husband is home

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by crazymama30, Sep 4, 2010.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    He agreed to all my contingencies, did not argue about any of them. I threw out all the paraphanalia, opiates, and all kinds of stuff. All medications that can be abused are locked up, I left out the tylenol and stuff like that, and the suboxone as he takes it twice a day. I am sure he could abuse that if he wanted to, but for now we will see.

    He is himself again. He has apoligized more than I have ever seen him, and actually is acting like a parent again. Last night, easy child would not do her chore and he had a strong discussion with her, I was in the kitchen and when I came out to the living room he was sitting on the couch holding her while she sobbed. I heard him say it was ok, daddy was back and he would not do that again. They know exactly what went on, and I think that it is important they see how destructive drug abuse can be.

    He has an appointment with Serenity Lane outpt on Tuesday, will be seeing a psychologist who deals with people dealing with chronic pain, and is going to set up a different therapist other than psychiatrist. psychiatrist is just too busy, and has cancelled several times and that really bothers husband. He needs someone who will not cancel on him for awhile.

    His pain is horrible, could be rebound from over using the opiates, or the other drugs working out of his system. It is hard to see him in such pain, but part of me is not too sympathetic as he did it to himself. I just have to be careful, because it would be cruel if I said what I think.

    We will do marriage counseling, and probably family counseling too. At this point I don't know if it will help at all, but I think it is worth trying. We actually all laughed and joked together, I don't remember the last time we had fun together without someone getting mad and exploding.

    easy child is worried that she may be BiPolar (BP). I will set up an evaluation for her, I am unsure but think that for her peace of mind she needs to know, and also for her and out quality of life.

    thank you all for your support and for being here. Once again, I do not know if or how I would have made it through this with the support I get here.
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending many hugs and lots of extra strength.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ya know CM, I had to read back to realize that your husband was or was thought to have a problem with abusing his pain medications or even street medications. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It also kind of ticks me off as a person with his similar problems ie: chronic pain and BiPolar (BP). I get those snickers and looks about how I am "addicted" to my medications all the time. I have been in a snit lately because the last time Tony met with my therapist he (again) told her he thinks I take too many pills and one of my biggest disabilities is watching the judge shows in the afternoons! How friggen dare he!!!

    Number one, this was said after I had just gone to the psychiatrist and had 3 medications discontinued because I felt they were making things worse for me so that shows I am on top of attempting to keep my medications to a minimum. Two, I recently started going to a pain management doctor instead of just letting a family practioner "practice" on me. I wanted a professional who knows there stuff. I also just had had a painful procedure with needles in my back that he was there for and I know he would have never had done.

    I do tons of things like getting injections in my knees that turn him green to attempt to not go up on pain medications. I beg him to help get me the wheeled stool so I can work in the kitchen. He can see for himself I cant walk easily. I can hardly get out of bed without help. I have to call him to get me out of the bathtub. But yet he wants to say I am just disabled by watching tv. The jerk!

    I am now on a very low dose of methadone but I dont know if it will be long term because it tends to make me a bit queasy. Im hoping it quits. I hate this whole medication trials. I just want something that works, is low dose and I cant feel it.
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    DJ, trust me it more than ticks me off too.

    I do think that if his pain was well controlled in the first place, he would not be in this situation. I think he was so scared of the pain, and if I were him I would be too, that he was going to do anything to make it better.

    For some reason they took him off his Lyrica in psychiatric hospital. I think it may be because it can activate the BiPolar (BP), and psychiatrist was worried that it was. However, I disagree. I called the pharmacy and made sure there were no interactions between Lyrica and Suboxone, and there aren't, so we restarted it. I called psychiatrist's office and left a message (they are not in on Fridays) that I had checked and there were no interactions so we had restartedit. Within an hr of him taking the Lyrica, his pain was better. husband and I feel he has fibro, but he has never been diagnosed.

    I did not add in a piece to my contingencies regarding BiPolar (BP) medications as he has taken them willingly. He complains, says he won't take them, but when I ask him if he wants me to leave them out of his pills, he always says no. And always takes them.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If you have good luck with lyrica then go for it. I cant handle it. My new pain docs are amazing. They really get working with me between pain and the BiPolar (BP). I really appreciate them for understanding that. Not many folks go that distance. Its either or for some. I cant tell you how many docs have looked at me like I have two heads when I tell them I cant take steroids because of the BiPolar (BP), these docs said...oh we perfectly understand and would never do that to I could have hugged the man.

    After I had to go off the patch as my first try, I was almost in tears saying well I guess we just go back to lorcets, they told me oh no, Im not going to leave you on that and have you worrying about your liver. We WILL find something that will work and will give you a quality of life. Thats our job. I finally felt safe for the first time in a long time.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Honestly, if patients were allowed from the get go to be properly medicated for chronic debilitating pain, you would see less people in these situations over using their medications. But docs now are so utterly terrified of patients becoming addicted to pain medications......abusing pain nauseum, not to mention lawsuits, insurance co's screaming at them.......... they are gun shy when it comes to properly medicating a patient in such pain, let alone a patient in short term intense pain. It became such a huge issue that the pain management docs came along. Unfortunately usually by the time a person gets to see them........they're in such bad shape that it is probably 10-100 times harder to control the pain.

    Stupid. But that's the way it is.

    If the pain could be managed from the get go the person would be able to stay more active longer........most likely not only improving the quality of their lives but also their conditions. Docs know this but are handicapped by *everyone is gonna be a addict* syndrome. ughhhhh

    You know what? Someone with chronic debilitating pain is most likely never going to come off pain medication treatment. So in the scheme of things, what does it matter if they become physically dependent on the medications they're using? Why is it different than any other medication used for chronic illness? I use lasix and have for years. Once I started using it daily I knew there was no turning back. My kidneys need it to function. My body needs it. I am dependent on it. Same for my blood pressure medications, the folic acid I take as script strength so I can drag myself out of bed everyday. Any medication you take on a long term basis (including nasal spray for godsake) your body becomes dependent on to function normally......or as near it as possible.

    mother in law suffered crippling pain that was out of this world for years and years because she was terrified of becoming "addicted" to pain medications. Senseless suffering. Once she had the patches and the medications for the breakthrough pain her quality of life vastly improved. Who cared if she became addicted? What did it matter? Wasn't like that pain was magically going to disappear. Wasn't like she was doing it for fun.

    Guess what? During one major nasty bout with my kidneys I spent nearly 2 yrs taking mega doses of morphine. Did I become physically dependent? Well of course I did. lol However once I was finally through that very horrid 2 yrs.......I had 3 days of the most gawd awful withdrawl........and no desire for more until I found myself once again in that same level of pain.

    Truth is, people in that level of pain rarely feel "high" from their medications.

    Sorry, will climb down off my soap box. lol

    I know there are plenty of abusers our there........but there are people who abuse other medications too and gee they're still prescribed when needed. Just irks me that people who are in pain have to suffer because others are idiots.

    (((hugs))) glad husband is doing better and I hope it continues.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL....I love to get validated. My therapist and psychiatrist both told me that I will most likely be on some form of benzo for the rest of my life and as far as they are concerned, dependency is a complete non-issue. I need them to survive near crippling anxiety and it is much more important for me to deal with that than to worry about some pill. I dont take more than needed or have to increase the dose monthly or even yearly. I just had to switch from one to another after almost 6 years on the same one. If I have to have it forever, who cares. I need oxygen too and no one complains.
  8. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Dj, I think husband's pain doctor was worried that he was going to develop a tolerance and then they would have a hard time finding something that would work. Now? He has major tolerances. I think, no I know, that husband is scared that his pain will never go away, they will never be able to control it now. We are going to look into an acupuncturist to see if that might help with his pain, it can't hurt to try and my insurance will cover it. Maybe a chiropractor too, we have to look into alternative things now.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Not sure exactly what is the cause of his pain, but would a nerve block be an alternative that would work?? Can't hurt to ask.

    I can empathize with husband's fears. When my PTSD flares up from the family used to think it was because I was afraid of dying. I finally told them I have no fear of death's the pain.

    I so hope they can find something that will help him.

  10. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    not sure if this is what you mean, but husband has had more nerve ablations than I can remember. They help for awhile, but then stop. He has had tons of cortisone injections also.

    I really hope they can do something tot, there is just no way he can continue on this way.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    HI there -

    I'm not sure about where you live, but here in SC? I don't know if its DF's physical appearance - the tattoos, the long hair, the biker thing...or the fact that you can pump DF up with enough morphine to drop an elephant and it does little to nothing - I'm talking at least 3-4 shots before he feels any type of relief in serious pain. Even when he accidentally shot himself in the thigh? It took so much to knock him out the surgeon was amazed. However he is on methadone and a really strong dose every day. Now - that said? At ANY time of the month, 8-5 M-F, we can get a call, from his Pain Management Dr. (PMD) and they can ask him to come into the office for a urinalysis, and to bring his pills for a count. IF there is ANYTHING else in the urinalysis (street drugs or not enough methadone, too much methadone) HE IS OFF THE PROGRAM. period - ONE bad Pee test and he is done. PERIOD. IF he is short pills? He is off the program. PERIOD. If he is OVER? Well then they readjust next months prescription by the overage PER DAY because apparently he didn't need them. It's ludarcis. It's ludacris because they had him just perfect managing his medications and WHAM - no more methadone - lets go to opiates. WT?

    So without tapering - and what have you? They tried him on opiates and DF can NOT have a chiropractor - no one in this state will see him - he has fusions, 2 18" rods, nuts, bolts - the works. He had to get a card just to ride on an airplane for the security bells. However - the methadone gives him "the dumbs". it's also said to cause heart problems. So now he's worried. They told him they could install a morphine pump surgically....well lah t dah. How about the dumbs then? I'm not sure what the answer is for pain management.....but I've begged him to see a Chinese herbologist. Nope. Accupuncturist.....not happening. So he's just doing his own thing with dope that leaves the conversation lacking most days in our house and I thank God every day for my dogs. HOWEVER - if it ever came to the point where he started 'self' medicating? He'd be on his own and he knows it. So I applaud you for standing up for yourself. Pain or not - there has to be boundaries and alternatives.

    I hope it works out for you all. Many hugs.......gentle ones. And excercise and a good diet helps too - I got him to at least try that and he's dropped 60 lbs and feels a TON better.....literally. Even exercising made him feel and move a lot more.
  12. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Star, trust me I have been there done that with husband also. The last time went into the ER for pain control? They finally put in an IV as they had done so many IM shots. Must have been 5 or 6 and it barely touched him. Plus then they gave him a couple toradol shots, same with robaxin and phenergan.

    My husband's problem is the exact opposite of your df's. He is a clean cut cowboy looking guy. He does not look like he is in pain, and he was raised to never admit to pain, to block it out. Not working anymore. Due to husband's appearance, I don't think the doctor's were taking his pain seriously (except for psychiatrist) and were undermedicating him. When we would call and tell the pain doctor his pain was worse, he told husband to take tylenol. Sure, might as well swallow a tic tac, it would do the same thing. If they had medicated him correctly, I don't know if we would have ever been in this place.

    However, husband on suboxone is much better than how he was on tons of opiates and street drugs. He is nice, he has not been nice in months. He is saying please and thank you again, we have spent more time as a family and enjoyed each other's company in the last 3 days than we have in the last 3 months. He is more relaxed, more laid back.

    I am a little concerned about next week and the future, husband does better when people are around, and school starts on Tuesday and I have to go back to work then. He has an appointment Tuesday for out patient drug rehab. so hopefully that will keep him busy, as well as appts with chronic pain therapist and substance abuse therapist. It will be what it will be, and only time will tell.

    I did not realize how much I missed him, the real him.
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2010
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I do think that if his pain was well controlled in the first place, he would not be in this situation. I think he was so scared of the pain, and if I were him I would be too, that he was going to do anything to make it better.

    This is a key component. I watched it with-my cousin, as well. Therapy helps a lot.

    Meanwhile, congrats to your husband, Crazymama, and hugs to you ... it is so poignant to "hear" you say you missed him. So true.
    I am sending vibes of health and luck and strength to you all. And best of luck with-easy child. I assume you will do blood draws for hormone levels, serotonin, etc. I think she will feel better just going to the dr and knowing that something is being done.