I feel bad for difficult child 2 -- his playdate backfired...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Jul 16, 2008.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I suggested to difficult child 2 that he invite two neighbor kids over to swim in the pool we put up (he needs the social interaction AND the exercise). They happen to be sisters, one who is a year older than difficult child 2 and one who is several years younger... but the older one has ADHD (her dad is BiPolar (BP)) and difficult child 2 gets along with her really well, and he always gets along with kids who are a lot younger than him -- he becomes very protective of them.

    So things were going "swimmingly" for quite a while... at least an hour. Then the three kids wanted easy child/difficult child 3 and difficult child 1 to come in so they could play a tag game in the water with more people. difficult child 1 declined, but easy child finally was convinced and just jumped in with her clothes on.

    But after a half hour or so, there was an incident between difficult child 2 and easy child and I had to pull them both out of the pool. easy child and the older girl accusing difficult child 2 of trying to pull their pants down, plus easy child saying he difficult child 2 kicked her in "the privates" and him crying because easy child pinched his chest really hard. He denies "trying" to do what they said -- that he was trying to pull himself out of the water using them to gain a footing and subsequently grabbing onto them... not sure about the kicking, but this isn't the first time. He is having impulse control problems, especially with his sibs, but it seems whenever easy child and difficult child 2 get together the sparks fly -- sometimes easy child's complaints are legit, and sometimes she's a big part of the problem.

    I just feel bad for difficult child 2 because he has no friends and these neighbor kids are about it -- and when he tries to include easy child, things fall apart and he is left alone and easy child's out there with the other girls now.

    Maybe I let him stay out there too long and it was just too much activity for him for one afternoon. He's inside now making himself a snack and then we're going to hang out in my room and watch a movie for a bit... It shouldn't be this hard to be a kid. :(
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry the play date didn't go well. I totally can relate to what you say about your easy child and difficult child. My easy child is often a huge part of the problem. It can be very hard to get to the bottom of things. Whose side of the story do you believe? Do you think the girls are telling the truth?

    Maybe he was out there too long but I know when I see my difficult child finally enjoying himself with friends I tend to want him to have as much time as possible.

    It hurts to see our kiddos struggle so much socially. Hugs.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well, the afternoon got better for everyone. The girls played by themselves for a while, then the older one came in and got involved in the kitchen with difficult child 1 who was making ice cream from scratch. difficult child 2 came in and decided to cook one of Herbert's eggs to share with the girl while easy child and the younger sister played nicely outside. difficult child 1 and the girl talked for a long time -- it's the most sociable I've seen difficult child 1 in a LONG time! difficult child 2 just sort of hung out and listened, interjecting his 2 cents every now and then.

    After the girls went home, my three went out back to invent some kind of war game where they all had weapons of some sort and were fighting some imaginary enemy. They're all collapsed in various places (on the tire swing, on top of the monkey bars, etc.) feigning a mortal defeat :D What a rare Kodak moment that is!

    I'm sure, though, that armageddon is just one impulsive word or deed away...
  4. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    agreed it is heartbreaking watching them struggle. difficult child II was so overwhelmeded with his "friendship" with a female friend, that when she started being like little girls are, he coldn't process it, or deal with it, it hurt to watch him struggle so much
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Glad the rest of the day went smoothly.

    Sometimes it is the amount of time that is the culprit in these situations. But, it sounds like everyone worked out their issues and things were forgotten.

  6. Christy

    Christy New Member

    My son has only one freind and no siblings but it is his own behavior that makes it this way. I feel so sad for him and understand how you feel.

    Glad thigs worked out in the end. :)