How my 2 kids turned out

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TerriH, Oct 13, 2017.

  1. TerriH

    TerriH Member

    I used to come here often many years ago: now I am parenting adults and AGAIN I have questions. I thought I would start with an update.

    My oldest with bipolar tends to be 2 steps forward and 1.5 steps back, but she is now 24 and is making a life for herself. She is currently living in Nebraska and got married last June to a fine man. She still fights the mood swings, is on again off again medications as they all have side effects and they only help her a little bit. And, sometimes she works at a job and sometimes she does not. All in all, she is doing pretty good.

    She also met some of her birth family, did not much care for her birth mother, and had a complicated and rather short friendship with her half sister, who also has bipolar.
    .............................................................................
    My son, who has Aspergers as well as mild bipolar, has finally moved out into section 8 housing and has decided, to his surprise, that he LIKES having his own apartment! He comes over once a week and I pay him to help me with my heavier housekeeping, as I have come down with a chronic illness, and taking laundry up and down the stairs is too hard for me. He also does much of the cleaning. When he is done I pay him for his work and also buy him groceries for the week. I will not always be able to feed him as I am 62 and somewhat ill and he is 23, and so last week after much effort I got the food stamps application mailed in for him: I find official language fiendishly difficult.

    speaking of official language, I am going to start another thread for advice on getting him signed up for SSI. It took me many months to work through the food stamps application and even then I ended up leaning on my husband to help me with the last bit, as every time I made some progress on it I had to set it down to help stamp out fires, and when I got back to it I had forgotten EVERYTHING I had figured out and I had to start over. I have Multiple Sclerosis and it DOES affect my memory!

    At any rate, that is how things are now, and I will start another thread asking about SSI for my son. He still thinks he is going to work at a regular part time job, but I am starting to have my doubts as he has tried a couple and they have not worked out very well. He is a slow, methodical worker (with emphasis on the slow) and he tends to be emotional about everything as well. Stress is not his friend.
     
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  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I was. It here until this year. You have done an amazing job supporting and loving these children.
     
  3. TerriH

    TerriH Member

    Thank you.

    It is hard when your kids act differently and people assume you are a bad parent, isn't it?
     
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    It's always nice to get a more positive update. Your daughter sounds like she is doing really well even though she still struggles she is dealing with it.
    Your son also sounds like things with him have improved.
    I'm sorry to hear about your illness. I do hope that you are taking time for yourself.

    ((HUGS)) to you.............
     
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  5. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    i am so happy that things are starting to look much more positive! How lucky there both are to have a mom like you who stuck with them through the roller coaster rides. Sounds like now is the time to do some focus and pampering on you!
     
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  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It sounds like things are going quite positively. I am sorry that you are ill. Chronic health problems are the pits!

    Have you ever contacted the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation (or Department of Rehabilitation Services depending on your state)? Their job is to help people with disabilities get jobs. They provide training and support to people with disabilities who want jobs. I would contact them and have them evaluate your son and then help him. They will provide a worker to come to his job and help train him. If needed, they can even provide someone to stay at his job with him and keep him on task or whatever is needed. I know about this because a friend of mine was one of these helpers years ago. She was stationed at a grocery store with a disabled man/ She kept him on task as he did things like sweep, mop, take out trash, etc... She knew people who just trained others to do office work, etc.... Sometimes they just help with physical disabilities, sometimes it is more in depth help because the person has more profound disabilities.

    As far as problems with forms, next time you have trouble with a food stamp application, or if this one is denied, go to the Dept of Human Services and ask for them to help you. Tell them that you are disabled and filling this out for your son who is disabled. They will help you and it should be no problem. It is part of their job.

    For the SSI application, this is more complicated. I would get an attorney. I don't think you are likely to be able to handle this without help. Many firms will help without any money up front. They take a percentage of the initial amount you get, and then they are done. It probably would make things a whole lot easier for you, and faster for your son. At the very least, go to social security and ask them how you can get help applying given your disabilities. They may be able to help you, I am not sure. That might be a good first step. If they say no, then you could get an attorney and have them do the paperwork.
     
  7. TerriH

    TerriH Member

    Thank you everyone: I will start the process when I get back. I am visiting my Father right now: he is 93. He is in pretty good shape, all things considered!
     
  8. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Hey Terri,

    I come here on occasion, even post once in a while. Funny, last time I was here, you came to mind. Thanks for the update. I'm sorry about your health issues. Your kiddos seem to be doing ok. It was a heck of a rollercoaster, eh? Please take care of yourself, you certainly have earned it.
     
  9. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I have auto immune issues and I can tell you stress makes things worse. Having a bipolar child (also adopted) has been crazy stressful.

    Glad to hear your adult kids are doing well. Improvements are so wonderful to hear!

    Our daughter only works now and then / very briefly and is on SSI. She has more than one health concern.

    Our daughter had a medical record / documentation a mile long since about age four or five.

    She was approved right away...no attorney.

    I was told this is bordering on a one in a million shot.

    Having your son see a doctor regularly who supports this decision is very important.

    Probably most SSI applications are turned down and require legal representation. But, this is ok. If you have good medical records and support all should be fine upon reapplication
     
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  10. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    hi terry

    welcome back.

    my son is adopted, too. he applied for ssi in the same county where he was in placement before i adopted him. thus the county had his history as an infant. he was approved for ssi the first try. he was told this was because of the confirmation by history.

    maybe things will be similar for your son.

    i am sorry for your illness.

    you have done a fine, fine job with your children.

    take care.
     
  11. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear about the MS, but I am glad that your son is helping you. Positive updates are always welcome!

    My step-sister with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome also got SSI on the first try. She is crazy organized and documented everything.