I don't know if this is the appropriate place or way to post. I joined, read a bit, but haven't posted. Tonight I am so overwhelmed and, quite frankly, just looking for some compassion and understanding. I guess advice is welcome too, but please don't preach or judge - I just couldn't take it today. My autistic teenage step-son is coming home from a visit with his mom in a few days. She's fuelled up his stupid idea that failing classes because he's playing video games instead of doing his work is perfectly alright and we are horribly demanding parents to expect that he do his homework, take regular showers, and speak respectfully. He's been lying to us and disrespecting us for weeks and is failing classes for lack of work handed in, and she has validated all his screwed up autistic thinking on this. She wants him to come back and live with her and she will say and allow anything to make that happen so she won't have to be alone. And here's the kicker. I want him to go. I am so exhausted of the games. I am so exhausted of the guilt and the emotional abuse of being accused by someone like this and not allowed to strike back because he's too fragile. I have a degenerative disease myself and his dramas and stress is making it so much worse and the decline so much faster. I don't want this anymore. I just want to live happily for a little while before I am confined to a wheelchair and diapers and maybe even a feeding tube. I want to travel and entertain friends and be happy and intimate with my husband while I still can. I want more to look back on than this life I have right now. This is not a child who will be there for me when I am in need. He isn't capable of self-sacrafice and I have put all my time and energy into this boy who turns on my at the drop of a hat. He remembers nothing of the fun we used to have, of the neat things I arranged just for him, of the love we've given him. And because I've given him everything for years, I have not cultivated other relationships that would benefit me in the difficult years ahead. I know this sounds horrible, but I don't want to sacrafice anymore. I want to enjoy myself for the next few years. I want him to go live with his mother, even though she is not a very good mother. He will have a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and endless time to play video games (which is all he wants to do anyway.) My husband does not want this, though he is as fed up as I am. He knows his sons behaviour is pretty much fixed at this point and his prospects are very limitted, but he wants to keep trying. I love him dearly and I don't want him to have to choose, but I think if the child remains after the school year ends, I will have to leave. Why am I telling you all this? Just for the sake of saying it to someone. Maybe someone will tell me I'm not a horrible person. Maybe I am a horrible person and that's what I'll hear. But I needed to get this all out of my head. I'll be okay. I'm going to ask my doctor for antidepressents next week so that I can sleep when Jr. and his drama come back 'home'.