How do you cope?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Monacm, May 23, 2012.

  1. Monacm

    Monacm New Member

    For those in particular who work full time, how do you handle the stresses of your difficult child? My daughter started with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) along with an ADHD diagnosis this year and her sudden lack of compliance to attending class that took place for a good three months caused multiple phone calls from school, multiple meetings, and a near miss to transfer to a therapeutic day school or Special Education school when she started displaying ODD behaviors. We knew with the Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and the inability to miss work that she needed to still go to school and it was often a battle of our sitter (and later us) dragging her on the bus. She's had several weeks of therapy and started Intuniv which seemed to help, but I find myself headed to the office in fear of the next call or episode. She is 7 and finishing 2nd grade. I can't help but stress over what 3rd grade will be like and whether I can scrape by on the job if things escalate again. Advice and encouragement would be appreciated.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I don't know. I would have been fired by now. Not what you wanted to hear, I know.
    Is there a way you can talk to your supervisor about changing your hours, since this sounds like it will get worse instead of better? IOW, come in at your normal time, leave if you get a call about difficult child, then go back around 7 p.m. and work until 10 p.m., or on a weekend, to make up for it?
    I would definitely let the supervisor in on it, since otherwise, he'll think you just don't want to work there.
  3. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I have lost many jobs because of difficult child issues. It is not fun. That is for sure!!! I have learned to live with it. If you get fired over something like this, I have found that the bosses are generally okay about allowing you to collect unemployment. Difficult but can be done. When things were stable I would look hard for a job and do what ever extra I could, like coming in before work or staying late. I also talked to the boss and let them know exactly what was going on. I look for the most flexible place that I could find. I have been at this job for 5 years and they have been great about me leaving for Psychiatry appointments or other appointments and hospitalizations. Now she is old enough she understands that if I leave work she is gonna go without. Big time. Hang in there. How old is your difficult child?
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    I stopped looking for full time work due to difficult child issues. The last job I had was as an independent contractor and they wanted me to do more regular hours, but I told them if they wanted me, they'd deal with whatever hours I chose to work (it was a specific project with a vague deadline) and they accepted. It was still too stressful, and that was when things were going well for us. Now I'm full time self employed, and except for November and December, my work has no specific demands on me.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I ended up resigning, I knew they were frustrated and I felt frustrated too when I had to miss seeing my students because of calls and leaving to get him for suspensions etc. It was out of hand and too much stress. We are in financial distress for sure, but it has been four or five years now since I left. I have tried to find another option but I'd have to start after he goes to school and get home before he does, that is not easy. No such thing as daycare or a babysitter for a kid who has his kinds of behaviors or for a student his age around here. I am hoping with this better school placement where they are more equipt to deal with his issues, I can maybe sub. or do part time work finally.

    When you said you had a near you mean they wanted her to go or you wanted her to go? Do you think they are staffed well enough to support her? Are you comfortable with an ADHD/anxiety/ODD diagnosis? anxiety and ODD behaviors are often symptoms that go with bigger "umbrella" diagnosis like bipolar and autism. Has she had an evaluation outside of the doctor who provides medications? They are often more narrow in focus and many developmental issues can be missed by them.

    Have you ever considered a neuropsychologist. evaluation? These psychologists are trained additionally in neurology and can help connect behaviors, moods, etc.... with how the brain works. They can give a better, more objective diagnosis ranging from neurodevelopmental conditions like autism, or adhd to mood disorders like bipolar, to emotional problems like PTSD.....

    Does she have any other interesting or concerning behaviors? How is she socially at home, does she have any sensory issues (sensitive to sounds, smells, tastes, touch etc...or seeks out these things?). How does she do when you go from one place or activity to another? How does she do if her idea of how things should go changes? Does she switch moods drastically and easily? Does she get angry easily. Any family history of any mental health issues? Any birth history that would help explain her struggles?

    I know it sounds like I am nosy but really it is that many of us have these issues and we can share with you more if we understand more about what is going on.

    Share only what you are comfortable sharing of course! Anyway, welcome and yes it is really a tough thing. We have to provide housing and food and it is scary to be so financially on edge.

    What kind of therapy does she go to? Have you ever considered a speech and language evaluation or an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation to see if there are any things you can work on to help reduce some of the behavioral challenges which may have u nderlying causes within these two developmental areas?

    Many of us have found that there are issues (some obvious and some subtle and we dont know till they do the evaluation). It can help to do these and bring the results to the neuropsychologist (big evaluation is really important if you haven't done so yet)....

    For many kids with your daughter's symptoms/issues...the gap widens as they get older. They have to be more organized, more independent, navigate much more unwritten rules and social situations. The language level goes up dramatically....

    I'd doubt that things will get much easier given what you posted. I could be very wrong but it is a common pattern, especially without appropriate accommodations and supports in place.

    If you are being called so often then her supports in school are not adequate. Did you say if she has an IEP? Has she had an evaluation in school? recently? Let us know and if you want any support in that area there are lots of us who have been through this.
  6. Monacm

    Monacm New Member

    It was the school that suggested the placement. This is when my daughter was just getting started and upping her dose of Intuniv. Once we addressed the school change with her at a Psychologist appointment in February, she got scared straight and also disclosed some type of emotional issue she had been facing with a friend of hers. After that came out she started to fully comply at school and we've had 47 straight school days of good behavior.
    We looked into the neuropsychologist testing, but it is not covered with our insurance and it very expensive. However, she is getting a Tova test in a couple weeks. We also had an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation on her and she was found to have some optical issues (appointment with behavioral optometrist next month) and she is getting Occupational Therapist (OT) for a spinal reflex issue which can cause the fidgeting seen with ADD kids.
    She does have an IEP but it primarily provides some social work support and Special Education assistance in the classroom if needed. Her academic testing for the IEP shows her to have superior scores and including enrichment activities was discussed.
    Unfortunately, her school doesn't have a lot of Special Education services and if things escalate anytime next year, we will need a good advocate who could help us to get any additional supports or we may be forced to place her in a Special Education school.

    I am the main breadwinner in our family and that makes the working issue even more difficult. There is no way we could get by on my husband's wages alone.
  7. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    Could your husband take over more of the school meetings/issues? Could he leave his job as you are the primary income?
  8. SmallTownMom

    SmallTownMom New Member

    I tried for years working full time and dealin with my difficult child, I don't have a husband to help. It all falls on me, I hit rock bottom in March and with my doctors help I went on a medical leave. I had to be there and deal head on with my difficult child, I wish I could say it has gotten easier, but at least now I am not dealing with the stresses from work as well.
  9. springsa

    springsa New Member

    how did you get a medical leave?
  10. SmallTownMom

    SmallTownMom New Member

    I am not to sure where you live, I live in Canada and all I did was go to my doctors and told him what was going on and how difficult it was. I was balwing when I talked to him. He knows me well so he knew how much stess I was under. I told me that I needed this time to sort out things.