Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by evbrimom2, May 14, 2009.

  1. evbrimom2

    evbrimom2 New Member

    Hello to all. I have been dealing with explosive behavior from my difficult child since he was 3(he's now 9) and it became obvious that he wasn't outgrowing his terrible twos. I had my sister in law tell me that he was just a spoiled brat and due to my extremely low self esteem I believed her for for many years. When I did try to get help for difficult child I was told that the problem was mine because I was depressed and had ADD and that once I got help he would be better. Funny that I was put on mulitple medications and it didn't help either one of us. I decided last year to try again and get help for him when he started acting out at daycare(where I worked). The first therapist decided that he had ODD behavior and so each wk husband and I had to attend sessions to learn how to parent difficult child. I have read all the books and tried reward charts, timeouts,yelling, and yes my husband even tried spanking once or twice and we don't even believe in hitting our kids! Of course he is typical ODD and any harsh discipline just made things worse. But this Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) was gonna teach us how to parent our boy. He suggested all the things that we had already tried but we tried them again. well 6months later difficult child hadnt changed at all so he was referred to a play therapist. well 5 months later he still isn't any better. he was diagnoised with ADD by a pyschologist and we are trying medications but I don't see a huge difference after a week. pediatrician keeps asking if teacher sees a difference in his behavior but she doesnt' see much ADD behavior or much explosive behavior she sees more of the anxiety than anything else. Its at home that he screams at us when we ask him to do anything at all that isn't according to his plan. Yesterday he screamed at my neighbor called her a liar. I think that this play therapist is a joke like the other therapist and I want to get him a more complete evaluation but where the heck do I start!! Please help! Point me in the right direction!! Sorry this is so long,
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    You could try your local children's hospital and make an appointment in their psychiatric department with a neuropsychologist. That would be a very good first step in figuring out what is REALLY going on with him. In all honesty, if he truly just had ADD, the medications would have worked right away. And the fact that he's not exhibiting symptoms in ALL settings also says it's not ADD. If I had to guess, I'd say it's probably some form of mood disorder. But a neuropsychologist evaluation will likely be the best tool to tell you where to start with his treatment. You'll also need to find a good pediatric psychiatrist. The children's hospital should also be able to help you there.

    If there's no major hospital near you, try checking with your insurance carrier -- most carrier websites have a provider search engine that lets you find a specific speciality near you.
  3. evbrimom2

    evbrimom2 New Member

    thank you! I questioned the ADD myself. The pschologist who evaluated him seemed to have his mind made up before he even administered the tests. He didn't even seem to find the anxiety and depression significant
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    A neuropsychologist will be able to tell you better if mood issues are at the root of his difficulties.

    I don't know how a psychologist could come to the conclusion that it's ADD when the teacher isn't reporting any of the behaviors at school! One of the hallmarks of ADD/ADHD is that the behavior spans ALL settings.

    If you can get him evaluated over the summer, then perhaps you can get rolling on a more appropriate treatment plan so that the next school year goes more smoothly. Doesn't mean you'll get everything sorted out in a month or two. We've been on this path with my difficult child 2 for seven years and are just NOW getting close to what looks like appropriate treatment. Part of that is just because you're dealing with a person who is rapidly growing and changing during this time in their life -- so the brain is in a constant state of flux. Add puberty hormones to that, and it can make for a very complicated situation.

    Good luck! Let us know how things go.
  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Welcome to the site! It's a good bunch here, so you'll get a lot of support!

    How was his early development? Did he have (or still have) issues with itchy tags in his shirts, loud noises, certain smells making him sick, make and maintain eye contact with strangers?

    A lot of the time ODD is a symptom of an underlying disorder. I agree with gvcmom about a neuropsychologist evaluation. My experience with "office psychs" has been that they usually have a diagnosis in mind before they even meet the child.

    Again, welcome to the crowd - it really helps to have someone to talk to!


    PS: Don't let people blame you - a lot of the time it's nothing that you could have prevented! ;)
  6. evbrimom2

    evbrimom2 New Member

    yes it was interesting because he made the diagnosis without the teachers report and when he received it, he didn't change his diagnosis even though all she reported was some anxiety. Oh this is going to be a longer road than I ever thought isn't it?
  7. evbrimom2

    evbrimom2 New Member

    Thx Beth, it helps so much to know that I am not alone and that I didn't do this to my child. As far as issues with early development, he was speech delayed, was always a clingy mamas boy, never liked new situations, yes I had to cut tags out of shirts and even now won't wear certain things. He never liked to be "messed with". It was difficult to change his diapers or take his temperature. What stands out for me the most is that for years he resisted getting his hair cut because he said that it hurt. He still doesnt like to gt it cut
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) could also be the issue... either way, yes, you're on a much longer road than you imagined. But don't let that discourage you! There ARE resources out there, there IS support out there (you found us, didn't you? :D ), and you WILL eventually sort this all out so that he can go on to have a happy and productive life. There are many parents here who have been down your path and ones more arduous, with positive outcomes. So don't give up hope!

    We'll support you all the way!
  9. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    Our difficult child started out like your son, she was pretty much ok in school but was awful at home. For the past 2 years, behaviors have worsened at school and now they are asking ME for suggestions of how to deal with difficult child. For years, I was doing the "it must be me, behaviors aren't anywhere but home" deal. Messed up my self-esteem like crazy.

    Years and years of not really being believed can mess ya up, ya know? Well, now it's a different story and they all are wondering how we've kept it up all these years.

    Anyways, my suggestion is to do a parent report. List current diagnosis's, medications, allergies, previously tried medications and why they were discontinued. List all docs with addresses and phone #s. List all testing and by whom. List past and current struggles. List past and present strengths. List tried disciplines, what worked what doesn't. List concerns, etc. Be sure to write dates of tests, evaluations, new medications started, etc.

    I have kept a parent report on difficult child since it was suggested by someone on here and it has been the single most helpful thing to bring to all professional visits. Each time I hand one to a doctor or whomever, I get a stunned look and then an "I sure wish all parents would do this". It really helps because my difficult child has been in and out psychiatric hosps, has had so many tests and evaluations, I would never be able to remember it all. Having it in one place to pull up and update then print as I run out the door to yet another appointment has made a least that part of our lives soooo much easier.

    Anyways, just thought I'd suggest something that has been a huge help for us!

    Hugs and keep posting,
  10. evbrimom2

    evbrimom2 New Member

    The strangest thing is that last night, when I got off the phone with the nurse who told me that Dr will probably up the dose of medications,first thing I did was cry and then I got a notebook and starting writing difficult child's life story. Then today I got on here and you told me to do just that!
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there.
    I would take him to a neuropsychologist.
    He could have high functioning autism. medications won't be enough for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)--intervetions help the most. If he has something else, a neuropsychologist does an intensive 6-10 hour evaluation. He'll figure out what is going on.

    Tell your sister in law to come back when she's a neuropsychologist. Don't listen to anyone but the neuropsychologist. How are his social skills with same age peers?
  12. evbrimom2

    evbrimom2 New Member

    ok tonight when we go see his therapist I am going to tell her that I want a second opinion on that ADD diagnosis and tomorrow when I give his dr the medication update I am going to ask her for a referral for neuropsychologist at Riley Children's Hospital. I have a nephew with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and when I filled out the questionaire for Aspergers difficult child did have some markers but not enough to be considered Aspergers. Social skills are actually pretty good, he has the most friends out of everyone in the family! At the daycare he does prefer younger children over the kids his own age though.
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello and Welcome,
    Nothing new to add but I'm glad you found us, you will will receive much support here. You are definitely not alone!
  14. evbrimom2

    evbrimom2 New Member

    So we went to the therapist today and I told her that I wanted to get a second opinion about the ADD. She agreed with me and said that she wanted to bring that up but wasn't sure how I would react. I also told her that I would like a neuropysch evaluation and she said, "you do? Okay, I can recommend someone who is really good!"
  15. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Karen! That sounds great! Even though they're professionals, a lot of people in the "therapy biz" are nervous about suggesting that something else might be wrong! Good for you asking right then and there!

    Uh-oh, looks like we've got a "Warrior Mom" in the making! :warrior:

    You'll hear it again and again...don't let people walk over you...if you have questions, ask. If you're not comfortable with the answer - ask again, and again and again!

    Keep posting - it's a long road that's true - with a lot of twists and turns - but they're our kids therefore it's worth it!

    A lot of what he's "reacting" to could be sensory integration issues - he sure sounds like he's going through some of it. Hop on and see if anything looks like what he's going through.

    Congrats on standing up for your family!

  16. evbrimom2

    evbrimom2 New Member

    Thx everyone for your support. The dr upped his medication to 50mg for two weeks and when I asked her about a neuropysch evaluation she seemed pleasantly suprised that I asked that and said that it was a good idea. Both therapist and dr recommended same guy for this and so I will call on monday. A nice suprise with all of this, I was estranged from my brother for many years and he reached out to me a recently because he is going through an ugly divorce. I told him about what is going on with my son and he has been doing some online research of his own and plans to get "The explosive child" so he can further help his nephew!