How do these things happen?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SomewhereOutThere, Mar 9, 2017.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I know somebody with two sons. One is kind and sweet with a family and great job and several degrees. His brother is currently in jail again and is a diagnosed sociopath who has tried to kill his brother and has not spoken to his family for six years. And although he breaks his parents heart every day, they dont try to see him. They are afraid of him.

    These, from all appearances, are two kind, caring, loving, happily married 40 years parents. They are well off and both kids had all the chances on earth. The grandparents were slso beloved by family and community and were very involved in helping others. The boys are about three years apart in age and in their thirties now.

    As we are so hard on ourselves sometimes, i think about this family. And this son. There is no logical explanation for these two extremes if it is all about the parents. Its not in my opinion. Something about this child is different. No, he is not adopted or learning disabled. He got good grades early on then started to skip school and steal and fight and do other things that were so painful I did not hear as they could not talk about his worse. Too painful.

    I changed unimportant details here, but this is basically the story. How? Why? Why doesnt the psychiatric community let go of blaming the parents? Today, many do agree it isnt always the parents. But too many hang onto Freud, who has been proven wrong.

    Anyway just thoughts for an early Thursday morning and my ponderings. Thanks for reading, those who did.
     
  2. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Well since he got born an sociopath its clear that nobody is at fault here but bad luck. He did not chose to be born one after all but he is what he is and he will always like this.
    Can anyone do something about such people?
     
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I think that is the question on most of our minds.

    Why do these things happen? Why do our kids go off the rails for no apparent reason?

    My son is not adopted. My son had a good childhood.

    I have had to let this go and embrace the fact that some questions just do not have answers.
     
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I think it's just easier for them to blame the parents. We are the ones who "raised" them so it must be our fault.

    They don't want to factor in the other influences in our kids lives. They don't want to factor in genetics. They don't want to admit that they just don't know why little Johnny or Susie do the things they do.

    Parents are hard enough on themselves and harbor plenty of guilt, they don't need the psychiatric community to add an extra dose.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My kids all had good childhoods. The onlyone who picked on me as a bad mother was Goneboy. Even Bart thinks he had a fun childhood.

    But my kids, all genetically different, are very different, each with seperate interests. I will never believe DNA isnt huge :)

    I do think hygiene is different. Not everyone puts make up on to run tp the grocery store, but most want to be clean. But drug addicts, some auristic kids, lazy people who dont value themselves...I think these are some reasons certain people dont bathe etc.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2017