how tdo I deal with a coworker with ODD/Borderline (BPD)

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tigerlily, Oct 2, 2007.

  1. tigerlily

    tigerlily New Member

    I have an issue that I hope you all can help me with. I have a coworker ,with whom I work very closely,that I think suffers from a borderline personality disorder. She is well over 40 but displays all the signs of ODD. Her actions and words depict that of someone with a much younger thought process and I am not certain that she is able to actually take responsibility for her actions. In her mind, nothing is ever her fault. For example, in the eight months that I have known her, she has moved 3 times and can't understand why the rental companies are suing her. She is actually convinced that someone stole her identity and lived in these residences using her name. She makes up these elaborate stories to absolve herself of responsibility. She is having her paycheck garnished over it but was angry at our boss for doing her job and sending in the paperwork to the paycheck company and not waiting until it was convenient for her. She either doesn't or isn't capable of understanding anything beyond how it affects her. Things are very black and white in her mind. Never gray.

    There are many many other things as well. She talks constantly,even after being told to stop. She doesn't seem to understand what is and isn't appropriate to say socially. She asks deeply personal questions of people and doesn't understand why it isn't appropriate or why they get angry and offended. She is relationship obsessed to the point where I think she makes her suitors up.She has had so many auto accidents that I have wondered if she stages accidents for insurance money or prescription drugs. For some odd reasons, she calls out from work nearly every thursday. I could go on and on.

    What is the best way for me to deal with her? Unfortunately,she is some how able to do her job,so I doubt she will be fired. I don't feel like I should have to leave my job over it,as I have invested a great deal into it. I am at my wits end. I don't know what to do. I am actually a little concerned that she may make up something to my bosses regarding me. I have learned to cover myself and document everything. It just makes me feel really subversive.
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Documenting is the only way, I'm afraid. If leadership refuses to deal with her chronic absenteeism or bizarre behavior then you are stuck with covering your backside with documentation...and sharing that documentation with your bosses.

  3. branbran

    branbran New Member

    WOW. You have just described my 16 year old daughter, who has been diagnosed ADHD, Bi-Polar/Conduct Disorder, I mean to the tee!!! She too takes no responsibility for her actions, blames everyone else for everything wrong in her life, lacks social skills and asks inappropriate questions. Has this woman ever been evaluated, if not she sure should be. She doesn't have to live this way, there are plenty of medications she could be on that would curb some of this behavior. As for how to deal, well I wish I knew!!! I have been living this nightmare for more than 8 years and still can't figure out the best way to handle my daughter's behaviors.

    Good luck. :smile:
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    I understand you work in the same company with her and that can be a problem but how does her behavior impact you directly?

    Im sure it is a pain in the behind to listen to her ramble on about her troubles when you know full well they are of her own doing but just ignore her. She isnt your responsibility. You can be polite and make socially acceptable comments about how tough things must be and get on about your work.

    Dont take her on as a pet project to fix, you cant. If you are worried she might stab you in the back, document.
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Tigerlily, here is a link to a website devoted to those know/love people with Borderline (BPD). Perhaps it will be helpful.

  6. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.

    Have as little to do with her as possible. Document those things that directly involve or effect you.

    Turn a deaf ear to the stories. Smile and nod.