Here we go again

[TeDo]

Just got a call from the principal. He is giving difficult child in-school suspension for the rest of the day. Apparently, difficult child was calling another student names in their faces and taking books away repeatedly. They are calling it bullying. Knowing difficult child as well as I do, these are the types of things he does in retaliation for something someone did or said. Wrong as it may be, he does not just do these kinds of things out of the blue. I will have to find out what happened BEFORE his behavior. He refused to talk to staff about the incident. Duh, has he calmed down yet? Did they give him time to process it himself first? Did they remain calm and impartial when they talked to him? That is the one thing that always goes wrong. They try to get him to "process" it (they actually have a form they are supposed to go through) before he has a chance to calm down and think things through first. I'm sorry but 5 minutes is not enough time for him to do that and that is how much time they allow him to "calm down". What BS!!! Good thing there is no school the rest of the week.

Any advice on how to deal with this at home? Discipline from me isn't right because it happened in school and they already punished him.

 

[Shari]

I have gotten to the point that I let the school deal with school things, and leave it at that. If they punished him, I'd leave it alone.

 

[TiredSoul]

I agree with Shari - school things for the most part stay at school. I don't agree with double punishment. You could talk to him about it tho and see if he can tell you what happened and what to do instead of calling names and taking books.

I am getting so sick of schools not handling these types of kids properly. What the heck?! Has he had a FBA and as a result a BIP? If not, sounds like he should. I forget, he does have an IEP, right?

My difficult child's school told me that difficult child's behavior in music class (pinching and shoving others) was going to be considered bullying if it did not stop. My question, what are they doing to try to resolve the problems? They sit on risers/bleachers in music - can they sit him on an end, next to a model student? Can they tell me what happened BEFORE he pinched or shoved someone? It seems to me too, that the other teachers he has throughout the day are not aware of his IEP and interventions. Poor communication on the school's part. These schools need to get it together I think.

Oh, I also wanted to add - my difficult child would not "learn" anything by being placed in ISS. They need to re-think how they are "teaching" your child. They don't all learn the same way. Being punished like that would make my difficult child boil and it would not help him realize next time not to react that way.

 

[TeDo]

Has he had a FBA and as a result a BIP? If not, sounds like he should. I forget, he does have an IEP, right?

...my difficult child would not "learn" anything by being placed in ISS.

Yes, he has a BIP and an IEP. That is where the "5 minutes to calm down" comes from. My difficult child doesn't learn anything from ISS OR OSS. Basically, it is a free day then. Especially with an ISS as they bring work for him to do without any assistance or supervision to get it done. He just sits in the office and plays with things. Then the work comes home for ME to help with. We have a 3-year re-evaluation IEP on the 1st so I will be bringing some of this stuff up. I am keeping detailed notes on all phone calls and emails with my suggestions for handling it better written at the bottom. They keep claiming there are some things they can't do but they forget that I worked there until my position was terminated due to budget cuts so I know what is REASONABLE to do. They really do think I am stupid. I will be pushing hard for a 1:1 para to fill in some of the gaps they leave. I will even train them myself to work with him more effectively.

Thanks for the input. It is always appreciated.

 

[TiredSoul]

I would totally have those ideas/interventions (ones you have suggested and new ones you think of) typed out and given to each one of them in your IEP meeting. I also found a tracking form type thing on WrightsLaw I think - that you keep track of your suggestions/interventions and the date you presented it and if it was accepted or rejected by the team. I read you can ask that to be attached as part of his IEP. That keeps them accountable and shows if they are blowing off your ideas. We have a 3 yr meeting coming up before Feb. I am fully preparing for them to tell me he doesn't need an IEP anymore and they can just "work with him on these things" but I do not want that - so I need to figure out what I can do.