How often do you feel "joyful" or "happy" ?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DDD, Aug 3, 2011.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Slowly I have to recognize that those moments are almost non-existent in my life. Every now and then I receive emails from old friends (high school and college days) and they always say things like "I always looked forward to being around you because you were so friendly to everyone and smiled all the time."

    Yeah, I used to be like that. Now the vast majority of the time I'm just doing what I have to do and try to be pleasant to others. That's a bummer! How about you all? Have you changed too? DDD
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I have moments here and there, but really? Never have been a completely joyful person.

    Ugly duckling as a child, with short, curly hair, glasses, and gapped teeth - later, braces. As I grew up, I got called flat-chested a lot. Still not huge there, which sometimes bothers me. Mostly not now, but occasionally. I was also LONELY - I went to private school, and my parents weren't exactly rich... And almost none of my school chums lived nearby. My best friend K? Lived next door for 2 years - and then her parents divorced when she was about 5 (and she didn't go to my school either). I was an only child, Mom was an only child, and Dad's family lived 2 states away. I became a bookworm.

    I'm also outspoken and opinionated (like you didn't know that), and that's not a popular girl thing in high school... I was labeled as easy, though I actually did probably 1/10 of what was said! LOL.

    As an adult - well, I grew up a loner, so it's hard for me to make friends. The few I have in real life - I trust with my life. And you guys here, because I'm accepted, warts and all.

    But happy? No. Optimistic? probably. Cynical? Oh, yes.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I must be lucky... I think I'm pretty happy most of the time. I have my down times, of course, but I seem to be programmed to bounce back. DDD, have you talked to your doctor about it? You may be depressed or an existing medication may be making you feel depressed. No matter what, a physical is in order.
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    How often do I feel joyful or happy?

    Rarely. It's not that I'm sad or down or blue, mad, angry, hurt or anything in particular. It's just that I rarely have the emotion of feeling truly 'JOYFUL'.

    I am content, I sometimes feel joyful and happy to the point where I actually notice it. But mostly I just am. Content I guess.

    I have had people tell me that I am upbeat, a genuinely nice fair minded person, and fun to be with. on the other hand, I do not see myself altogether like that. I know I am nice, I am usually empathetic and kind to everyone. I think I've grown in those areas over the years. But I also know that I can be judgemental and that bothers me.

    Happy? Most of the time I suppose. Joyful, some of the time. Overjoyed, gleeful, grinning like an idiot - less than sometimes. Of course, this may all be semantics on my part, lol.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sit me in a room with the grandkids, and I'm both joyful and happy. I'm a mother hen type. Now that my chicks have grown up.......I'm still trying to redefine life without chicks to care for. At first that was really hard. It was like my life just suddenly came to a screeching halt. No purpose. Nothing. That was depressing as heck.

    I found the purpose I was lacking. Matron to this family. Although it's hard work and the hours suck, at least I have the fringe benefit of grandchildren who think I'm almost right up there with God himself. LOL

    And I'm slowly getting back into doing much of the things I once did before children made my life too chaotic to do anymore.

    But I'll admit that having to constantly work at just surviving month to month makes it much harder to be either joyful or just plain happy. I have to work at it. And I have to remind myself that having a lot of money doesn't necessarily make you happy either. If I'm having I low point.......I'll do a search and destroy mission to actually find / list all the things I've got to be happy for......if it's a really bad day......I go hunt down grandkids. They never cease to make me feel 100 percent better.

    As a kid I had few friends. As a teen they got even fewer. I grew up with grandma and I was ten times more mature than my peers which made relating to them really hard. So I was pretty much a loner and I still am. I like it that way. No drama. And the friends I chose to have are really good friends, not just casual acquaintances.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    After I posted, this question stayed with me and thinking about it, I can recall, as a child, being told - ALL THE TIME - by adults, some family but also strangers, to smile. ALL THE FREAKING TIME: "Smile, honey, you look so beautiful when you smile" or especially from my mom, "Smile, your dimples show when you smile" and "Why are you frowning?!" (said in an angry voice - even when I was NOT frowning. I just wasn't walking around with a grin on my face.

    Those comments actually bothered me so much that I think I may have resisted smiling at times, I felt so self concious about smiling in front of people. And do you know, people used to (and still do) say it to easy child. Drives easy child crazy!!! And when she was little and strangers would say it to her, I would ask them if they smiled on demand or is it something they only expected little children who don't know them to do. Guess I was hyper-sensitive??? LOL.
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    Hmmmmmmmm I've never been a joyful or happy person. Struggled with depression most my life. I WORK at being joyful and happy and noticing all the wondrous things in life because I know they are there, and yes I do have some moment where I am truly joyful an happy but they are moments. If I don't work it, I sink completely into a depressive state, and that is not an option with 3 kids

    Years ago, I coined the phrase 'joyful complaint'. It was when I was waiting tables. The other waitresses and I always had our smiles on and while in the dining area we'd talk about happy things and such. When we retreated to the kitchen we felt safe to vent. Well, the boss got sick of us constantly complaining (he was the chef IN the kitchen). I don't blame him, because he only heard the negative stuff. So I said, "Hey, M. We're still smiling and we're still laughing, so it's all good, so kwityer:censored2:in' about our bichen. Smiles on means it's a jovial complaint." Amazingly enough he stopped complaining about our complaining.

    Ironically enough I was thinking of posting a similar thread yesterday. Yet another person asked me how I was doing, and every fiber of my being just wanted to start ranting about the huge laundry list of cr*p I'm dealing with right now. Alas, I opted for a traditional response and a wish that my back would stop hurting (I try not to but always seem to share my small moans and groans with ppl anyway)
  8. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I am lucky to be happy most of the time now---and it doesn't take anything to make me happy---I decided when I left ex I would enjoy every moment of my life, and so far I have. I spent the first 47 years of my life letting the choices of others determine my mood---never, ever again.
  9. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I had to take a minute to think about this before I posted. difficult child has been out of the house for a year. She's currently in foster care and doing well at the foster parents house. She loves it there and I love that she loves it there. I love her foster parents and they really like me. This last weekend, I watched their grandaughter while my difficult child was home for a home visit. I was very happy to see that my difficult child has someone she can get along with. I have never seen this before. I was happy to see that she was having fun. Anyway during this last year, I have found happines and joy. I think when you raise a difficult child, joy and happiness can be found in different ways. I am happy when I wake up now, because I know that I am not going to start my day off like I did a year ago. difficult child being violent and calling names. I am happy I am not walking on eggshells in my own home. I finally found me, or remembered me, something I had definately lost. I do have moments of joy, like I was so broke after payday and I thought oh what the heck, I went to Bingo. Something that I don't do a lot maybe 4 times a year. I won 470.00. That was joy. I couldn't sleep all night because I won that money. They paid me a 100.00 in one dollar bills and it looked like a fortune. I got up at 1 am and 4 am and counted it. It was a fortune to me. I am still on a little high from it. I was responsible and paid a couple bills, but I also got a few things that I wanted for around the house and some groceries. My oldest daughter's birthday is Sunday turning 19 and I thought I would not be able to do anything for her. Now I can. That will give me more happiness on Sunday. I used to have a lot of pets, too many. I now just have one dog, Broady. He is totally my best friend and gives me joy everyday. Last night I came home and took him out to the bathroom, and got my Nook out. He was laying next to me on the bed and he nudged the Nook out of my hand twice. Boy talk about a guilt trip. He had waited all day for me to come home and I picked up my Nook. I was happy that thru his actions I was able to pick up on what he wanted and needed. I was happy he wanted to spend time with me. Everyday he gives me comfort just being able to pet him and have him near. While everyday is not perfect and for some, it may not seem like much of a life. It is much better than it was. It took so long to laugh again. ( My favorite show was 2 1/2 Men). I am telling you, that show really made me giggle and just out right laugh hard. I don't have an expensive car, i rent, I still deal with difficult child issues, and struggle financially. I can wake up with a smile, sometimes which is more than I did before, every once in a while a joyous moment happens. Bingo, getting my Nook, saving money at the grocery store on coupons. Spending happy time with kids and Broady. I think it's just going to get better and better. I am just not the parent of a difficult child. I need friends (thank you for all of you) and I need to have fun and laugh and have joyous moments or I would be in a bad place. One thing I did learn in this last year is, the worry issue. I used to worry that I wasn't going to be able to raise difficult child. Well I am not able to, and she's happy and I am happy. Sometimes what you think might be the worst really isn't that bad at all.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am joyful and happy most days. Which is why when I am unable to feel that evey now and then, I panic and call my doctor. She tries to give me a AD and I refuse. I usually bounce back within a few weeks. I chalk it up to hormones.

    I have moments of non-joy and happiness each day, but they pass quickly. For example, when I pick up the phone when difficult child calls and she tells me she has broken yet another cell phone....there is no joy there...but when we work through it and she figures out she is the one solving this is back baby! haha!

    I have always been this way and opposite of someone else, people used to tell me they loved when I was around because I was always smiling. I have been given the nickname of 'smiley' by too many people to count.
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I am happy most of the time, and there are always moments of joy scattered throughout the day. I can be over the top, I sing out loud in the grocery store, and similar things, 'cause you have to get your happiness where you can find it.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good question. Of course, after last night at my house I want to scream "NO!". However, I think most of the time I'm happy. Joyful, sometimes.

    I'm a fairly open person so people I'm close with at work know about the issues surrounding my kiddos. Yet I often get complimented about how happy I come to work each day and that no one could guess what goes on at home. I'm not faking the happiness. I'm able to let go of home stuff while at work and when I'm with friends I'm happy too. After a workout I really do feel my mood changing for the better so when I walk out of the club I'm usually very happy.

    on the other hand, there are definite moments of not being happy as well, which I consider a part of my life. There are times I feel depressed (I do take an AD). Growing up with a mom who has mental illness taught me to take the happy moments when I can.
  13. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I feel a general feeling of contentment about my life. Looking back on how things had been with difficult child, my health, I feel fortunate to have things happen and are now in the past. Comparing now to then, makes me appreciate now so much more. Also, I am only as happy as my unhappiest kid, now everyone is well (knocking on wood) and I am too. I find true joy in reading and I have to make time for that, also I LOVE the beach and have to make time for that.

    Those hard difficult child days makes me appreciate the rest of my life so much more. Compared to that, I can have fun waiting in line somewhere.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    TM I'm healthy and according to the psychiatrist I'm aok too..considering the circumstances. Recently, however, I have recognized that it's rare for me to feel joyful. Having the family respond is my way of judging what's normal for Warrior Moms, I guess. DDD
  15. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Lately for me, it is rare that I am joyful. Back in the beginning of May, I began to feel very depressed and phoned to set up an appointment with a therapist which ironically was scheduled on difficult child's 11th birthday (lol)

    easy child got sick and then I did and all heck broke loose and it has been a whirlwind here ever since.

    I will get to the therapist once things settle down and the kids are back in school.

    We are back and forth several times a week to the Children's Hospital with easy child and right now I just can't fit it in.

    I am going to the movies and dinner with some girlfriends tonight and hope to LMAO !
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Maybe I'm off here, but it's the "joyful" that got me.

    I do have moments of pure happiness, and I notice interesting stuff like the way dew makes the grass glitter.

    I'm not unhappy. I'm mostly content - of course, till something else happens!
  17. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Wow Im really glad I read this thread. Because we have been through pure hell with our daughter the last few years, and the pit just got hotter and more deap, "Joy" sounded like a foriegn word to me. As one poster said, "I am only as happy as my unhappiest kid".I miss joy! When my kids were younger we had so much of this. OUr family counselor asks us every time what we have done for ourselves. We report a dinner here or a moment there. Honestly, I just want to get through this and to a point where we can live with more peace than problems. It's hard to greet each day with a "Hell yah, I'm alive and well" when you have so much to do, organize, and etc. to help your difficult child. I have got to try to figure this out, because it will take years off my life if I can't find it. I am thankful, greatful, and optimistic (perhaps naive), but joy?
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Like the others, I have ups and downs, and I don't know if laughing out loud at a movie counts as joyful (let us know, Shelly :) )
    I like the dew on the grass, too. It makes me smile, even if I'm not smiling outloud, or visibly. I love, love, love my yard and even photos of nature.
    I remember being truly joyful when easy child was a baby, and I used to look forward to waking up early in the morning so we could play together. She was so happy and joyful. In fact, she has lettering on the back window of her car that says "Joyful." :) and her license plate says "There is sun" in Spanish. I am so very grateful that she grew up happy and outgoing, and not dark and shy like I was. (Although I've gotten some darn good poems and stories out of the darkness.)
    I have moments of happiness during the day ... and I am learning to detach from difficult child and P so that they do not steal my joy. husband calls P an "energy vampire."
    So I can be around them, and then leave and do something simple like go to the grocery store and inhale the tea and coffee aromas, or find the chocolate aisle, and be happy. Tuesday Morning (the store, not the day of the wk) makes me happy. And my dogs and cats make me happy. And music. And art.
    And sleeping.
    I guess I'm pretty easy ...
    Interesting question, DDD.
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Exhausted, I can't tell you how many people have asked me, "How are you?" and I've said, "Well, I'm alive." lol!
    They say, "Uh oh, were you in an accident or something?"
    Noooo-o-o ... :groan:
  20. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    It was Abraham Lincoln who said, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." I've always thought that was pretty true.

    I'm a pretty happy person most of the time. Certainly I've had my ups and downs but no matter how bad things are, I can always find somebody worse off and realize how lucky I am.

    When my difficult children were little, I was under a lot of stress and, although I tried to look on the bright side, there was a period when I don't think I was actually "joyful." The few times I got away and experienced that joy made me realize what I was missing but now that they are grown and I am retired, I have far less stress in my life and can enjoy it even more.