I have arrived!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by klmno, Oct 8, 2010.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think I got all the most precious and critical things out of the house but not all I'd hope, and I am connected to internet so I am ready to start my new life now! The emotional side hasn't hit- at least the pain of losing everything after being a homeowner for over 16 years (not the same house) - I was just too busy all day trying to salvage what I could and get here. I am looking forward to moving on now- but I'll tell you, I'm starting at a pretty low place being in this hotel. LOL!

    I want to relax and catch up on everyone else but need to make a phone call first.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Good luck K----I hope this is the start of a brand new life full of happiness and joy. I left my former life in May---I have been happier in the last 5 months than I had been in years. I left behind tons of "stuff" but I gained a sense of freedom that I could not have fathomed even existed. I have less material goods and less money than I have ever had, but I am truly happy. Life can be grand---but we have to make it that way for ourselves and look for the positive. My latest mantra is No problems---just solutions waiting to be found.
  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    K, as you sit in your hotel room, please remember that we are all with you in spirit. Huge hugs and our arms are around you.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks! I spoke with the boss and he wants me to meet him at 9:30 am. So much for sleeping late and relaxing- maybe I can do that one morning before starting work. I drove over here looking like koi-- so I'll get up early tomorrow to wash hair, dig out decent clothes from the trunk of the car (which are probably wrinkled now), put on make-up, etc. He's pressuring me to get a place this weekend and make it a nice one so it won't look bad to the higher ups. Fine, but I have to pay CS and can't afford the same as if I didn't have a child/difficult child. (I didn't say that to him but I was thinking it.- He apparently has no children.) And he strongly hinted that they might have a problem with it if I stayed in a hotel until I got my first check at the end of the month. I hate to say it, but if they are already worried about this move looking bad, I hate to think what will happen after difficult child is released again and I have to take off work to go to court or see PO.

    Honestly, I am very happy to be in a hotel for at least a few days. I need this time to let go of stresses of bills, cleaning, etc. Somehow it leaves me feeling free of a lot of things and I would prefer to take my time finding a suitable to rent/lease without being pressured to hurry up and make it look like I meet the status quo. Oh well, we'll see what happens tomorrow.
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2010
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Why on earth does he care where you live? I would just say you found a studio for rent. Many of the hotels are weekly studio apts now. Thats how corporate folks travel or even construction folks who live out of town for weeks at a time. Quite nice too.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, K. Hope all goes well tomorrow at work.
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    I agree with Janet, I don't get why this is an issue for the boss. I'm proud of you for taking this giant step and prayers are with you that each day brings a new miracle.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It's not the first time I've run into this problem. People who run businesses that provide professional services obviously want the people they hire to be professional. No brainer. But they get to the point of being concerned where you live, what you look like when you run to wally-world on Sat. morning because you ran out of something you need right away, etc. So you get pressured to present a certain image and have a certain lifestyle, live in certain neighborhoods, etc. Of course we all would do better if they paid us better so we could but they don't look at it that way.

    Then, on the other hand, you get the juvie judges who don't care where you live as long as you pay the CS. Fine, too. Except that if I do everything the court people want me to do, I won't keep the job. (See expectations above.) Both can't be done. Sorry. And that's exactly how I ended up being unemployed.

    And then, again, I'm hearing from people ITRW that I shouldn't be worried about what will happen when difficult child gets released next year. To a certain exrtent I can see that- it's not like I sitting here crying over it. But I can't be in denial about what I need to be prepared for and I have no idea how to make that work out.

    But right now- one day at a time is my matra. And remembering what Dr P said- when a parent realizes that their efforts aren't resulting in the kid getting better, it is pointless to let your life go down the tubes to keep trying, save yourself and try a different angle. Sometimes the very fact that the parent does this can help the kid.

    I'm so glad though to be out of that jurisdiction. You can't believe what a load it takes off my back. I had to sign that I'd accept difficult child coming home to me with PO today in order for him to be able to transfer difficult child's case. I did that but then I guess the parole plan will be decided by the PO here. Otherwise, if I hadn't signed, it would have gone to court in that original jurisdiction for placement to be determined. Stupid or not, I couldn't and wouldn't risk that because the odds are that difficult child would have ended up at my bro's and feeling that I had abandoned him on top of it. In my mind, if he would be well over 17yo when he's released I might have handled things differently. But I will not ever abandon my son and really don't understand why that jurisdiction has to handle things in such a way that it goes from one extreme to another- I really just want transitional services for my son and us and a temp placement for him to gradually be allowed to live at home again. But who am I.

    Anyway, I will be going on with my life now and as Dr P said, sometimes that is the best thing you can do not only for yourself but for your difficult child. I'll do what I can to make this job work out but I sure can't take financial risks for it. It's a fine line right now as I get to know this guy and he gets to know me. Hopefully things will smooth out a bit as he sees that I am professional at work, didn't misrepresent myself, etc. If he thinks this move was too much drama though, it's sure a good thing I didn't tell him any more info. The drama of this move is nothing compared to facing homelessness, going thru difficult child issues, etc. And yeah, I arrived here looking like koi (he didn't see me) because I worked my **** off this week to get here. I'll let this go- this is the kind of stuff I need to just let go of by relaxing, transitioning to looking forward, getting back in a frame of mind of having a life of my own, being in the work force, etc- which is exactly why I thought a few days in a hotel would do me good!
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    no you aren't. your beginning again and i gotta say i'm proud of you, sounds silly but i am. your giong to be ok. this was a good last post to read before i go to bed.
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Big hugs, and way to go, girl!
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Maybe the point of all this is to teach my son- by example- that a person can really pull him/herself up by the bootstraps when the world seems to be ending and you feel like you have failed.

    I think that a lot lately.
  12. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Stay strong.

    But, be careful.

    I understand you saying that you are in a professional situation now, but frankly k, I've been around (well, not like that!!!!!). I've worked in a highly professional atmosphere, grew up in that world, and do business with that world every day. Never, ever have I heard anything like what your new boss is selling. Why and how would the higher ups even find out about where you were living? You just relocated. Whether you go to wally world in your pjs is of no concern of anyone but yourself (and the person with the phone camera taking your picture for the people of W site!).

    Seriously k - this doesn't make a bit of sense. You have relocated a week after receiving a job offer as a single woman. You have closed up the house and moved your stuff in storage. You have coordinated the information to the system your son is in, you have done everything to insure you are ready to move on, step up, and do your job. That's all that matters. I don't buy this c*ap. The next time your new boss says something, I would say "Mr. SoandSo, I appreciate your concern for both my welfare and how this reflects on my position however, as you know I have relocated for this position within 7 days and I need some time to decide for myself where I will be living - it's an important decision for me."

    The bottom line k is that it's none of his business. Period.

    Don't feel pressured to make a decision for his benefit. I don't think you will do that but.....

    You will regret making a quick decision about where you are going to live. I think I know the city/area you moved to and it's a real dichotomy of socio-economic differences. If it were me, I would take my time making a choice - sitting in my care at night watching the comings and goings - parking my car and walking around on the weekend, pulling up a crime report on the internet, etc.

    It would be a nightmare for you come up with 2 months rent, sign a lease, and then 5 or 6 months down the line find out it's not where you should be. Trust me, you don't want to get into leasing issues.......

    I'm not trying to get into your face here k. Just telling you that you might be so appreciative of this new position that you make a decision that is not quite right in order to please your new boss. Self first......

  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's exactly how I'm thinking LDM. Except I'm not quite sure how much of this is just his personality or if there really is a status quo issue that I have to be leary of with the higher ups. By that, I'm referring to where I livve and what I do on my off time. This private company is hired for a one year contract by the place I'll actually be working (please don't mention that place). The boss is saying if the people at that place, don't think the company is reeflecting enough professionalism it could/would cost them getting the contract again next year. Of course that makes sense. But I seriously dobt the people hiring this company care where I live like this boss is making it sound. I don't know though if he's that naive or overly-concerned or using that as an excuse to get me to rent his place he will have in a few weeks.

    I am sure he's going to be royally ticked now. What button do I push to answer a flipping cell phone?

    I didn't get the wake up call so I woke up about 5 mins ago. I have missed both difficult child's call and meeting the boss at 9:330. I know I was dead tired but had no idea I'd sleep this late. He's going to think I'm not dependable at all. What do I tell him?
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Id tell him he must have got your number wrong...lol.
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It's back under control again. Shewweee...

    I called him right back and told him the truth. He wasn't happy but didn't fuss. I told him I really shouldn't have committed to meeting him first thing this AM because I was so tired but my wake up call not coming in made it impossible. He and his wife ran an errand while I got ready and drove to that neighborhood. That house is beautiful! It's split now to two huge units for rent. It appeared obvious to be out of my price range but as it turns out, it now looks like the idea of me renting it was his wife's and she's fine with the idea but he's just as leary about it as I am, I think. He finally suggested that since the schools for that neighborhood might not be a good idea for difficult child next year that I should try to find something around that same neighborhood but smaller and be frugal. (Gee that's what I wanted to do all along.) However, they will work with me if I end up in a crunch and can't find anything at all so that is nice to know.

    This is the first time I met his wife and they drove me around neighborhoods showing me good and bad ones (real bad ones-unsafe, drugs, etc) and then good ones where I could write down the phone numbers on "for rent" signs. I think we are all a tad bit more comfrtable now after chatting while doing this and getting to know each other a little better, at least. So, the nweighborhoods he was concerned about are neighborhoods I would be concerned about, too. He did show me one where rent is less but it's still safe. We didn't see any signs there for an apt for rent but I can check online and see if anything is listed.

    They weren't as snooty as I'd feared so that was a relief. Maybe we are both just still leary of each other since we "found" each other online, and long distance. Hopefully, they also walked away today feeling a little more reassured that I'm really not a nut. LOL!
  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's not unheard of, especially in this trying financial times, for property owners to work with realtors to rent their property. Perhaps you should check into that avenue as you've narrowed down your search to a particular area. Perhaps an agent could find out of any upcoming avails. Make sure they understand upfront that you will not be paying the "finders fee".