mechanic due to this wonderful economy of ours. He took a chance and applied at another place that is actually closer and ships freight and packages via air. He has an interview for thursday. yay!

    easy child's hospital was bought out by a larger hospital based in cincy and evidently they're shaking the place up with staff cuts (when they were already seriously short staffed) pay cuts, ect. easy child applied for her dream job as a cardiac care nurse in a highly reputable hospital in dayton. She interviewed last week with them. She called me this afternoon to tell me she got the job!! They're also moving back into the little house they own and have been renting out in order to cut their monthly bills down until the economy picks up and they can sell it. Which removes them completely from a mess her mother in law got her caught up in.

    Katie called today to ask if we could give her a ride to the school in the morning to enroll the kids. She already has her medical card. (something she couldn't seem to accomplish after 6 wks in dayton) She's got 2 doctor appoints for tomorrow too and is going to apply for the HUD apartments. She sounded absolutely cheerful on the phone. They love the shelter compared to the others they've stayed in.

    And this will blow many of you away............She offered to use her food stamps to buy husband and I food if we needed it until his unemployment check comes in since we've done so very much to help them. A good sign coming from Katie........maybe there is the remote possibility she is learning something through all of this afterall.......

    When I was chatting with Nichole giving her all the latest news she goes wow mom that's great but it really hoovers for you and dad, everyone else seems to be looking up and yours seems to be getting worse. :sigh:

    And yeah.......I guess maybe it is. It will be fine if they'd just let us have his stinking unemployment checks and the now back pay. ugh! If they make us wait much longer we're going to be in serious doo doo. If husband hadn't kept the bills paid up the way I demanded he do, we'd already be in serious doo doo.

    Worry? Naw. No point. It doesn't change anything and it doesn't make it better, it just makes you feel worse. I learned how to ride these waves years ago. It will be what it will be, all I can do is what I can do.

    So I guess that is our update such as it is.

    Oh...........and what is up with people cleaning my house?? Seriously? It wasn't dirty, I swear. Ok cluttered a bit. lol But I had to dash out tonight to go watch easy child's boys after supper.........and poor easy child had 3 patients all go very bad on her at once and so was very late in coming home........and I get her and I find that my mom, my brother, and my neice all cleaned my house spotless!!

    Maybe I should take my pulse? Did I enter the Twilight Zone? What? :rofl:
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Just enjoy it, Lisa! You've had a hard row to hoe lately...glad you've gotten some relief. Fingers crossed husband's unemployment gets resolved quickly...we're waiting on Hubby's extension as well. Got a check today for $30...and I don't get paid till the end of the month.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    WOW! That is a lot all at once! I am sorry things are so tight financially. It really stinks. I hope the unemployment comes in ASAP. As for your mom, maybe she has seen the way things really are - the way your sibs have taken advantage of her and the way you have not regardless of how much you have struggled. How you have always been there no matter how bad she got or what she needed.

    I am glad that easy child got her dream job and I hope she loves it as much as she thinks she will. I am sure she will be awesome in that position! I hope her husband gets the job he interviews for also.

    Sounds like positive steps for katie also - that is HUGE and AMAZING!!! Do you have OCEAN Dental there? Here it is a BIG dental practice that only takes medicaid/soonercare/medicare patients. That is ALL. It started in our town and has grown hugely. The husband of a girl I went to school with saw the need and when his practice started having trouble he changed it to only take medicare, etc... He had a lot of patients with other insurance who either couldn't pay the copays or the insurance denied the claim in spite of preapprovals. In less than 1 year he went from being the only dentist to having 4 others to now having a huge company. That company may not be in OH, but I bet that a similar practice that only takes medical cards is somewhere that you can get to.

    Have katie check to see if there is a ride program. Here we can call a day in advance and they will drive us to the doctor, dentist, therapist, or even to the pharmacy. They will also pay mileage if we drive ourselves to those places - we have to call before we go and file a form with the authorization code within 30 days. A LOT of people don't know it exists, so they don't take advantage of it. I just learned about it in November. It isn't advertised but it does exist. Be SURE to ask about it. Also check your social services website to see if you and husband qualify for any medical benefits. Here we can get a prescription program for the family (even adults not otherwise covered) if income is below a certain point. Over it the cost is about $15 and it saves a TON on medications, far more than other discount programs I ahve found.

    I have faith that things will turn around for you! STaying calm is a wonderful way to handle things. Getting all upset won't help, as you know, and this way you don't send your body into crisis with high blood pressure and other problems.

    I am sure your house wasn't filthy - your family is just showing you how much they love you and want you to have the best. Your mom is an angel to buy all those groceries. Give her a big hug from me!
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so very glad to hear that the extension went through and I hope it gets there fast. How nice of your mom. Maybe she is becoming nice in her old age...lol. Happens that way sometimes.

    I know Jamie keeps bags of dog food in the back of his animal control truck to give to people who need food for their pets and cant afford it. Maybe try asking your local guy. Of course, I realize Jamie's city is quite unique in animal control. Or at least I think VA is..they do animal control up right. Jamie says they have people who come into his agency regularly to get food. They have one little old lady who specifically asks for the canned cat and dog food that looks like spam...they suspect she is eating it but they cant ask her. They just give her 10 cans a week. Sigh. One of Jamie's perks is he has only had to buy two bags of dog food for his own dogs...lol.

    Not me, I buy my spoiled brats Rachel Ray dog food. They eat better than me!
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm genuinely impressed with the support and love that is being shown by your family. Awesome! Keeping my fingers crossed that the approval comes through soon. DDD
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I know how hard it is to receive help from other people. It is a lot of pride to swallow. I AM glad that you are finding that your family really cares and I hope you can let that sink in. I, too, am waiting to see if I will be getting the unemployment extension. As a single parent, this is such a scary situation. Not knowing if you'll have a home or food for your kids in 2 weeks is the scariest thing I have ever had to face. Accept the help with pride and I hope things work out soon. {{{{Hugs}}}} to you.
  7. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    So True!! Worring about something you can't control does nothing but wear you out.

    It was wonderful of your Mom to help you out. You remind me of my husband. He has this HUGE heart and will give to people in need even when we have nothing, but to accept the same in return is so hard for him. Be grateful that your Mom did this for you. If she didn't want to - she wouldn't of done it. And it has to be a relief to have food in the house.

    So glad to hear all the good news for the rest of the family. What a blessing!
  8. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Thats great news Lisa that your mom did this for you

    As to the pets, you can mix rice in to supplement their food till you get some more - I cook it in a little bit of chicken broth and they love it.

  9. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    That was a very nice gesture from your Mom. One less thing to worry about right now. Even though you are not worrying ...
  10. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Lisa, I think your mom is in somewhat of the same position that I have been in with my son. He has had a few "reversals of fortune" in the past, a few problems at work, some unexpected emergencies that came up, and I could see what a toll it was taking on him and how stressed out he was getting because of it. He's worked since he was very young and still in school, and is the hardest working person I know - certainly not a slacker. He once was working three jobs at once - one full time and two part time! Ordinarily I would not be in a position to help him much financially but I've found that since I retired I actually have a little more money to work with and a lot fewer expenses, plus a tiny little nest egg from my 401k, leave balance payout, etc. And I have helped him out a few times, never that much, and only when he was in a real spot. And he HATED it! It really, REALLY bothered him to accept financial help from me ... which is exactly why I didn't mind doing it for him! If it didn't bother him, I probably would not have done it! Had he been wasting his own money, or if he had been spending it on alcohol or drugs, or if he had demanded it or had some big sense of entitlement, he wouldn't have gotten a dime from me! But this was not the case. He was in genuine need through no fault of his own and I was very happy to be able to help him out. And now that he's gotten back on his feet, he's in a much better situation and probably won't get back in the same position again if he can help it.
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Lisa - first off, HUGE hugs. I think it really hoovers that this is happening, after everything you've done for Katie and the grands.

    However... Don't wonder about your mom. Moms are weird... She obviously cares, and maybe somewhere along the line it got stuck in her head that maybe you were doing your absolute best! (And you are. I know.) ...Also, your family is cleaning so you can concentrate on other stuff.

    I'm just glad your mom is there to help.
  12. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Lisa, while it is hard to learn to accept help when you are usually the one helping, it is good to do so. I have had to learn this. I am ok with it from family, but the support and help I have recieved from my coworkers this christmas was amazing. Gift cards for me and the kids, 2 huge food boxes with great stuff.....not the stuff you get that you did not even know they made. It was really hard to realize that my coworkers knew that much, could understand it, and that they gave so much. I must have received about $500 worth of stuff.

    So take it. I have decided that those who give will at some point in their life receive, and that they deserve it most of all. Hang in there, and I hope husband's unemployment comes through.
  13. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    FWIW - cm30 mentioned that those who give will at some point receive - here's something interesting... In 2002 I was B.R.O.K.E. A coworker gave me $50 - would not take it back - with the stipulation that when I could, I should pay it forward.

    And now? I enjoy doing just that. Small anonymous things are my favorite.
  14. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Lisa, it probably made your mom feel good to help you! A mom is a mom, no matter how old their "children" are.

    I have this habit of giving my son warm clothes for Christmas - makes me feel good to know that my gift is helping to keep him warm. He turned thirty in October! Not that he can't buy warm clothes on his own, but I like doing it. I got him a very nice heavy jacket this year, and several sets of long johns to wear under his clothes because the building he works in is unheated. I like knowing he's a little bit warmer at work because of what I gave him. Not that he couldn't go in to Walmart and spend $12 and get his own but ... you know.
  15. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Lisa, how wonderful of your family to help out. Enjoy and appreciate it. It's good that you see that they recognize how hard you work.
    Now, go study for those boards so you never have to question "will I or won't I get a check from the government" You'll get that steady paycheck every 2 wks.
  16. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    Money problems are the absolute pitts!!! Praying that your husband's check arrives ASAP!!! In spite of all the "garbage"/red tape with the government, I'm glad that when you really need them, your family is here to support you in any way they can. You're always doing everything possible to help others even when things are so hard for you. Try not to feel badly about accepting help now.

    Just about the time husband had his heart attack, our business began to slow down big-time. There was barely enough work to keep us afloat even if he never had the heart attack. My very best friend handed me a check to help us get by. I started to cry when she told me she didn't care how long it took us to pay her back. Work friends took up a collection for our family even though being in the same line of business we're in, they were having financial difficulties too. Neighbors brought by home cooked dinners. I was embarrassed at first but realized that sometimes we all need a bit of help and it's OK.

    Keeping you close in my thoughts and hoping before long, you'll be telling us about a wonderful nursing job you just landed!!! SFR