I am getting more and more upset over the buck situation

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Feb 11, 2012.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He has been her what now? Two weeks I believe now or almost that long today. So far Billy has taken him to Social Services one time to apply for Food Stamps the last week of January which was the stupidest thing he could have done because they will use his income from January to base those stamps on. Idiot. Plus he hasnt done a darn thing to finish these applications except to stare at the paperwork they sent home with him. He hasnt filled out any of the paperwork or sent them back in. I believe they give him 15 days to get they papers back to them before they close the cases. I am not saying a word because I mentioned it the first day but I am not saying anything else. Billy has told him that he will take him up to Job Services to look for work any day that he is off work. Buck just shrugs.

    We just found out that the state of SC kept his state income tax for some reason. Billy did do his taxes the first weekend he got here. We havent heard from the federal but how much you wanna bet they keep that too. Buck says he hasnt filed regularly for years. Ugh. Of course he hasnt worked regularly either.

    I am so sick of the fact that I keep going out to my kitchen and finding it rearranged. My food is disappearing like magic. I am spending a fortune on food. He eats more than I have ever seen anyone eat. I buy stuff that would feed us for two or three weeks and it is gone in a week. Like I bought some hash browns that would have fed tony, billy and I for at least 3 weeks because we only eat them on the week ends and they are gone already. GONE! I bought them on Saturday!

    I am attempting to get up at 4 am with Tony so I have a little bit of time alone with him just me and him. Then I will go fix me a small bit of breakfast...just a bowl of cereal or a bagel so I can take my medications after he leaves. Normal I go to the potty after he leaves. It never fails that after he walks after the door and I go to the bathroom and walk back to the kitchen, his ass has come out and he is sitting in the family room watching tv! He waits till tony leaves because he knows Tony would tell him to go back to bed because I am up. He sits there and watches me look in the fridge for stuff that was in there as leftovers. I ask him...where is this and that and he says...oh I didnt think anyone would eat it since he was left in the fridge over night. HUH? I hate having to sit there and have to fix me something to eat while he is sitting over in the corner in complete silence. This is my time. Im going nuts. Tony has no clue this is happening.

    I am sitting up waiting for it to be time to put meat in the crock pot so I can go to sleep all day. Then I dont have to deal with him for the day. No wonder I sleep all day and am awake all night.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet, I would totally be going crazy by now!! I totally get your morning time. Even when my kids were babies, I got up early for "me" time. I enjoy getting up early, all is quiet, coming downstairs and making my coffee, watching the early morning news, check emails, come on the board here.....I don't like my routine interrupted. Makes me ornery for the day! Buck sitting on a bar stool watching me would p*ss me off!!!

    Maybe you should bite the bullet and say "Buck, let's sit down now and do that paperwork." If it can get him out of your space faster, I would do it.

    I'm doing a crock pot dinner too. Pork with pineapple and peppers. I have two friends coming in town and we are going out for drinks before they go on their own for Valentine dinner. When I get home, I won't have to think about dinner!!

    Hope your day gets better - hugs.

  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Is there ANY food you eat that Buck doesn't? If so, I'd be loading up on that.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont know that there is anything he doesnt eat. Id love to know what it is. He does have a real smart mouth though when talking about anything other than southern cooking. If I liked tofu maybe I would do that but even I dont like that...lol. I do love my spoonbread and that is something Tony hates so maybe Buck will hate it too.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I know we've all said it before, but this is absolute bullish///!!!!! You need to get him out of your home. I would be complaining non stop, loudly with no regard for Bucks feelings, until he was gone. I agree, it may behoove you to sit with him and get that darned paperwork done already. It certainly can't hurt. Give a little and hopefully gain a lot, Know what I mean??

    It's not right that you're imprisoned in your own home, your sanctuary. Tony is off at work and you're left to deal with this lumpy moron. Not fair. Thank god Billy is at least helpful to an extent and offers. Gosh Janet, sending lots of support, I'm so sorry. I'm feeling my blood pressure rise just thinking of the way you're living.
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I can do tofu as part of a lasagna but so far that's the only way I've found I can eat it. Key with that stuff is A) buying the right kind (firm vs silken) and B) properly draining it. If you have the time and will I'm sure you can learn to do a lot better with it than I did.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He sounds very passive agressive to me. I don't know how you're putting up with it, being that this is your home and he's not paying to rent a room even.
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    easy child buys it crumbled and uses it at chop meat and it's actually fine, no one can tell. on the other hand, if you make it too palatable, Buck may like it!
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    When we were kids, my mom would tell us to stay in our rooms and read if we were up early on sunday mornings. Apparently, that was her 'me' time. We'd hear her out there softly humming as she folded laundry or had her coffee in peace. Sometimes she would put on some opera and just sit and relax without interruption.

    Perhaps you could designate that first hour of the day as your time and ask Buck to kindly leave you to it. I know it's a long shot, but you can word it in such a way that maybe he will understand that it would serve him well to give you that time to regroup before the day begins. Ugh. I just want to dig a ditch out back and throw him in it! Can you serve him some poisoned peas? Start playing the Dixie Chicks' 'Goodbye Earl' over and over again.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Janet, I know this is the last thing you want to do..........and I totally get why it is.........but I'm thinking you're going to have to sit down and do that paperwork with him for foodstamps or any other services he might qualify for, as well as hunt down HUD places or low rent places or whatever where he can go. I know this was a line in the sand for you. BUT......like when katie was here the first time.....if I hadn't dragged her everywhere she needed to go and either hovered over her while she filed stuff or did it for her.........she'd have never left our home. I did it for the sole purpose of getting her out as fast as possible. What she did once she was out was her problem because I'd already made up my mind she'd not be back.

    This is obviously the situation you're in with Buck. He's right where he wants to be, being supported by other people, doesn't have to do a think all day except laze around eating and watching tv or whatever. If you want him out, I think you're going to have to drag him through the steps to leaving. Stinks to high heaven, and I don't blame you for not wanting to do it, but I see no other way to get him out of there.

    Hmm. Now that I think of it, I had to do it this last time with Katie too, only I was already onto her game and it didn't take me months to get her out of here.

    Moochers like Buck and Katie never leave on their own. They have to be forced out.

    You're dealing with a ton of passive aggressive here. You're going to have to passive aggressive right back. Also, if you're actively trying to get the paperwork done ect and then he refuses.......(and I'd make a big deal about oh I'm going to help buck do such and such to Tony by the way) then it's on him and Tony will see much more quickly what is really going on.

    I went head to head with Fred over Katie. At first she was just his poor little girl who had been homeless, who was pregnant with a young baby and how could I possibly think of putting her out! I spent all day long hunting for programs that would make her independent.......even found one that taught her how to drive for free, state gave her a car, so I didn't have to drive her around everywhere. (I don't think either program is available anymore) I made the calls and pulled strings to get her into the HUD apartments, I sat in her welfare meetings and did the request for her to get her GED for free, ect. It didn't take but several weeks for Fred to figure out that she just sat on the couch watching tv eating us out of house and home while I was doing all the work. That ticked him off because it hit him he might be stuck with her forever like her grandfather was with her biomom and he switched sides quick. lol

    It's obvious buck is not going to do this own his own. He doesn't want independence, he wants someone to take care of him.

    As for the personal space thing..................oh, yeah. Totally get it.

  11. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Your situation is INTOLERABLE. I know that with your health and Tony's health worries, it is easier to go with the flow but, seriously, you need to start screaming like a banshee until you get him out of there. Go to the appliance store and get a refrigerator box and set it up somewhere and tell him it is his new home. YOU CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS. NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND SHOULD EXPECT YOU TO LIVE LIKE THIS. If nobody else in your family cares enough about you to take care of this situation, then it is up to you. One of my favorite quotes for the movie and book, The Help applies here: "You is kind, you is smart, you is important." Obviously, you can't rely on anybody else to fix this for you so you are going to have to fix it yourself. They are ALL playing you and it is time to put a stop to it. NOW!
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Any chance that Buck is illiterate? If so that would explain the paperwork avoidance. Actually kinda hoping that is the case so that you all could do his paperwork and get him out of the house, sigh. What about a day worker business? We have one next door to our fancy :sigh: and some people arrive at 5:30 am and stay there until the afternoon in hopes of picking up a few hours. That would get Buck up and out and make a regular job look good.

    Like everyone else in the family I am truly sorry you are living this way. Wish I had a real answer but I don't. by the way do you buy the groceries from your funds or do you and Tony buy them together? Maybe (big "maybe") if you started keeping actual notes on the food cost increases Tony would "get" that Buck is a very expensive guest. The only other subtle way I can think of to share your grief with-o an argument would be to preplan you meals and post them on the refrigerator door for all to see. I did that for years and years and actually found it helpful. So if you show Wed. is "chili" night...and the beans and the meat are gone??...everyone eats cold cereal. Hmmm. Maybe?? Hugs DDD
  13. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Not to give him any excuses but that's what I was wondering too ... maybe he's not filling out the forms because he can't read and write well enough to do it and doesn't want to admit it? Does he wear glasses? Could it be that he can't see well enough to do it? Of course that doesn't excuse the rest of his behavior! He's obviously right where he wants to be, getting free room and board, and is determined to ride it out for as long as he possibly can. And he knows he's got it made because he's so good at guilt-tripping Tony in to letting him stay!

    I know you've drawn your line in the sand about filling out the forms for him but if it will speed up his departure, I'd be grabbing that pen and filling in the blanks! You have to do SOMETHING because otherwise, a year from now, he'll still be there in front of your TV eating your food! I'd also be driving him around to every fast food joint in town and every temp agency so he can put in applications. And now is the time for you to be tracking every single expense you have, every dime you spend, (pre-Buck and post-Buck) so you can show Tony in black and white exactly how much it's costing you to have him there. It might take that to get through to him.

    I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this, Janet. Sometimes life just isn't fair at all!
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Those are good points...
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wondered about the literacy thing too and asked Tony that and then I asked him just last night as I was going through some old books if he liked to read and he told me that the only book that ANYONE should be reading was the Bible. Oh here we go again. He told me that if people read anything else it puts bad ideas in their heads. Ugh. I did point out that reading for pleasure was perfectly allowed.

    I suppose I will have to fill out the paperwork...if he still has it. No, I am going to make Tony do it tomorrow. Tony was able to spend today out fishing leaving me here all day long alone with his brother. He didnt even take him with him. So tomorrow Tony can spend the day doing what is needed for his brother. He brought him down.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a plan! Go for it, friend. DDD
  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Okay, reading this, I thought my head would just explode off my shoulders!
  18. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'd be ready to kill them both at that point. I admire your restraint, but there must be some way to express this and get it across constructively. I get that Tony takes any attack on his brother as a personal attack on him, but he needs to seriously get over that.
  19. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Janet, you have a smartphone, don't you. Start taping things he says and taking a video of him grazing all day or lazing around. Just start documenting and collecting the data, it may prove to be useful one day to show to Tony or a court, who knows!
  20. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Maybe the bible comment is more effort to hide his issues with reading...if there are any. Would be interesting to hear him read the Bible out loud not to humiliate him but to see if this is really an issue....

    Good idea to make Tony fill the paper work out... your plan to get him into the boarding house should continue I hope....

    Hang tough! It is your house and happiness at stake here.