I have a 4 year old soon to be stepson. Both he and my fiance have lived with me for about a year. What's odd about his behavior is the fact that he doesn't act out when he's with me or his father. It's only when he's at daycare, or, most recently, at his mother's house. The fiance and I have been getting calls almost daily concerning kicking, hitting, throwing fits (and objects), lying, not listening, refusing to take naps (which he does still need, because he always acts better when he wakes up) or even lay quietly. The teachers will try to talk to him, put him in time out, etc., but he responds with, "I don't want/have to listen to you." "I want it now." and so on. He kicked his previous teacher (who was 8 months pregnant) in the stomach, and then lied to us about it, even when the teacher told us in front of him what happened that day. They seem to think it's our fault. What confuses me is that he does not act like this at home at all, with either me or the fiance. We ask him to do something, and he usually does it with almost no argument. Anytime he does act out, it's because he gets overstimulated and it's usually mild, and a time out or taking away of rewards (toys, cartoons, etc) usually does the trick to calm him down. But he never hits, throws tantrums, or says anything like that to either of us. His mother normally says that he acts great around her. But this weekend, my fiance got a call from her where she described the same kind of behavior he has been showing at daycare. Hitting, kicking, tantrums, etc. I suspect that this may be due to a change in his mother's life (she's got a new boyfriend) and that my stepson is not getting her undivided attention that he usually does. So she has no idea how to "handle" him, which is almost the same thing I get from the daycare. So here's what I'm asking, I guess. Why would he act one way with us (he knows there are rules, and he can and does follow them)and another with everyone else? Is it our fault he acts like this everywhere else? At home, we try to balance spending time together, choosing battles, etc. I wouldn't say we either a) spoil or b) are too strict. The daycare seems to want to put the blame on us even though fiance and I just see a normal little boy for the most part. We've discussed having him evaluated in the next few years, because due to family history, he might have some anger issues, ADD, bipolar, etc. in the mix. However, money is really tight right now and while fiance knows that he has some problems, we don't understand why, if it's a disorder, he wouldn't act that way no matter where he is at. We've tried working with the mother, daycare, etc., to get them to help us figure out how to be consistent everywhere regarding discipline, positive reinforcement, etc., but they all have their different way of doing things, and it's not like we can keep him out of all those environments. Any suggestions here? Is there anything else we can do?