Help! Need step By Step.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by readergal8, Dec 1, 2011.

  1. readergal8

    readergal8 New Member

    Hi all. I am posting this to get people's advice/opinons/knowledge on getting a child tested and what kind of assistance I could expect or my school is required to provide. I have set a appointment with the family dr. for both my children. I think they both have ADHD and my son might have OPP. Lets start with -My son has been having problems at "school" since he was 3 ( he was in Headstart). Last yr he had a preschool ass., modified day, and constant problems with teacher. Basically on the 3rd day on head start I was called for a parent teacher meeting. Wrong foot was started then. Now he is in Pre-k. I learned my lesson last yr and have an excellent rapport with his teacher. She is a blessing. He is violent with her and will kick and hit her if she forces an issue. He hit other children, thrown chairs, knock over a table. He yells and with destroy other student work ( like when they are at centers ) impulsivly though. Very difficult for him to transition. Throws food. Lays on floor and refuses to get up. States he hates school doesn't like his teacher etc. He has been suspended muiltiple times and is now on a amended day 8-11:30. I can't work becaused on any given day I could get called to pick him up. (usually the teacher will just handle it herself, but if a administrator see this he is often sent home or suspended. Sometime only 30 minute after I drop him off.) Because of this I have not worked since school started and will actually just stay in the parking lot at the school just in case I have to pick him up. (I live about 25 minutes away from the school and with no job don't have the gas to go back and forth repeatedly) The teacher, principal, Pre-k director and I have meeting every 3 weeks. to discuss his behavior. I have the next meeting on Monday Dec 5th. I also have a the dr. appointment for him that day. I was going to request an IEP for him, but is there anything else I should do? Thanks for any info in advance.
    P.S. I don't have any problems at home other than the usual kid stuff. He does not hit me or rage as he does at school. Of course home is not a structured enviroment.
  2. jal

    jal Member

    The first thing you need to do is send a registered letter to your Director of Pupil Services for your school district requesting that your child be evaluated. A registered letter is a must as this kicks off a federal timeline in which the school must take action, I believe it is 60 days. You, in turn, can have your own private evaluation done, a neuropsychological evaluation is one of the more thorough evaluations for weeding out Learning Disability (LD)'s or other issues.

    Barring the outcome the school can provide many things for your child, or they can make it difficult by denying an IEP. That is why it is best to get your own evaluations in conjunction with what the school does. IEP's cost money and schools don't like to spend money, especially this day in age. They may offer you a 504, which is for persons with disabilities, but it does not open the door as wide as an IEP does, nor do you have a legal leg to stand on if they do not follow what is written in the 504. The IEP is a legal document and the school MUST follow the IEP.

    My child was very much like what you describe at that age. Good luck to you. Believe me I know. But I know that it can get better.
  3. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Wow, you just described my grandson! Except that he does love his teacher, loves school, and tries so very hard and just sabotages himself over and over again because he simply can't help it. He does all that fun stuff at home, too, and at the park, or just about anywhere except the movies. I do seem to get less of it, but I'm on the receiving end often enough, thank you very much. He's in kindergarten, has been suspended 8 times, and is in school from 8:30-10. As Ross Greene says: "Children do well if they can." It's my mantra. Starting next week, he goes until noon and we are all breathing a sigh of relief because it is hard for all of us to be "on call" to go pick him up if (when) his day goes south. It takes a village. Whew!

    You've received some great advice and isn't it great to know you're not alone? I think it's fantastic! We aren't in a club we necessarily wanted to join, but here we are.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Second sending the formal letter requesting an evaluation for special education services. Send it asap. make sure they have to sign for it and you get a receipt. This starts teh time line as was said. Then, they will put together a proposal and you are to be a part of it.... you should have input on the assessment planning legally.

    Do you mind a few questions?
    Can your child play WITH other kids? Or just plays side by side using shared materials. Does he use imaginative play or imitative play or lining things up etc.
    Does he have any difficulties with sensory issues, smells, tastes, textures, etc.
    how was speech and language development?

    My son was very similar at that age and he is diagnosed with Autism now.

    Many kids appear to be adhd and to have anxiety and to be defiant as young kids...they end up being diagnosed with Autism. There are many other reasons that these symptoms can happen but I would second the idea of getting a private evaluation done while you are asking for school assessment.

    Ask for a neuropsychology evaluation and if you have a child development center/hospital etc... you might also see if they can rule out autism. HE is likely higher functioning so it will not be super obvious to people who only see the autism that is on tv (except for Parenthood, teh new one with a child with aspergers).... usually you see kids who dont talk at all, flap hands and spin plates. These things CAN be part of it for sure but there are many other profiles. My son has a high interest area and that has morphed and shifted over the years. He falls apart with transitions, this is when he typically will act up. He loves routine. He has a hard time having back and forth conversations with people, will talk to people for sure, but it is all questions and his topics. He had poor eye contact, does still at times but it is better.

    Just food for thought, if you can relate that is ok and if not .... that is wonderful too... always better to check things out...

    by the way, I wanted to let you know it is so great you found this board and are looking for answers while your kids are little. Really cool. I'd like to say the administration improves even if you have a child identified, but sadly my son is nearly 15, in 8th grade has been in Special Education since age 1 and we still have admin problems! SO, stick with us, we probably can learn from each other!
  5. readergal8

    readergal8 New Member

    Thank you all for the support. To answer :
    Can your child play WITH other kids? Or just plays side by side using shared materials. Does he use imaginative play or imitative play or lining things up etc. - He can play with other kids, depending on the subject (because he can often get aggressive, or tear down what kids are working on). He does often play by himself. He can play imaginative play just fine especially with his sis.My daughter and him play just fine, perhaps because the are both a rough and tumble type. No shrinking flowers in this family.
    Does he have any difficulties with sensory issues, smells, tastes, textures, etc. - He has some questionable sensory issues to me. Such as he like the tags on his two favorite blanket. So much that when I tuck him in he will ask for me to specifically fine the tag and tuck him in with that facing up so he can rub it between his fingers. ( his dad is the same with his pillow, funnily enough. ) He like to make loud noise, not gibberish talk but and actual noise like beeping, etc. He also skip paces. He will skip back and forth, most of the time doing one of the other thing above with his blanket or the noise. ( side note, he does not need his blanket at all times, most of the time just to sleep or around the house. It does not go in public.
    speech and language development?- Very good language skills , he does have unclear speech. He did have a tubes put in his ear about 1 yr ago. so that could have been the issue though. He can and will give good eye contact and does not know a stranger to save his life. He will walk up to anyone and go "Excuse me, what's your name. My name is L___ . " then he spells his name and tells them his age.
    It's so hard to think of him having a problem because at home or out and about he is a diffrent kid. I have been able to successfully stop his name calling. Which he did mostly at school. But he kickes his teacher and He has never done that to me. He will get fustrated and obstinate with me of course and through a tatrum, but nothing that is an ordeal or exhausting. I usually have to get down on his level and repeat to him that I know why he is mad and literally verbatim state what he is asking me for. Then I explain why it is not doable, and offer him other options or advise him what we are going to do next. I try to not fight force with force with him, because he wins. I do discipline in various way (none harmful though, often just a time out or withold the computer ) and he will usually fall in line. I just know something has to change in school as of now, by pricipal decree he has to be by the teacher or aide at all times. And I mean stuck like glue. Like at lunch he will have to hold on to the teacher's pocket and walk with her and then in the lunch while she sets up the table with untensils and such he has to hold on to her and be the last to get his food . I understand why they thought this was a good idea ( basically to make sure if he was to try to get aggressive with another child they can stop him.) But I worry of him being segregated and xthe kids and him noticing. Sorry for the rant.
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome. What immediately stands out for me about your post is the fact that your son does not have these behaviours at home... just a thought, but I wonder if it is the anxiety of the social setting that is actually the main driver of this? My son is kind of the opposite - violent and aggressive with me, never with his teacher or other adults. It seems a curious one, how that shakes out. Good at home, trouble at school, trouble at home, good at school - and sometimes trouble in both home and school.
    Where are you with getting him evaluated?
  7. readergal8

    readergal8 New Member

    I am taking him to his to his primary dr on monday. Bringing all the paperwork the teacher had written on his behavior on a daily bases ( thank god for that) and then hoping for a ref to a psychiatric of some kind.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Good you are going to the doctor. May I offer some advice, feel free to ignore it. Do not ask the doctor what he/she thinks. Say there are some serious issues going on and we need to get to the bottom of it. (you see, doctors are human and if your difficult child is on that day, they will want to reassure you and not alarm you and will likely say to wait and see). Ask for referrals for a neuropsychology evaluation, an occupational therapy evaluation and a speech/language evaluation-specifically looking at language processing (the directions issue, could be attention etc. but like with the tubes, it is good to make sure there is not an underlying issue). Tell him that if there is nothing that is great, but you know that early intervention is key to helping children and you are unwilling to take the risk. Again, dont ask, just say you want a referral, thanks very much. I just called and told our neuro thanks in advance, here is a fax number to send a referral for private Occupational Therapist (OT), speech language, voc rehab and counseling. Got a call from her nurse two hours later that it was done.

    Its your call, but there are red flags in what you post. He could really be a sensory integration kid and when that is not addressed, they can look very adhd, even autistic in some ways. There could be other things, but the inability to control how soft or hard he touches, to regulate his body when in large, noisy, places, with people too close to him etc.... really worth investigating.

    (I have to say, I have two very typical niece/nephews and they LOVED the tags on everything. Have you seen those little blankies that they sell with all kinds of tags around the edges, there are TONS of kids who love those, so cute too in my humble opinion)
  9. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I would suggest asking for the most thorough evaluation you can get in your area. Oftentimes at this point pediatricians will refer to a child psychiatrist who often will focus on treatment through medication or a therapist who will work on behaviors with you. What you need at this point is to get the most information on him from to make informed decisions. Developmental & Behavioral pediatrician or pediatric neuropsychologist, speech/language, and occuptational therapy is a good starting evaluation.

    Here's an article about talking with your pediatrician. The article is written about evaluating for Autism Spectrum but most of it is applicable for any multidisciplinary evaluation.

    This book would be helpful to you at this point: What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions by Dr. Douglas Riley