He is gone....why am I crying?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Apr 10, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I have no reason, just overwhelmed. A van came to pick him up, a little mini-van, with two nice ladies....he got in all happy. Hope he is kind to them.

    so, what is your opinion.... I want them to get to know him but it is after all the end of the school year. They say they are taking our IEP as is (and it is already three days expired, sigh) and then in SIX weeks we are having an IEP meeting to draft the new one. that gives us no time to finish it, revise it (and yes I do revise so I am not a mom who takes it as is) and staff, especially itinerant staff will be long gone. I think two weeks before a school year ends is a horrific IEP date. I think two weeks is plenty of time before we need to meet. So, I already asked them for that. I want to meet the Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), the Occupational Therapist (OT) etc..BEFORE the end of the year. What can I do about anything six weeks from now? If it was Sept or Oct then that would be different, I'd give them their six weeks. I think I 'm not being unreasonable. Not like his IEP goals are going to change all that much, the current level of performance is not that different from where he started and we just had a per. review so they can just use that data. All we need to do is add their services and things THEY do. Really the BIP is the major change. That can be worked on over time. I am ok with that but the academic part with related services, I should be able to meet his teachers before then and hear how things are going.

    Ok, as I told Q in my rant yesterday, yes, I am a B now and I am NOW PROUD OF IT. So, go ahead and call me that. Call me mama B for all I care. I am not being pushed around anymore. These people have done nothing to me and I was not rude....just asked respectfully if we can meet sooner than six weeks, so hoping it goes well. IF not I sick the law advocate on them. She likes them but fights with them all the time.

    I have a million things to do. grocery shop, get medication permission (they were closed and if I can't get them to send it over I have to drive 25 miles and give him a dumb medication which he will have a fit over), re-schedule all of his therapies, figure out transportation for afternoons, try to figure out how to deal with Q coming home at night... (I have warned him if he does not come straight into the house and runs off with the kids I will be picking him up nightly and I will too).

    And I have such a sore neck and arm from how he hit me yesterday. I just feel very cranky and sad when I should be excited and so relieved that he is gone and starting school again. They said they would email me during the day to say how he is doing, I hope they dont forget. I explained that due to past events I will be sitting on the phone all day and I honestly told them I would be nervous until they called so just a note that he is doing ok or to come and get him asap will be very helpful. I also promised them that in a month (when I plan to be a normal mom again, at least normal for us) they could have a laugh at Buddy party and I would even bring the cake, but that until then they just had to deal with me.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    As you very well know, the six weeks = 30 school days which is the longest they can go without revising the IEP. Do they even realize it is an EXPIRED IEP? That might make a difference. Not sure about the legalities there. Check with C.

    As for your reaction, you are hopeful but nervous and you have too much to do and not enough time and you really want this to work but you are really scared it won't......

    Gee, now I'M getting stressed. Keep me posted!!!!
  3. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Oh, Buddy. Your feelings and requests are more than reasonable and understandable! It is going to take some time to recover but slowly you will get there. As far as standing firm on what you want (updates, timeline, etc...) I have your back on that: it is not being a B, just a good advocate for your son. You honestly don't have to justify yourself at all. You have a special child and you should receive special care from the staff teaching him.
    A lot of logistics, but save some "me time" as well.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    PTSD... now that you've crossed ONE of the major hurdles... your body starts to fight back. You need a bit of "you" time. Nothing major - but even small stuff helps. Start re-filling your own gas tank - even if it has to be on-the-fly refueling like the fighter jets do...
  5. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending Hugs
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    so, the nurse is not getting the medication info to the school because the school fax is broken. but the nurse wont give us any other fax number in case someone else sees it. My only choice is to drive a half hour to this school, have Q see me because I have to give him the medication, and then he beats the shoot out of me because it is unexpected OR he doesn't take it and comes home to beat the shoot out of me....OR they give us the freaking fax number in teh office and just who gives a **** who sees that he takes clonidine. I really wanted a nap today.
  7. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Buddy, I have been (and am) where you are, so I'm laughing at myself for saying this, but: the next six weeks will not be about goals, it will be about staff and students getting to know and understand Q and vice-versa. They want the IEP in six weeks, so they can develop next year's IEP. Unless you have a VERY intuitive and committed teacher/staff member working with Q, realistically the rest of the year is 'filler'.
    Ask to meet with staff outside of an IEP. Draft your thoughts of goals and give them to staff now, so they know what you're thinking and can possibly begin to implement informally.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Or ask for a pre-prep set of meetings... say, first one in two weeks, then another two weeks... which leaves two weeks to the "real" IEP meeting...

    It will be a chance to try stuff now, tweak/adjust/etc., so that the "real" IEP is closer to right the first time...
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    But it is not the goals I am concerned about. I want to know who is working with him, I want to actually MEET them....ALL of them. I dont want what little time we have spent assuming then finding out no Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) or Occupational Therapist (OT) has been done. I need to make sure the speech pathologist is really directly seeing him (they are saying that they do an indirect model for speech/lang, except for a few kids. (UH NO, you can IMAGINE how thrilled I am with that, and yes I realize I am biased but I know what the staff doesn't now about what they are not able to see and do...there is a reason we go to school for six years and do hundreds of hours of clinical training and take national exams....it is not just something, for a complex language student, you can just say "work on some idioms" ...no way.) I have no problem with them even changing everything in six weeks. BUT if they START writing the IEP in six weeks then you start the draft, everyone takes a week or longer to get their final goals in, I need to review and ask for changes and by then trying to get ahold of staff that are leaving....not going to happen. the date of the IEP will be the last day of school if we are lucky. THEN next year... THAT is the IEP date. I will push for an early IEP next year no matter what I suppose. They already know my ideas for functional/transition goals. the rest can stay the same for all I care.

    Six weeks for a first meeting is not soon enough. I am just not comfortable with that at all. I at first thought too to have a non IEP meeting but then I again will NOT see the OTR and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP). They are itinerant and would not be obligated to show. I want them to be there..... I am not comfortable not meeting people who have such an impact on how my kid does in school. So, see I really am becoming a B.... sigh...

    Well, the medications are going to be given! yipee....at least that headache is gone. I just took TWO aleve and a tramadol....I shouldn't take aleve but I am desperate. Now I am going to try to rest. Courage Center is already working on the new schedule for therapy! I even got his new dental appointment done....yipee.
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    No, you are NOT becoming a B...
    You are a Warrior Mom, and you're in the middle of the biggest war of your (and Q's) life. You've won a few battles, but the war isn't over.

    Here - how about some fresh boot-liners to ease your weary feet? I'll even bang those dents out of your shield. I'm sure somebody around here is good at sharpening swords... We'll help keep you in battle-ready condition...
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    much better....
  13. Oh Buddy, what an awful lot you are going through today. And InsaneCanadian is right - you are a warrior mom, not a B. Of course, if thinking of yourself as a B helps give you the strength and tenacity to get what is needed for your son - then by all means, be the biggest B you can. :)

    I'm glad the medications issue got straightened out and at least some other small progress was made today. I found with my daughter and her Learning Disability (LD)'s that making phone calls to the school boards and asking tons of questions (even if you already know the answers) get a lot of attention. Not sure if that will help you or not.
  14. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Buddy, you've just been through so much lately. Yikes. I hope you get a chance to do something kind and special for yourself today and every day. You are quite the Warrior Mom, I am always inspired by your commitment and love for your son, and your unending support of the rest of us. Hooray for Buddy. Big giant HUGS to you!
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Got a text that he has done well except for a group with the sw. Too much group talking. They recovered quickly. Two hours left AND we have Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) for four hours ...4-8....yippee
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Yay! At last, a school that has some clue as to how to handle kids like Q... DE-escalate, not make things worse...

  17. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I'll have difficult child 1 sharpen the sword! He LOVES sharp things and making them sharper....LOL

    Glad things are going well for him today. I hope he comes home with nothing but good things to say about his day.

    As for the IEP, I REALLY like Insane's idea. Can you present the idea to them and specifically request Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) and Occupational Therapist (OT) be at least at the first one so you can put your concerns on the table with them present? It can't hurt to try. Approach it from the standpoint that you've been through so much that you want to make sure all important people are given information from you first hand. Tell them it would make you feel better.

    Enjoy the rest of your day.
  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Even if you had Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) at the first one and Occupational Therapist (OT) at the second... it's still better than waiting 6 weeks for all of it to "start"...
  19. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh ya sure you bettcha .... I really am reasonable so I am open to what works. Its the waiting till next year to do things. Plus we need it set up for lower staff numbers in summer esy. Dont want them fumbling .....lol
  20. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    big squishy hugs..... and a hunk of good european cyber chocolate... hang in there hun