How does anyone deal with the violence?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ohdearme, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. ohdearme

    ohdearme New Member

    I don't feel like writing much, so here's a child , with a history of behavioral problems, killed someone...nobody understands and i really need help.:whiteflag:
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Welcome. I'm so sorry such tragic circumstances have lead you here, I can only imagine the pain you are suffering through. I must advise you, however, to be very careful not to give any identifiable information as you may inadvertently affect your child's present and future legal proceedings because this is a public forum read worldwide. You will receive a lot of support from this wonderful group of parents, even if they haven't faced this specific issue.
  3. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am so terribly sorry.
    Where is your son now? (not specifically where, but is he at home, juvy, foster, etc)
    What do you need help with?
    We are here, and we understand.
    Please post more so we can help. We are a non judgmental group who truly understand children and their disorders.
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Ohdearme, I am so sorry. Your pain is palpable.
    I am very glad you found us. As Steely said, we are here to listen and help, not to judge.

    Being mindful that you don't want to divulge any identifying information, if/when you feel you're ready, please tell us what you need help with.

    For now, sending many gentle hugs.
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome. I'm sorry for what's going on in your life.

    Please let us know how we can help. Depending on the circumstances, you might be able to get some advice and support from your local chapter of NAMI ( or the National Federation for Children's Mental Health (

    Again, I'm so very sorry.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I am so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going thourgh. I hope we can help- this is an amazing support group and our kids are nowhere close to perfect. If you want to tell us what bothers you the most, what hurts the most, what lead up to this- whatever- we will listen and help as much as we can. Again, I am very sorry.
  7. Wishing

    Wishing New Member

    I am really sorry for your pain. Hugs and prayers for all that you are going thru.
  8. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Odearyou...I hope you find the solace and the ideas that help you to cope.
    I thought about your words for awhile. And we all feel that we are alone with the
    concern and the grief that the situations our sons and daughters bring into our life. But no one is, really. Whatever is feeling that nobody is never really completely so...we all suffer after the behavor our children engage hurts: it hurts others, it hurts our child, it hurts us.
    There are many parents who do know what it is to learn that their son or daughter has killed another. And the courts know too. One day we will have even more awareness for getting proper care to children earlier and for creating safe environments for those who need them through their lives.
    I am so sorry that you are going through this.
    The only way to deal with violence is to stop doing violence.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Nothing to add since I don't know much. I hope you feel comfortable sharing sometime. We are here for you.
  10. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry for you son, too.

    He is your son. That will not change. Your love for him will not change. You can hate what he did, but one action - no matter how horrible - does not define a person.

    I'm sure you're heart is breaking and you are going through pure hell. I can only imagine. I'm glad you have come here for support because I think it is really important for you to have that. Someone (or someones) that are here for you.

  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    It's gotten to the point where I've had to call 911 & request transport of a mentally ill child to the ER. Of course, the police arrive with that kind of call ~ I no longer care.

    Before it arrives to the level of violence I try to call in crisis team. The crisis team (here) are able to de-escalate things most times.

    Hope you can find help for your difficult child.
  12. Critter Lover

    Critter Lover New Member

    Welcome and sorry for what you are going through.

    Hugs and prayers for support.

    Critter Lover
  13. lillians

    lillians lillians

    no one can understand,, and thats ok,, hold your head up,, never raise your hand to another,,and pray that now your child gets help he needs,,how tragic for your family and the family of another ,, hugs and stand tall,,help ,others
  14. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I'm so sorry for your pain. You will find compassion and support here. I hope you have some support, or a therapist, where you live as well. A counselor just for you would be very important for the next while. Hugs.
  15. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so, so sorry. I cannot imagine how painful this must be for you. If it's of any comfort, I want you to know that in recent years, when I read of a young person acting out in such a way (e.g., the young man who shot all those people at VaTech); I find myself more and more wondering about his family, and the pain they must be going through. I know how much it hurts me when my Oldest does something to hurt other people, even in non-violent ways ... to have it get to this extreme must be truly heartbreaking.

    I hope you post again soon and can find some comfort here. These are wonderful people.
  16. sweetjj

    sweetjj New Member

    I want to express my prayers and thoughts to you. It is so difficult to deal with angry and violent children and your situtation is very traumatic. Take care of you and know that we are all here for you. Hugs and prayers..
  17. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    You are living the nightmare that many of us have hope we all avoid. I can imagine the isolation and lonliness you must feel. Please understand that it is not your fault. You child made a choice. You can't contol another human being and the choices they make. We all have free will. I'm sorry for your pain. I can't imagine how hard it must be.
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I have no words to express my profound sadness.
    I can only assume you are wondering how to deal with-the aftermath of violence, because you will no longer have it in your home. I'm sure your son has been arrested and the authorities are dealing with-it. I hope you are able to hire a good lawyer and advocate for therapy and medications for your son.
    I'm still at the point where my son is young enough that we simply remove breakable items, and walk away when he's in a rage.
    I have no idea what I would do in your situation. My heart goes out to all of you.

    Please make an appointment to get yourself some help. A good therapist is paramount to healing and moving on. You've got a lot to deal with.
  19. judi

    judi Active Member

    I'm so very sorry. There are many of us who have children that have done things that we aren't proud of - I'm so sorry. Please know that many of us share your feelings.
  20. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family. When you are ready to talk, we will listen. I hope you can get some counseling for yourself. You despise what your child has done, but you will always have love in your heart for them. I am sending you healing hugs and support. Welcome to our group.