Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KTMom91, Aug 15, 2010.

  1. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hubby and I went to see the traveling Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall after church today. It was truly a humbling experience to see the size of the memorial, and the number of names on it. I was very glad we went.

    Then, on the way home, Miss KT calls Hubby, because my phone was off. As usual, she refuses to talk to him, saying only, "Tell Mom to call me." I check my phone. She called, but, also as usual, didn't leave a message. I called her anyway, and got her voice mail, and didn't leave a message, because I figured it wasn't important. No return call, no nothing. The drive took about 45 minutes.

    We get home, and I discover my dog has been left in the back yard. It's 100 degrees outside. There is no shade and no water. Miss KT is nowhere to be found. I totally lost it. Buddy's panting, his nose is hot, so we got him inside, gave him water, and put the cooler on high. He's doing much better now. I'm ready to strangle someone.

    I call her, and it goes straight to voice mail. I scream. Then I text her, letting her know she is dead meat for her irresponsibility in taking off and leaving my dog out back in this heat. She finally calls back, and I'm screaming. She gives me the impatient "I'm soooorry" and I get mad all over again. I tell her exactly what I think of her stinky attitude towards Hubby, how she could have talked to him when she had him on the phone, her inability to complete the chores I ask her to do, and, again, for leaving my dog outside. She responds with, "Fine then. I'll take all my stuff and move in with Nana until I leave for college." I'm still screaming, and tell her, "You do whatever it is you need to do. I'm telling you what's gonna change because I've had enough, and I don't care if you leave in three days or not."

    She calls back about 10 minutes later, wanting me to tell her to move in with Nana so she can be the professional victim again, with me throwing her out. I tell her again to do whatever it is she needs to do. Then I call my mom. I guess she's moving in for three days. With all the stuff she's taking to college. And her birthday is Tuesday.

    At least my Buddy is all right.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} to you and poor 'lil Buddy. Do you think a cool bath might make him feel even better? I know this isn't how you pictured Miss KT leaving for college but perhaps it's for the best. She needs to learn that her actions (or inactions) have potentially far-reaching consequences.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    How totally AAWFUL of her!!! It isn't just irresponsible of her to leave the dog outside like that - it is CRUEL!! It might be a good idea for her to move out - kudos to you for NOT giving her the excuse to be the "victim" in this case!!

    I would be breathing fire too!! IS poor Buddy okay? I hope he didn't get too dehydrated!
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'd be steaming, too- TG he's alive! Many dogs get heat stroke in lower temps and in the shade. I've heard that putting their paws in cool water or letting them stand in it so cool water gets on their pads is a quick way to give them some relief, for future reference. I'm sure you'll survive her punishment of you by not being there for 3 days. LOL!
  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Poor you and poor puppy. Take a deep breath and if you decide not to give Buddy a bath maybe you could relax in one and let the moment float away. Or at least I can hope for you that it will float away.
  6. emotionallybankrupt

    emotionallybankrupt New Member

    Wow. It's amazing Buddy didn't have heat stroke.

    When difficult child began making threats to hurt my dogs, I began deadbolting them away from her when I left the house. It was a ridiculous way to live, but I think it was necessary, and it gave me great peace of mind. I was never quite sure if they were empty threats or not, but I know she always resented that the dogs preferred me to her.

    I'd give some thought about whether to give her another chance with Buddy. Ever.
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Poor Buddy! I hope he's feeling better - it stinks that she left your little pal like that. Give him a big ol' hug for me (and some extra bones for not blaming you - you KNOW how they can guilt you with those big brown eyes!).

    You know, when my older sister left for college - she left in tears because she was always the perfect child for my parents. But for whatever reason, my dad picked on her for EVERYTHING the summer before she left. It was like he was squishing in last minute parenting just-in-case!

    Do you think it's the final straw OR just 18 years of irresponsibility coming to a head?

    Brilliant strategy by you to not let her be the victim - beautifully executed! I'm extremely proud of you and would pray that I can pull it off as well as you did!

    I'm inspired! ;)

  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It's times like these that you wish that the dog would lock the difficult child out in the heat for a few hours and see how well they like it.
  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Mary, I know how angry you are. I came as close hurting difficult child as I have ever gotten over his irresponsibility with my sick Honeysue. I had to walk away and remind myself that he was my son. I know I scared him. I scared myself for the feelings I had. Fortunately, he got it and has been much better. Actually a very responsible dog sitter for me.
    I think the anger you feel is justified when she, who demands so much, can not care enough to treat an animal humane.
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Give the poor pup a cuddle for me. ARGH! Bubbles won't ask to come in when it's hot - fortunately, everyone seems to look out for him. Mostly.
  11. emotionallybankrupt

    emotionallybankrupt New Member

    I'm beginning to wonder just how common this type of conflict is, in a home with a difficult child and pets. Our first MAJOR domestic violence boil-over here began over that. Nobody was physically injured, but we had a situation where I could not and would not back down regarding the care of pets we had at that time which were "hers." Their care was SUPPOSED to be 100% her responsibility, but when she would not do what had to be done, I stepped in. That brought a major territorial war.

    But those are just details. I think the root issue goes back to empathy. Or lack of it. And maybe since pets can't talk, a difficult child's behavior more easily moves toward outrageous?
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Did you ever find out what she wanted to talk to you about? And why she was unavailable when you called back? I mean, she might have been calling to say, "I forgot to put the dog in; do you have the neighbour's phone number so we can get them to rescue Buddy?"

    Although from the sound of things, I doubt it.

    The trouble is, all she will interpret from your anger, is that you care more about the dog than you do for her. She's probably going to tell Nana this version of events also. Just giving you a heads up to give Nana the true story.

  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Good point, Marg. Just to be absolutely safe about the circumstances, is there a possibility that the dog wouldn't come in for her and she was afraid husband would yell at her over it? Well, thinking furhter, if that was the case she should have left that message for you on your phone.
  14. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    OMG! I would be tearing somebody a new one if they did that to my dogs! It was cruel and uncaring and thoughtless! I'm so glad he's alright! What she did would have killed three out of four of my dogs because their breed just can't handle the heat, but any dog can get a heat stroke and die in this heat. No way should she make herself the victim in this! If it ever happens again, besides bringing him in to the AC and giving plenty of water to drink, you can sponge him off with cool water to bring down the body temperature quickly.

    Personally, there's only one person that I trust to take care of my dogs if I'm not there ... and it's NOT my son! I have a lot of rules, all for very good reasons, but he tends to overlook some that he thinks are silly. But two don't get along at all and have to be kept separated, one gets overheated easily and has breathing problems, and one has all kinds of allergies to be careful of. The only one I trust to take care of them is the vet tech who boards them at her home. If I ever have to go somewhere overnight, I pack them up - crates, beddings, toys and food - and they go stay at "Camp Diane" till I get home! And she's worth every penny of it!
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I just want to emphasise - there are no excuses for what she did. But you need to make absolutely sure you know everything you need to know, so you CAN head off any attempts she might make, to 'justify' her actions or to make you look like the villain.

    Forewarned is forearmed.

  16. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    What she did in terms of neglecting the dog in 100 degree weather is inexcusable.

    But in terms of her immediately pitching to go live with Nana for 3 days before leaving for college...another take on this...has it occurred to you that she may be nervous about leaving? About going off to college. Although most 18 year olds who are going off to college, away from their parents, there is a part of them that is terrified - especially given all you've done for Miss KT, Know what I mean??

    When my easy child went off to college, although she was excited and fully ready for the transition, she later confided that she was very nervous about making the transition, making new friends, doing things 'right', etc. It explained why she seemed to go out of her way to be mean to me the few weeks prior. Instead of just saying, "Mom, I'm a little scared", they act out and have major attitude.

    Just my thoughts...and not meant to lessen your anger over her neglect of the dog. I"m sure this isn't how you imagined her final days before going off to college - I'm so sorry.
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so glad Buddy is o.k. Hugs to you both you and Budddy.
  18. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    They can turn themselves into a victim no matter how you handle it. My son told my mom that "this is a communist house and all that matters is if mom is happy". :rolleyes:

    I would have been seething, too. She's old enough to know better. The total lack of respect, consideration, and the sense of entitlement gets very old, very fast.
  19. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Glad Buddy is ok.

    Enjoy your 3-day-early peace time...
  20. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    She did not go to Nana's, she came straight home. After several attempts to be my friend (I was minimally polite), she retreated into her room and hasn't come out. I was ever hollering at Mom when I talked to her earlier.At least she understood why I was so upset.And I still don't know how long he was actually outside, the timing changes. My estimate is that he was outside close to an hour, and I'm so thankful we got home when we did.. Apparently she will be staying until she leaves for college, but I don't have it in me right now to spend bonding time with her.

    I don't care what her motive or reasoning was, it was too hot for him to be left out back for an extended period, especially with no shade and no water. When he wants to go out to sun himself, I keep close track of the time, and he suns when we go hang clothes on the line.

    We'll see how thing go for the next three days.