I count this as a win

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MommaK, May 28, 2016.

  1. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    Daughter passed 8th grade. It was by the skin of her teeth but she passed. It was the most emotionallydifficult school year ever with her cycling so fast and us not knowing till the end what was going on. She started medication 2 weeks ago and right now it seems to be helping after an increase this week. She is currently PMSing and if you don't know what that is like with an untreated bipolar girl, let me just say you never want to know. This week tho has been a breeze for her and us.

    My husband and I are having a really rough spot in our marriage and are at the point of splitting if things don't change ASAP. Daughter knows and has put in her 2 cents on what she thinks. She is wise beyond her years and I saw a glimpse of the amazing woman she is becoming. We always hope and work to raise them to be responsible, independent, loving, productive adults. When you see the struggles our difficult children face it worries you for what their future will be like. I know daughter will not always be on even keel because of her bipolar, but I applaud her in how she is handling it. She is learning everything she can in therapy to help her manage. She is understanding that it very likely will require medication for the rest of her life to manage it and help her function. She is willingly complying with taking her medication, tho I know that may not always last. She is a realist that faces things head on and now she is beginning to see glimpses of how she can do that without losing herself to the chaos that bipolar makes her feel when she isn't being treated.

    I do not expect life to always be easy with her or for her, but I am rejoicing in the victory we have had in this moment.
  2. Praecepta

    Praecepta Active Member

    Tell her good work! You must celebrate by doing something special...
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Momma, I am glad for her and for you. She is lucky to have a mother who is able to, in the midst of the chaos and uncertainty, look to her strengths and her potential and to celebrate that. I really do applaud you. That takes great strength and character.

    I am concerned about what you write about your marriage. While I understand that this is not a "relationships" forum, whether or not our relationships survive is surely a very important factor, in our stability and well-being and that of our children.

    Are you willing to post about this, what you see as your choices?
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    :woohoo: This is awesome news! I love to hear that she is doing so well. It's nice to be able to catch that glimpse of growing into a young woman! Glad she is medication compliant and learning in therapy. That is a huge plus! I'm sorry you and your husband are struggling and will send good thoughts for the best outcome for both of you.
  5. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Definitely a win. :biggrin:

    Would your husband consider counseling either for himself or for the two of you together?
  6. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    He is looking for one, but our problems stem from him becoming emotionally attached to another woman. He provides for us financially, but that is it. I am the one dealing with our difficult child and not difficult child. Difficult child requires a lot of time and attention, obviously. Not difficult child is easy going and waits patiently for me to have time to spend with him, which I feel guilty about but that's another story. Husband is also very needy of my time and while I was dealing with kids he found a friend and she quickly became emotionally attached to her because she listens to him complain about me not having time, kids being difficult, house work not getting done. They both ride motorcycles so that is where it began because I don't have much time to ride with him.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    He has a nine year old SON and he isn't spending time with HIM? Sorry. No excuses on that one. I kind of understand "dumping" a difficult daughter onto Mom - Dads just don't get the whole female hormone thing, and in your case, he has challenges of his own. But... he could take his SON riding with him. And do other things with SON. Who happens to be needing attention too.

    Hugs. I feel for you.
  8. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    He and I had a come to Jesus meeting the 2 days ago. He rode 19 hours and 1032 miles home yesterday. I basically told him no more her if he wants to stay married to me. This is not the first time he has done this. It did lead to an 8 month separation the first time. The first tho became much more involved and lead to us both making some really bad decisions. Anyway after our talk he cut his trip a week short and came home. This morning on his own he got up and decided to take DS for breakfast and a motorcycle ride. It seems like he is much like our kids, they want to do what they want and damn the responsibilities, but at the same time they want us to set the limits and hold them responsible. We now begin to take steps again to rebuild what has been lost and try to fix what is broken. I won't give up on him. I cant. I simply don't know how to give up.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm am sorry about your husband. Yes, he sounds immature. Things get tough so he runs away to someone else...ugh. that is one thing I'm not sure I could get over. I admire you for being a bigger woman than I am. I hope things work out.

    On the other hand, I am so encouraged about your daughter and her wisdom about her bipolar and her willingness to take medications and work hard in therapy. To me, this is overall a BIG win for a young lady who will do what it takes to be well and happy.
  10. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    My husband is an odd breed of man. He is very old fashioned in his belief that the wife raises the kids and tends to the home while he is the majority of financial stability. It's how he is, I can't change it. He has been in a depression for several months and I honestly think that is what lead to him confiding in her which lead to emotional attachment. I must give her credit in that at times she did defend me to him, I saw it with my own eyes. He at my request has ended their "friendship" and I feel badly for her because in the process she got her feelings hurt. I do not feel sorry for myself because I made my decision to stay with him and try to make my marriage good. If it doesn't work and I end up hurt then it's on me.

    My daughter is mentally mature beyond her years. She sees that the life she desperately wants will not happen unless she puts in the effort to understand herself and how to handle what life has given her. I have raised her to know life is not going to be easy and if you want something it will not be handed to you. I have raised her to work on being a better version of herself than she was yesterday. I am constantly working on me and she sees it. I am willing to admit mistakes and take the responsibility for my errors and learn from it. I am willing to apologize, and willing to listen to others opinions and seriously consider them and change mine if needed. I may not be great at a lot of things, but dammit, I do believe I am raising my kids to be responsible for themselves and their actions; to realize that while they may have bipolar or adhd or a learning disability those are not excuses for not putting in hard work to overcome the obstacles placed in our lives and be successful adults and human beings.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    MommyK, you sound like me...wow. My autistic son has an attitude of gratitude like your daughter and works hard and does well. I always instilled a strong work ethic and like you I see it paying off in all my kids. So kudos to you as well. I actually think it is emotionally easier for us to give our kids toys for free than to make them work to earn them. I had to hear "but her mom just bought her a car and she doesn't have to work!"

    It is hard, but it produces a stronger kid in my opinion.

    I also feel it is mandatory to be able to tell your child,"I was wrong." It fosters trust.

    As for your husband, he will be the big loser if he doesn't get his act together. You sound like a great lady!
  12. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    So the husband picked the daughter up from therapy yesterday and then took her to get ice cream. The day before he took DS to breakfast. He is trying right now so I'm celebrating even that small step in the right direction.