Hold me up and don't let me back down/out.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DazedandConfused, Mar 2, 2009.

  1. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I'm going to file for an order for protection for civil harassment on Friday for daughter against three of her former classmates. Another vicious, sexual, and simply heartbreaking Myspace was made of old pictures of Daughter. I have to gather evidence and to look at the images I can't even describe how horrible it is. I have to steel myself and detach in a way that no parent should have to detach when I have to look at them. Plus, I still have the old stuff they did a little over a year ago. I have to keep everything for evidence. We reported it, but because of the sheer volumn of complaints they get, it takes at least a week.

    Daughter doesn't't look-it's just too upsetting. Though, kids have called her about it. After all that she has been through in her life. I have to be honest, if I could get a pass on a few homicides, I wouldn't hesitate. Of course, I wouldn't, so I don't.

    I have never been involved in the courts before and I'm a nervous wreck. I'm teary eyed and I can't even concentrate on my school work. I risk failing this term. Plus, I just don't know if it will do any good. Last time they retaliated and it was worse for daughter. They made the end of her Junior and the first part of her senior year a living nightmare.

    I just can't let it go. I just can't. I can't. It won't stop. My first step is to at least drag the parents into court. I tried talking to them last time. Forget that! They're complete idiots and have no idea what their kids do on the internet. When I think about it, I just shake my head.

    I don't know….I'm not one to ask for emotional help. I'M ALWAYS THE STRONG ONE. I'm the shoulder, but I guess I don't need a shoulder. I need a 'Don't be afraid-you CAN do it!' I just don't want to back out and hope that it all goes away. It didn't before and my guts tells me it won't go away if I do nothing.
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2009
  2. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    Hi, I just wanted to let you know that your doing the right thing. As moms when it comes to protecting our children we have the ability to do anything we set our minds to. Sometimes we feel we are not strong enough or even just have the courage to, but I have to say the most we can do is never give up. You will be just fine, just stay focused and don't let anyone tell you anything you don't feel is right. Have you spoken to an attorney as to maybe what else can be done to these idots?

    Best wishes, just wanted to lend some support!!
  3. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    If you've talked to the parents and they refuse to do anything, I'd file whatever has to be filed.

    My imagination is running wild re: the images. This must be awful for all of you. Why kids do this type thing to each other is beyond me.

    I'm so sorry.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Sending all the positive thoughts & strength I can find your way. You're protecting your daughter in the only way you can now ~ a true warrior mum.

    Is your daughter emotionally strong? She's not self harming in any way because of this is she?

    I hate all those sites & the anonyminity (sp?); the spiteful, hateful things said because there is no face, no person standing right in front of them.

    As I said, we all will be standing with you in court & all thru these legal proceedings holding you up as only this board of parents know how.

  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are doing the right thing even if it's hard to do. You are a great advocate for your daughter. We will be here for you through it all. Sending up prayers for her and you.
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Not knowing what your kids do is no excuse especially once someone else has let you know what is going on. If the parents are not sufficiewntly computer-literate to keep up with their kids when they do the wrong thing, then those parents need to go do a course, or remove computers from the home entirely.

    The nasty precedents have already been set, with the girl who killed herself after her former friend's mother set her up. The community response to that should be telling people thet cyberbullying is bad, it's actionable and there are no excuses such as "It's only teasing," or "I didn't mean it to get out of hand."

    Would talking to the school help? Because chances are, there is some use of school computer hours or school server at some level in accessing the sites. Besides, they attend the same school and they are targetting classmates. Even if the school can't actually do anything, they perhaps need to know so they can be aware of how their services risk being abused.

    Go put the boot in. This is unacceptable and by you taking action you are showing your daughter that she deserves better, that she is worth fighting for and that bullies need to be stood up to. If retaliation happens, again take action. Eventually the message has to get through, that retaliation will also incur punishment and they should eventually get the message and stop.

  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I am so proud of you for taking this step. I know it is hard. Thankfully daughter does not have to see these girls every day since she is not in high school with them anymore. Stand strong. Be brave. Remember that you are doing this not only for you and your daughter, but also for all the other mothers and daughters out there who have lived through this. Hugs and a big iron cane to prop you up.
  8. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm here with you too. You are doing the best thing you can for your daughter. Bullying will not stopped until directly confronted. Also, check the school district policy on cyberbullying if these girls are still students. There could be big trouble for them if they are using any district resources while doing this. {{{Hugs}}}
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Look, I do not mean to freak you out even further, but perhaps strengthen your resolve to do this. Haven't you heard of these kids going so far as to video tape beating up other girls? There has even been one story that resulted in death. It may have been suicide due to the abusive nature of the harassing by teens.

    So, stand up straight and tall. Gain the strength I am sending you via this post and go put a stop to the illegal behavior of others against your baby! It is not right, fair or justified. Nothing ever could be.

    No way should you hesitate!

  10. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Courage isn't not being afraid, courage is doing it anyway. You will do what you need to do because you love your daughter and want to do what is right. You don't need to be unemotional or poised, you just need to get it done.
  11. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Dazed, You CAN do this.
    You're doing the right thing. I hate the mindless cruelty of cyber-bullying, and the ease with which those horrible people can cause such untold pain.

    Sending strength, and a coat of polish for your warrior mom armour.
    Do whatever you have to do to protect your daughter.

  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I would also google other cyber bullying involving my space (the scourge of the earth in my humble opinion for children) you may have precedence with those cases in hand.

    YOU KNOW I'm here to support you and our niece. Wishing you the best! And sending you courage, and gumption - I have some to spare.

  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sending lots and lots of strength and warrior power - you CAN most definitely do this. Every time you are sickened by what you've seen, turn it into resolve to stop this in its tracks.

    Some kids did something like this to my difficult child; sounds similar to what you're going through; and as I was going to take everyone to task, including the school, difficult child cried and begged me not to - she feared the aftermath/retaliation. Instead I spoke with the director at her school and she, together with the evil girls, took down the site. And that was the end of that, as far as I know.

    Being as your daughter is not in school and doesn't have to face these rotten kids every day, at least she doesn't have that to worry about.

    You can do this - you will do this. For you so you know you did all that you could as well as for your daughter to protect her and honor her. I'm so sorry that this has happened. Let us know how it goes.
  14. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    What you are describing sounds like a total nightmare. Seems like this thing is becoming all too common. Be proactive. Maybe you can petition the state to make stiffer laws regarding this. My other thought was that after this is over and it is less painful for your daughter, perhaps she could go and speak with young girls about the choices they make and how (I don't know the specifics, so I apologize if I'm making the wrong assumption here) taking or allowing someone to take inappropriate photos of them can come back to be a real nightmare.

    I am sending good thoughts your way and your daughter's. I truly feel terrible for what you are going through. It is really heartbreaking to see a loved one being tormented in such a horrifying way.
  15. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I am sorry that you are going through this.

    I wonder if you have any recourse in going directly to MySpace and demanding these images be removed and demanding that the user priviledges of the abusers are revoked? After all of the violence and heartbreak associated with cyber-bullying, I am certain that the folks at MySpace do not want to risk liability if they allow bullying pages to remain intact after being notified. ESPECIALLY if you could get notification to them in writing from the office of your attorney.

    Of course, these bullies will soon take their vicious stuff to another site...but KEEP AFTER THEM. Not only can you pursue them for harassment...but courts are beginning to look at this more seriously. You may be able to file some serious criminal charges AND sue them in Civil Court for Infliction of Intentional Emotional Damage.

    While it might not feel good to go through this....a big fat settlement check could do wonders to ease your mind, pay for college and fund a well-earned vacation somewhere.

    Don't let this go!!!!

    You can do it! BE STRONG!!!

    Sending support...and ((((Hugs))))

  16. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs, and I am giving you a cyber shoulder to lean on. I will be there with you in court, an invisible force to strengthen your resolve and hold you up so you stand tall and firm.

    You are doing the right thing. You tried the parents, and if that did not work go to the courts. Cyber bullying is just as bad as real world bullying.
  17. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Those hands you feel on your back and shoulders are all of us propping you up and holding you. You are doing this for the honor of your daughter and for all concerned moms everywhere who are going through the same ordeal.

    I love the idea of those families putting your child through college! You CAN do this!
  18. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Oh wow…

    Thank you. You just don’t know…(oh, you probably do but I just don’t have the words) how grateful I am.

    Thank you and please don’t stop.

    Daughter has requested already to have the site taken down. Plus, I demanded it last night again. However, it takes a while because they have such a bad problem with this.

    I only reason I am doing the court thing is that I HAVE documentation from two of the girls planning this and even using Daughter’s name. Daughter screen shot everything. . Once of them in an IM warned daughter to look “look out for another Myspace”. Plus, this girl also boasted, “I made you look stupid” and “ I didn’t get in trouble for it LAST TIME” . So this girl ADMITS being responsible for the November 2007 incident. I still have all the screen shots from that incident. Plus, I have all the screen shots from when they put Daughter’s pictures on their Myspace with all kinds of filthy captions. I’m so glad I kept them. Of course tucked away in a file folder hoping I would never have the look those images again.

    Oh, and the vile, vile language, the sexual content, and the photo shopped pictures on this new one. I’m going to go to the local police department. However, the crime in our town has been very bad lately and our police force very small. So, I’m going to go down to the station and see if they can help and do anything. If this were adults doing this, but the individuals involved are mostly 16.

    Civil Harassment is only the first step. No I don’t have an attorney. I’m pretty smart and know how to research. I’m exploring in options. I may go the small claims route because those cases don’t drag on for years. The limit here is 7500.00 for the first two cases. After that 2500.00. These families are not rich (I have more money than them), but they do have jobs (one of the parents, actually the grandest idiot of them ALL works at the same SD as me but at a different school) so I can attach wages and if I do get an award I plan to collect EVERY LAST PENNY if it takes decades.

    Daughter is doing pretty well despite it all. She tries to stay away from it. Plus, Son took her ipod and lost it. This happened on the same day as when this whole Myspace thing hit the fan. Daughter was very distraught about the ipod. She has it constantly and she uses it to self-calm. I blew up at Son. So, I bought Daughter a new Ipod “touch” and she is going to pay me back when she starts her new (and first!) job next week. So with being completely preoccupied with the new Ipod, her few good friends that stand by her, and not having to actually face the kids at school, it has been a little less awful for her.

    She is also hugging and cuddling with all the fur babies which helps her tremendously.

    I’ll let you know how it goes!

    Thank you so very much....
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Dazed, you are doing the right thing.
    Plus, you can contact the web host.

    Don't be afraid of the court. YOU are the plaintiff. You are in charge. The court will work on your behalf. Your evidence will help them advocate for you.

    In regard to retaliation, expect it. And keep doing what you're doing. I'll give you an example.

    We lived in a neighborhood with a nice little beach, and we all pd $10/mo fee to use the area. Some teenagers used spraypaint to grafitti the brick wall that had the beach name on it. Neighbors got together to stake out the area to catch the kids in the middle of the night.
    After 3 wks. no one got caught.
    The min. the stakeout ended, the kids sprayed again.
    This time, the adults decided to forget the middle of the night stakeout, and simply wash off the paint.
    The kids sprayed again.
    The adults washed off the paint.
    The kids sprayed again.
    The adults washed off the paint.
    It went on for 3 mo's.
    The adults won!!!!
    Remember, at our age, we have wisdom and perseverance. Teens have impulsivity and hormones. Wisdom and perseverance will win every time.

    Don't let them get you down!!!!!!
  20. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am just so sickened by the actions of others. The girls and the parents.
    At this point there is no turning back. I would think you have to move forward, you have to stand up to all of them. You have to stand up for your daughter for your family.
    This is what we do as Mom's, regardless of if our kids have made a mistake.
    I am sure she has paid the price a long time ago.

    The lasting affects mean nothing to these thoughtless girls.

    I am so sorry for your family.
    You CAN do this.