I HATE hunting season

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by threebabygirls, Oct 18, 2008.

  1. threebabygirls

    threebabygirls New Member

    husband is an avid bowhunter. He and his buddies have a hunting "camp" in the Finger Lakes region of NY. They try to go there as often as they can during the season. This weekend is the first trip of many this fall and I'm already ready to fling myself off the tallest building in town.
    difficult child escalates when she knows husband is nowhere near. Therefore, nothing is of consequence to her. She does as she pleases with no regard for anyone else. I have such a tension headache right now it's not right.
  2. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I hear ya, it's not easy dealing with a difficult child without your expected breaks, it aint easy with your breaks, LOL. He owes you.
  3. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I guess it's a little late to discuss things with husband for this weekend ... but! It sounds like a major discussion is needed about the effect of husband's hunting trips on the household along with some equally major brainstorming for solutions. If your difficult child reliably acts out on these weekends it does her no good to establish that behavior pattern, and you need some support and some respite.

    Do you have any services in place such as home TSS or respite services? If so maybe you and husband could plan the hunting weekends for when you can get respite or higher TSS hours. Is there anyone you could hire as a weekend nanny, to have another adult in the house for adult support and rule enforcement? The cost would have to be included as part of the nondiscretionary cost of a hunting weekend. Maybe having a relative over for the weekend? If nothing else the relative would see your difficult child's behaviors and be of help in further discussions with husband.

    I'm assuming husband can't/wouldn't take difficult child with him; if she's extremely oppositional it would be dangerous for her anyway. However, he needs to step up and assume equal parenting responsibility. One way could be trade-off weekends to give you a holiday. However, I gather your difficult child behaves better with husband around, in fact he mainly follows through on the rules? ... and that holiday or no holiday, the weekends with husband gone are too hard to survive? If so, he needs to face that and a) hunt less often (!!!), and b) arrange for help at home during the weekends he does hunt. This is affecting your health and for the good of your marriage as well as your sanity, it needs to be worked out, possibly with a counselor.
    It would also be good to talk with a counselor about difficult child's reactions/nonreactions to you, and how you can regain difficult child's respect and cooperation. You need her to respect what you say. I'm not blaming you for her disrespect - just saying she NEEDS to respect you and that's another issue to pursue.

    Good luck ... put a movie on for the kids and try to take a relaxing bubble bath, or do whatever relaxes you for a half hour ... and get rid of that headache. {{{hugs}}}
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oooh, so sorry Three. I know the season will seem like it lasts forever.
    Katya has some good ideas. I hope you can work things out in the future.
    I also hope this gives your husband some respite, and that you can have your turn when he comes home.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL...I am a hunting widow too. I was just mumbling to myself as I roamed through here with an earache....dang opening day...lol.

    Now my kids dad always involved my kids in everything he did so I didnt have the problem of the kids left behind....I was just the one left behind...lol.
  6. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Sounds like your husband is in my neck of the woods--I live in the Fingerlakes. Want me to go find him and send him home?! So sorry you are dealing with this.
    Thinking of you,
  7. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Yes I am a hunting widow too! My youngest son goes sometimes. My husband has tried to get him as interested in it as he is - my husband is obsessed. He sees the deer he wants to kill and doesnt stop until he does!!!!!
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    You can come and hunt our deer any time. Mind you, it is illegal any time, even though they are in plague numbers. That's the trouble, when some idiot decided to let them loose in a national park about 130 years ago. "oh, tally ho, let's ride to hounds."

    Flamin' idiot.

    Oh yeah, they also released foxes, too - same reason. And now, 130 years later, they're laying baits to control the numbers.

    I think you need to talk to husband about difficult child's needs for him. You need back-up help and maybe some strategies in place to get your control back. Otherwise these hunting trips are going to not last once she's older.

  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sometimes having your own getaway will help you get through it all. If I were you, I would plan a weekend spa getaway for after hunting season. It might just help you get through the next few months.