How good at this are you? "What Others Think of Me is None of my Business."

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Feb 22, 2018.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is my new motto.

    Ok, I'll go first and see if there is any other interest in conversation about this. I never know what resonates with others so....if it does, it does. If not, not :)

    As a kid I didn't really care what my peers thought of me UNLESS they picked on me, and they did. But that's the only reason I cared. I cared a lot what my family thought of me. As I got older, that faded gradually (won't say it was fast), but it did fade and, in the case of certain people, I no longer care that my mother and other DNA relatives didn't like me. I once cared desperately what my sister thought at one and it is odd to me that she said one thing that happened to be the final straw for me (and was hardly the worst thing she had ever said or done to me) and it just made me snap and I don't care or know anymore what she thinks or does. But it suddenly turned off my feelings. Oh, I still love her but only as my sister and I don't ever want to see her again. And if she thinks I am anything bad, who cares?
    It doesn't make her right.

    I I am fairly good about not caring what strangers think of me. In general, I stay away from groups of total strangers because *I* don't care much about strangers either. If I don't know somebody and probably will never see that person again, I am not sure what to say so conversation is tough going for me and boring. And stressful. Very stressful. In that vein, I must care a bit what they think of me, at least at the moment so I contradicted myself. But in the big flow of life, I care less I think than many. BUT...I still care greatly that my husband and kids love me. Fortunately, they do. If this were not true, I would not be the same.
     
  2. Baggy Bags

    Baggy Bags Member

    I'm an only child of two socially-minded academics. They basically taught me that we were smarter than most everybody else. That, of course, has lots of things wrong with it, but it did teach me to not care much about what other people think. In middle school and high school, I went through periods where I tried to fit in, but I always knew that it was more of an effort for me than for other kids. At 18, I stopped trying.
     
  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am great at this now. Certainly when I was younger I was not.
    I was the youngest of 10 children and we were far f on poor but there were certainly no extras. I worked from a very young age. Picking fruit and vegetables, bailing hay, delivering papers, baby sitting. Until I was old enough to obtain a part tone job in a department store during school and a factory in the summer. I always felt inferior those more well off then myself.
    Years past and when I have met with acquaintances from my high school years the thought I was an upper class kid from a well to so family due to the way I dressed and carried myself. If we could only see ourselves through others eyes.
    It truly doesn’t matter what other people think about me. Life lesson learned.
     
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  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    When I was young and being raised in an alcoholic home - well didn't know that at the time but did know I'd rather be at a friend's than my house - I felt very inferior to everyone. I felt ugly and worthless and that no one could possibly have any interest in anything that I had to say. I only had a few outfits so was very self conscious of my clothes. I didn't care enough about myself to care what anyone thought of me.

    When I got into high school I finally bloomed and actually liked myself for the first time. I found out that people liked me and thought I was funny. I started to care how others saw me.

    Since I've turned 50 and gone through what we've gone through (and are still going through) with our son I really don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore and it is a wonderful feeling. I don't want to waste my time with people who thrive on drama or emit negative energy. I just want to be around positive people that I care about and enjoy the good things that life has to offer!
     
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  5. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    As a child I was impressionable (for sure), but even considered, never concerned myself much with what people thought of me, and as for being an adult, I have zero, zip, zilch care about what anyone thinks of me.

    I live the best way I can and know how, and while my ways and means earn me many followers and supporters, you will never be able to fully please everyone, so why try.

    I don't have time for moody, touchy, or hypocritical people.
     
  6. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Growing up we moved often with my fathers job for a multi national engineering firm, and I was constantly reinventing myself to fit it. Going from small town Canada to big city Texas I didn’t ever feel like I fit in. I was a shy child and during my moves in junior high I had few friends and was very lonely. My grade nine year I “decided” I would be outgoing and even shortened my name to something “cooler”. Funny enough I did have more friends, but I felt like a fraud and was constantly worried about what people thought of me. Now.... three decades later I’m considered very outgoing and no one would believe I was that shy girl. I think coming into my fifties I’m learning to stop caring what others think.... but it’s not easy. The struggle with our son and the real feeling of shame I have /had with him is losing its grip on me. I realize having a son who may have green hair but is alive and not using drugs is way more important to me then what people think of his green hair

    I am a good and caring person and if someone doesn’t like me....I am learning to let it go. Their loss. Haha
     
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  7. ahhjeez

    ahhjeez Member

    I'm really working on this. Having been with my husband of 30 years has really helped. Both my husband and son are on the spectrum and I don't know if it relates to that or not, but neither one of them could care what anyone thinks of them. My husband more so than my son. It's rather spectacular to experience. So much freedom to just be who they are. Each marches to their own amazing drum. I'm hoping it eventually rubs off on me. :)
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Colleen....so many young people have pink/green/blue hair and not all are young!! I saw a lot at the restaurant! I am not sure that is even considered strange! Your son is a superstar to be where he is today from where he was. And you are too for helping him get there.

    Old Hand, I am done with critical people. Also not into people with chaotic lives who need a lay psychologist. I played that role most of my life, even before I learned to control my own chaos, but have retired from it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2018
  9. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I totally don’t mind his green hair! I think he is cute but I know others do judge.

    He is going to volunteer at my school with some of my tough kids and I know they will love him. He is so good with kids. Some of the more conservative teachers may look at him funny but I don’t care. We are so proud of where he is now and that he is wanting to volunteer. He is working hard in school and is happy. That is enough for me
     
  10. Dory

    Dory Member

    Somewhere Over The Rainbow,(out there)

    You just made me feel NORMAL. HA HA HA

    For the people like us,who have been misunderstood,dealt the hard knocks,

    We are worn out and grasp the real things that matter.

    Some people are TOXIC don't get life and are on a different existence than us.