hello all

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shantone12345, Jan 17, 2012.

  1. Shantone12345

    Shantone12345 New Member

    Hell all! I am new to the forum and I just wanted to post a little about myself. I am a mother of three children ages 6, 4, and 6months. My 6 years old is a bit of a challenge and i just can not figure it out. At first I was thinking its because there is a new baby in the house and she just wants attention so I started to do things differntly, like allowing her to stay up later so we can talk and encourage and praise her when is does something good but now she is starting to get in trouble at school and this really concerns me.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Welcome. Can you tell us more about her behaviors?
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Welcome to our little corner of the world. As SRL said, can you give us more info? Can you describe the behaviors in both settings? Is it just the 4 of you in your home? Are there any mental health issues (diagnosed or just suspected) anywhere on HER family tree? Any odd behaviors from anyone anywhere in the extended families or any "weird aunt sally" stories about odd ducks back a few generations? You get the idea. More information will help us help you more effectively and appropriately.
  4. Shantone12345

    Shantone12345 New Member

    My 6 year old daughter Nicole has started to do devious to my younger children like break their toys. She also says mean things to my 4 year old and constantly hurt her feelings. This makes me angry but I try not to react because I feel that is what she wants me to do. I talk to her about being nice but she just don't get it. Now its to the point where she just don't listen. I will ask her to do something and if I don't stay on her she will not do it.

    There was a time Nicole came home from school and told me no one wants to play with her and this made me feel sad. I know it's probably because she wants to be the boss and tell everyone what to do so they choose not to play with her. The sad part is I understand them not wanting to play with her because no one wants to be bossed around. The teacher told me she had to place her desk in a corner because she was being very disruptive and I did not know how to respond. I don't want her singled out because she already feels bad.

    I know I just jumped all over the place but I don't know how to handle this.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    What was she like as a baby? toddler?
    When did the behaviors start?
    Is she fussy about clothes, or food, or noise?
    How are her motor skills?
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    It sounds like you need to have her evaluated. A neuropsychologist is the best but a GOOD child psychiatrist or PhD level Child Psychologist can also help. Because she is also having problems at school, I would request IN WRITING that she "be evaluated for Special Education Services including, but not limited to academic, psychological, behavioral, Occupational, and Speech/Language evaluations". Mail this letter CERTIFIED MAIL with RETURN RECEIPT REQUESTED. Because issues are showing up at school now, it is important that you find out what problems there might be so you can get help for her at school so things don't get worse, which they more than likely will if the staff are like this teacher is. Punishing some of our kids in the wrong way can actually make things worse. You won't know the right way unless you know what is going on to begin with.
  7. Shantone12345

    Shantone12345 New Member

    It is just four of us at home right now because my husband is away working on military bases as a government contractor. So i really feel like a single mother. No there are not diagnosed mental disorders but I suspect ODD.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Is she in first grade? Is this her first year in school? K is so different in terms of being able to free play more etc. First grade really is a jump up in structure and following directions. Some kids with more subtle disability issues are not noticed to have problems until they run into harder and harder/more demanding environments. I would tell the school that you are concerned and that you are not OK with treating her as a "behavior problem" until you really check to see if there is something going on underneath all of this. A new baby can complicate things but generally would not affect all areas for a long long time.

    Does she have insurance? I would ask her doctor. or call insurance and ask for how to get a referral to a Neuropsychologist. These are psychologists who have extra training in how the brain works in relation to behaviors. They look across many areas of development unlike a psychiatrist or neurologist (all of whom are good but just very different). Ask for a complete developmental evaluation to help sort out if there are any underlying problems. How long until she is 7? I would also get a complete Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation (subtle motor and also sensory integration problems can really cause huge problems in behavior because the can't fix it on their own) as well as a speech/language path. evaluation for social communication, auditory and language processing, and general language understanding and expression issues. You might need to have a specialized audiology evaluation (the hearing testers) to look at auditory processing but start the other things first and by the time she is 7 then you will have more info to guide you in this area.

    At school, I agree, Isolating her permanently is not a good idea. She may fully not be able to control her behavior or have a reason for the behavior choices that isolating her will only compound. She likely has skill areas she has not developed related to all the areas you want assessed. Ask the teacher for more information in a private conference. Get specifics. Find out how she is doing overall in school. Are there problems in teh halls, play ground, lunch, rest room, as well as class time??? How are academics coming along.

    Gather your info then write (very soon) a letter and send it certified mail/return receipt asking for a full developmental evaluation in the school (this is in ADDITION to what you are doing privately. Include cognitive, academic, motor, speech, and BEHAVIOR (including an FBA=functional behavior analysis which helps them to develop a POSITIVE behavior plan to teach skills to help her behave better. These things are all mandated by law. They may tell you that they wont do it because she is not far behind. But if she is being isolated daily, she is socially behind. They are wrong if they tell you she has to be academically behind esp this early on because it is pretty hard to be really behind when this young... but it is important to start to look (and this is a process that may take a long time for you... to really find all the issues, but for them they must do the evaluation in a federally mandated amount of time...usually less than two months....so you can start helping her.) Early intervention is very very important so don't listen if they say they don't want to "label" her. they already have labeled her if they are putting her in a corner... with an informal and not helpful label. Bossy is not a helpful label nor is behavior problem.

    Well, these are some steps to start to try to "figure it out" and believe me most of us have been there. It is not fun, makes us angry with our kids even when it is not their choice to have these issues, but we are human, right? We also learn to become strong advocates (here they say warrior moms, dads etc.).

    Sorry this will seem overwhelming. I am not re-reading my response so please feel free to ask me or others if I have written something that is not clear, I am just rushing thru a little.

    Nice to meet you and welcome to the board. Hope we get to know you more.
  9. Shantone12345

    Shantone12345 New Member

    Everything was normal. This behavior
    Started after she get to kindergarten.
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I think we posted at the same time, lol. Most of our kids would qualify for the ODD label. It does not help at all with therapy or treatment. All it says is there are behaviors that are oppositional and defiant. Well, yes... many many kids have that issue. For a HUGE number of reasons. I do not allow that in my son's school records and would never ever bring it up with them because my feeling is it gives a tone to them that they will think that punishment and reward will compel him to behave better. That is not really possible if the cause of the problem is really that they are not understanding or dont have the skills or the frustration tolerance or the problem solving abilities, etc. does that make sense? There is usually a bigger issue going on. I hope you can get her evaluated so you can find some answers and some relief for you and most importantly for her. Being segregated like that in front of her peers could really affect her self esteem.
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Comprehensive evaluation time.
    This is SO SO SO very common.
    The kid holds it together until they have to learn at the same pace as peers.
    THEN their skills deficits and learning challenges show up.
    Which sets off the behavior.

    - motor skills - gross skills being a problem = bullying; fine skills being a problem = they can't do ANYTHING right (scissors, printing, folding paper, etc.)
    - attention problems
    - auditory processing issues - especially fringe issues like auditory figure ground - where the person hears and processes speech normally, but cannot do so in a noisy environment (i.e. classroom).
    - sensory issues
    - fatigue/sleep issues
    - anxiety (due to non-performance)

    And that's before we even think about looking at major stuff like Aspie or Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)...
  12. Shantone12345

    Shantone12345 New Member

    Yes she is in the first grade. I do have insurance. Her grades in school are great. She has all A's and a B in reading. I will look into getting her evaluated. I guess I was in denial about what is going on with her.