He is starting to slide....

[toughlovin]

Well our son is sliding... I don't think he is using yet but of course I really have no idea. He has not communicated with us for a week and has no responded our texts. He says he is working so has not been in to see his therapist. He has not gotten his scooter registered, which we already gave him the money for. He has not told us he has a job! So I think he thinks we will just keep sending him support money. We are not sending him any more money until he gets the scooter registered and communicates with us. We think he already spent that money on something else (who knows what). So the therapist is seeing him slide in his general responsibilities and of course that means his commitment to his recovery.... Hopefully with some push back from us and therapists he will get back on track. We will just wait and see. Thank God he has support from people down there, and people who really understand addiction and will see any signs of use. Thank God he is not home because it is much easier for me to detach with him not being in my face.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Sending positive vibes your way that he will get back on track!

 

[Nancy]

Oh I hate to read this. Of course we were advised that sliding does happen and is part of recovery but it's so hard to watch happen after the hard work they did to get clean/sober. We were told the signs to look for and we saw every one of those signs, from skipping therapy appointments to not going to AA meetings to reconnecting to old using friends, to not being responsible in other areas of their lives. I hope with all my heart that his support services down there can get him back on the right track.

Nancy

 

[DDD]

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and your family. Addictions are such a problem and while you need to have some hope for the best I know it's frustratingly necessary to stay prepared for the worst. Hugs. DDD

 

[KFld]

Those are definite signs that he is probably using again already. Sounds like your gut instinct is already telling you that anyway. My gut instinct is usually right on unfortunatley. It is very difficult to watch after you get your hopes up that they have turned their lives around and are making the right choices.

 

[toughlovin]

We actually talked Occupational Therapist (OT) him tonight and I feel much better. I think he has been avoiding us because he spent the money he was supposed to use to register the scooter. He is having trouble keeping track of money and what he spends it on. Kind of typical for a 19 year old living away from home for the first time. I remember some of my first financial mistakes. So we had agreed to help pay expenses until he got a full time job... so we will send some of that money which he will have to use to register the scooter... he will have to earn money for food though since we are not sending him extra.

He sounded good really. I did not get the feeling at all in talking to him that he is using again. He had gone to a meeting tonight and was participating in the halfway house. I have the feeling that if he starts using the therapists and people at the halfway house will catch on to it pretty quick.

But as you all know we have been through this before and once they get on a slippery slope it is hard not to panic and think they are already doing stuff..... and reality is being far away we do not know for sure.

But for now I am relieved. Time will tell us if we have been played again.

 

[Nancy]

That sounds hopeful. I'm glad you were able to make contact with him and sort some things out. We certainly must be on our toes at all times. Fingers and toes crossed.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

Thanks Everyone..... I feel lucky that the rehab place he went to has aftercare so that he is seeing the same therapists there. I am also so relieved he decided to stay down there. I really think left to his own devices this slide would have slid him right back into drug use. It may still of course but he is back talking to the therapists. One therapist is doing the therapy work with him and the other is doing more family stuff (and is in touch with us) and case management and life skills.... so she is on him about that scooter registration.

I just think that when a kid starts using drugs at an early age... they don't go through the normal healthy process of separating and becoming indpedent from their parents. It is much harder as parents to move into a supportive advisory role when you are having to watch their every move, make rules so they don't abuse you and your trust and all that. So our relationship is kind of messed up and he has no idea how to do things a 19 year old guy should know. I watch my daughter who is 15.... and we are going through a much more natural healthy process. We annoy her sometimes and she creates some distance, and then she comes close and brings us into her emotional life. She lets us in often, and the pushes us away... meanwhile doing more on her own and making more of her own decisions. We trust her which of course makes a huge difference. But it is so different than where we were with our son when he was her age. I totally respect her privacy and don't snoop because I have absolutely no reason to... she has never given me a reason not to trust her.....That was just not the case with my son. So now he needs to learn we are there to love him, give him emotional support and be sort of advisors but he is in charge of his life.... but I think that is a scary prospect for someone who screwed up the natural process with drug use. Anyway for now I am hopeful again.

 

[Nancy]

You described my difficult child and easy child perfectly. easy child went through the normal progression of seperating from us and becoming independent. difficult child's progress in that area is very delayed. The things my easy child was doing at 19 to manage her own life, difficult child would have no idea how to go about. A good example is that we encouraged easy child to get a credit card when she turned 18 and to manage it carefully, always paying the balance off, to establish credit. She was very responsible and never overspent and paid it as soon as she received her bill. Slowly she built up credit and got more credit until she was able to lease her own car this past year and has very good credit. I would never trust difficult child with a credit card and the ATM card she had to withdraw money from her job was overdrawn so many times I had to close it out.

Nancy

 

[exhausted]

I totally understand the "normal" development thing. My daughter is so delayed, emotionally and responsibility wise. Drugs and so much time in residential care during key times in her life, have left her like a 12 year old. Then, these kids need to be double strong and mature to get themselves out of the hole they dug. Its an overwhelming task. I'm glad things are progressing in a better way now. Take care of yourself.

 

[DammitJanet]

You have to register the scooter up there? Down here we dont unless it is a larger one that goes over a certain speed. Cory's doesnt go over 45 mph so you dont register it. He doesnt have a license so he had to get the one that doesnt have to be registered. Actually his scooter doesnt even get up to 45 but the book says it will. You probably have to be a 100 pounds...lol.

 

[toughlovin]

Actually he is down there in Florida... we are up here. So the rules for when you need to register a scooter are very very confusing. It took him two trips to the registry to figure it out and even then it ended up being less money than he thought. I don't think you actually need a liscense to drive it though but it did need to have plates and be registered. We want him to get a license down there so we can get him off our insurance up here.