Hello?
- Thread starter Beta
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Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Hi Beta
Hi back to you. I check in a couple of times a day. I just do. I've been wondering the same thing--where everybody is, and hoping we can stay together. I am fine. Same old, same old.
How are you? How's everybody?
Hi back to you. I check in a couple of times a day. I just do. I've been wondering the same thing--where everybody is, and hoping we can stay together. I am fine. Same old, same old.
How are you? How's everybody?
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I'm here. Much the same as well. Our adult child keeps on moving. For awhile she was in the same city as us. But, that didn't last long. She has moved to a state in which she knows one couple and has moved within walking distance of them. No bus system and as per usual, she left with the bare minimum....meaning anything we bought for her is lost. This has happened countless times....the number is astronomical....it doesn't seem real...yet it is. Dad...thank you for reminding me about prayer. I tend to lose m faith and sort of give up...but I deep down I think it's best to continue praying. Blessings to us all.
It's probably time I should give an update too. My granddaughter has been in recovery for about 6 months. Her diversion officer forced a one month program about 3 hours from our town. Maybe it was a good program or maybe she was motivated to stay out of jail. When she finished there, she moved into an Oxford House for women. She found a job working at the homeless shelter in town.
She is still at that job and has moved from the evening shift to the day supervisor. About 3 months ago, we let down our guard and let her move back home, as she was saying all the right things. That she wanted more time with her son...
Unfortunately, it was easier to say than do. Even though she was under the same roof, it doesn't mean she actually stepped up much.
A positive, she was able to save money and purchased a used car last week. Which has turned into a negative as she didn't come home for 3 nights. She did come home after 10pm last night. And she left for work this morning.
We have been the main caretakers for her 5 year old son for 3.5 years. He is a great kid who doesn't always handle his frustrations well. He saw a play therapist thru his head start and we will continue appointments thru the summer.
It's been a hectic and awful month...my brother passed at age 80. Now I'm the last one of my family. It's hard to come to terms with, the last person carrying family memories and tragedies.
The funeral will be in June.
Today is a cold wet day...with very few options of things to keep great grandson entertained. Yesterday was the same, and I let him have too much tablet time. So now he is playing with Play-Doh. Not sure how I will keep him occupied today.
Ksm
She is still at that job and has moved from the evening shift to the day supervisor. About 3 months ago, we let down our guard and let her move back home, as she was saying all the right things. That she wanted more time with her son...
Unfortunately, it was easier to say than do. Even though she was under the same roof, it doesn't mean she actually stepped up much.
A positive, she was able to save money and purchased a used car last week. Which has turned into a negative as she didn't come home for 3 nights. She did come home after 10pm last night. And she left for work this morning.
We have been the main caretakers for her 5 year old son for 3.5 years. He is a great kid who doesn't always handle his frustrations well. He saw a play therapist thru his head start and we will continue appointments thru the summer.
It's been a hectic and awful month...my brother passed at age 80. Now I'm the last one of my family. It's hard to come to terms with, the last person carrying family memories and tragedies.
The funeral will be in June.
Today is a cold wet day...with very few options of things to keep great grandson entertained. Yesterday was the same, and I let him have too much tablet time. So now he is playing with Play-Doh. Not sure how I will keep him occupied today.
Ksm
Hi Beta and everyone,
I am still here too and although I don’t post much unless I’ve had experience with a particular issue, I come here to read almost every day.
I have also been dealing with some health “challenges” (to say the least, lol) that have taken up my time and energy. Nothing super serious, but may require surgery and still being evaluated.
I see our numbers on the CD site are down and I pray that we can bring them back up!
I can’t think of many places where we get the kind of understanding, compassion and support that we get here.
And as long as there are loved ones out there with substance abuse and/or mental health issues we will need this site. I’ll keep coming back.
Love, Nandina
I am still here too and although I don’t post much unless I’ve had experience with a particular issue, I come here to read almost every day.
I have also been dealing with some health “challenges” (to say the least, lol) that have taken up my time and energy. Nothing super serious, but may require surgery and still being evaluated.
I see our numbers on the CD site are down and I pray that we can bring them back up!
I can’t think of many places where we get the kind of understanding, compassion and support that we get here.
And as long as there are loved ones out there with substance abuse and/or mental health issues we will need this site. I’ll keep coming back.
Love, Nandina
Nomad, is this couple open to helping your daughter at all? Are they a good influence?
And thank you Dad and all for the reminders about prayer. I forget that I don’t control everything and need to look above for guidance more often.
Thank you all for hanging out here when you can. It‘s good to “see” you!
KSM, I lost the message that went with the above, but I look at all of these as positives. I’m sure you’ve probably seen and heard it all before though.
She has what it takes to secure a job, an apartment and make a major purchase.
What she doesn’t seem to have is the ability to parent her son, your precious great-grandson.
I pray that as she becomes more responsible in her day to-day living, she will become more responsible as a parent. How old is she? I’ve forgotten but seem to remember her being young.
My deepest condolences on the death of your brother.
She has what it takes to secure a job, an apartment and make a major purchase.
What she doesn’t seem to have is the ability to parent her son, your precious great-grandson.
I pray that as she becomes more responsible in her day to-day living, she will become more responsible as a parent. How old is she? I’ve forgotten but seem to remember her being young.
My deepest condolences on the death of your brother.
Nandina, she will be 25 in a few weeks. I reposted my update on the substance abuse forum. You are right, she is not parenting her child, even though she lives in the same house. She works from 7am to 3pm. She got home yesterday by 3:30, and dozed in the recliner until her out patient class at 6pm. Axxx tried to wake her up several times.
I fixed a nice supper and woke her up at 5 and 5:20. My husband woke her up at 5:45. She seemed shocked that we just ate and let her sleep...he told her I had woke her up and acted like she didn't believe it.
She ate fast and left for her class. When she got home about 9pm, her son was asleep. She said she was going to bed and would get up and shower this morning. My husband called her at 6:10 and 6:30 and she finally said she would shower after she gets home tonight and will get up at 6:45. So now he's calling her phone again. She's been saying she's going to shower for 3 days...but never had time!
These are the things that drive me crazy. Her room is filled with dirty clothes. Now she's up and stressed that she can't find a certain pair of shoes and gets anxious. Most of the dirty clothes don't even fit any more. Once she came off meth, she put on quite a bit of weight. I know she wants to lose the weight, but it's not going to happen if she stays off meth. I think the drugs really messed up her metabolism. And the part of the brain that is in control of executive function. She just can't plan ahead! Rant over.
Ksm
I fixed a nice supper and woke her up at 5 and 5:20. My husband woke her up at 5:45. She seemed shocked that we just ate and let her sleep...he told her I had woke her up and acted like she didn't believe it.
She ate fast and left for her class. When she got home about 9pm, her son was asleep. She said she was going to bed and would get up and shower this morning. My husband called her at 6:10 and 6:30 and she finally said she would shower after she gets home tonight and will get up at 6:45. So now he's calling her phone again. She's been saying she's going to shower for 3 days...but never had time!
These are the things that drive me crazy. Her room is filled with dirty clothes. Now she's up and stressed that she can't find a certain pair of shoes and gets anxious. Most of the dirty clothes don't even fit any more. Once she came off meth, she put on quite a bit of weight. I know she wants to lose the weight, but it's not going to happen if she stays off meth. I think the drugs really messed up her metabolism. And the part of the brain that is in control of executive function. She just can't plan ahead! Rant over.
Ksm
So Very Drained
Member
So sorry to hear about your brother. We just said goodbye to my mother-in-law making us the top of the generation chain - and it's kind of a weird feeling.
It sounds like your granddaughter put forth such good effort, saving money for a car. Shows responsibility, which can be huge with our troubled family members. And then there's the slippage. It's a roller coaster for sure. Kudos to you for caring for your great-grandchild. I'm not sure I'd have the energy. God bless.
SVD, I am sorry to hear about the passing of your M-I-Law. I am near to the top of the generation chain...not quite there yet! LetGo
Hi All, I have been a bit M-I-action lately. My daughter was released from the Transition Community Center and is now in a halfway house, I believe. I am not sure how I feel...it's a mixture of emotions. Relieved that she's been released, fearful she wont be able to handle the world without the structure and will land right back in prison. I still maintain no contact and she has not tried to contact me. I still find that I want to know, generally, where she is. She is over a thousand miles away.
Hi Everyone. Good to hear from you again. I've been gone the last three days, out of town. Our youngest son is visiting and we went up to the mountains for a few days. I check in with CD several times a week but I don't have anything new to report. We still have not heard from Josh. I've made up my mind that I will not post any pleas for help on Facebook anymore. Other than the first time last summer, when he was spotted by someone who recognized his photo and called us, they haven't helped and it just causes me to spiral downward. I pray for him every day but I also have come to the point that I no longer expect to hear from him. I used to carry my phone with me everywhere, just in case. I don't do that anymore. Thirty-five years ago today, we had brought him home the day before from the adoption agency. It was one of the most joyful days of my life, and I was sure that the future ahead was full of good things. Little did I know how wrong that was.
I wish I had more to write about on a regular basis but I don't. I'm just trying to live my life without letting grief, anger, and bitterness get the best of me. I pray that God would give me some understanding and peace about the "why" of it all. What was the purpose of pouring over half my life into someone, only to have this happen? Over time, will he become nothing more than someone I once knew and raised in our home? I know that love is never a waste. But yet it feels like a waste to me. And yes, I know all the verses about the purpose of suffering so there's no reason to quote them. I know them, and I believe them. And I know and believe that God can bring about a miracle. But still, it just feels like "having the rug pulled out from under you," or something like it. Will the shock of it ever wear off, I wonder?
Sorry to sound so "down." I'm just being honest about where I am emotionally these days. I appreciate being able to be so open on this site.
I wish I had more to write about on a regular basis but I don't. I'm just trying to live my life without letting grief, anger, and bitterness get the best of me. I pray that God would give me some understanding and peace about the "why" of it all. What was the purpose of pouring over half my life into someone, only to have this happen? Over time, will he become nothing more than someone I once knew and raised in our home? I know that love is never a waste. But yet it feels like a waste to me. And yes, I know all the verses about the purpose of suffering so there's no reason to quote them. I know them, and I believe them. And I know and believe that God can bring about a miracle. But still, it just feels like "having the rug pulled out from under you," or something like it. Will the shock of it ever wear off, I wonder?
Sorry to sound so "down." I'm just being honest about where I am emotionally these days. I appreciate being able to be so open on this site.
Beta
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Hi Beta. I have struggled with this, too. I try to remember that my primary relationship has been with G-d, not with my son. I have become more bitter. Today I used the adjective "bad" to describe my son to M. How far down have I gone in order to not suffer so.
There is a consequence when somebody only manipulates and treats one like a "thing", shows no respect for people, things or themselves.
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Beta, I typed up a response...but all I see is the one that posted with just "Beta"
It is so hard.. to not have contact with one's child, and also hard when there is! I try to trust in my faith, but I admit I get discouraged too. My brain can't comprehend why people act the way they do.
Keeping busy helps me and we are blessed to have our great grandson in our home and hearts. Ksm
It is so hard.. to not have contact with one's child, and also hard when there is! I try to trust in my faith, but I admit I get discouraged too. My brain can't comprehend why people act the way they do.
Keeping busy helps me and we are blessed to have our great grandson in our home and hearts. Ksm
Beta, It does feel like the rug being pulled out from under you. Where there once had been so much joy and hope, it is now something entirely different. I can love from afar and that I will keep doing that. For me I find that it helps to check in here. The roller coaster is less but I still find I am on the ride sometimes. Keep living your life. You deserve to enjoy it as much as possible. Hugs, LetGo
