I must rant or I will simply explode....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Dec 6, 2011.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    ...at the sheer craziness of difficult child and her enabling dad.

    She is in NYC For a concert at an auditorium (sp?) in Hell's Kitchen. She arrived this morning having left this area (NE Ohio) yesterday morning, driven to Cincinnati to pick up a friend (female, thank God, but neverltheless someone she met online through Tumblr) and then on to NYC.

    Before she left, her dad filled her gas tank -despite the fact that she missed her payment to him for said car only a few days before.

    He just called me: Have I heard her Tale of Woe? As a matter of fact, I have not. She has been in touch, letting me know she'd arrived safely, called a couple of times from the road but - no, there's been no Tale of Woe.

    She is out of money. Out. She has a hotel room with a group of people (shudder) who worship this band, but no money for parking, gas or tolls for the trip home. She has asked him to wire her $.

    ....I was speechless, which is probably a good thing.

    Had he not filled her tank, perhaps she would still be stranded ... but not in NYC.

    How convenient for her. She, of course, is still planning to attend the concert (she has the tickets, so why not?). Then what?

    She knows better than to ask me for help and I'm keeping mum.

    The sense of entitlement is never ending...
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well the good news is, she's not dumping that Tale of Woe onto you. That means your boundaries are firmly in place and are working! I think that's fantastic. Her dad obviously has a long way to go before he'll figure that out.

    It's amazing, though, that even in situations like this, difficult children tend to find a way to survive/get by ... talk about living life on the edge...
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    There must be something in the air today. I don't blame you for being upset. It's just a good thing she didn't call you. Kinda serves enabling dad right.

  4. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Oh, it's a very good sign that she didn't call me about the money. I am also happy that she is at least checking in and that she seems to get it about who to ask. She didn't tell me she was driving to CINCINNATI on her way to NYC, either. And she's out of money? I wonder why.

    Still, I can't help but worry. Even if it does no good.

    And, Nancy, I don't like this thing in the air at all...
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dash....I must tell you, these stories do keep me entertained. One would think I had already written my book and the difficult child's had read it! When I was 20 and right after I had kicked my first husband out, I went a bit nuts. I reverted to my difficult child ways in a huge way. One day I met this guy in Richmond who convinced me to sell a car stereo and we got high on pot. The next thing I know I woke up in Times Square! IN MY CAR! He was a male prostitute. He got out of the car, took our suitcase out of the trunk and went into this male only club saying he was going to make some money. He never came back! I stayed in my car on the side of the road on the side of 8th Ave and 48th for anyone who knows the area all night long. I saw some dude get mugged and thrown out of a truck. I stayed awake all night long with a knife in my lap...lol.

    The next morning a couple of young guys came out of that bar and asked me what I was waiting for. I told them about this dude. They said they had seen him but he had left out the back exit in the middle of the night. I didnt know what to do because he had all the money! (Now here is where I get stupid and incredibly lucky) These two guys were also male prostitutes but they took me with them because I had a car. We went to Spanish Harlem. One of them had a brother who lived in a cold water flat. We slept there for a few nights. I went back and forth with them for 2 weeks. I ended up being with mostly one of them. Alaska Joe. He had been on the streets since he was 14. I cant describe the things he did to make money..it was awful. He was good to me though. Most folks would have tried to turn me out but he wouldnt let anyone touch me. I saw awful stuff though. People shooting up, fights, arrests...awful. He would put me in a little bar across the street from a restaurant that Billy Joel wrote about in one of his songs...cant remember the name right now...and I would sit there all night long waiting for him to come back. Sit there drinking either slow gin fizzes or diet cokes. Maybe smoking a joint or cigs and reading. Then we went back to his brothers. He never expected much from me. I think we slept together a couple of times. Not many.

    Its a wonder Im not dead. When I got really sick with the flu he paid for a bus ticket for me back to Richmond and I went home. I never heard from him again. Im sure he is dead.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Maybe the story you're getting about her being out of $$ isn't true... maybe its just manipulation to try to get more?
    In which case, she may not be stranded.
    (or at least not yet...)

    Reminds me of bro.
  7. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Well, her dad wired her $250 last night. She gleeflully texted me that she was "in line" for the concert (which starts at 8:00 p.m. TONIGHt for which she already has tickets .... baffling). Clearly she is none the worse for the wear and is now happily involved in her adventure now that she has been bailed out by dad.

    He stopped by last night and I think it is possible that he is beginning to see the light. He is furious with her and furious with himself for not telling her before she left that he would not help her. What he couldn't live with (and I understand this ... remember we are new to the difficult child scene) is the thought of her being there, having her car towed and not having any money to leave.

    He says he's going to lay down the law when she comes back and tell her that is the last time he lends her a dime.

    If he follows through, it will be a good thing. We'll see.

    Insane, I'm pretty sure she really is out of $. She asked him for $50 to garage her car, but he pointed out that she would need 48 hours instead of 24 (as the concert is tonight) and she'd need money for gas and tolls to get back here. He (in his continued denial) thinks she'll return with change and receipts. I think she'll return without a dime.

    Janet, that's some story. You know how lucky you were. The thing is, the ones who aren't that lucky aren't around to tell their stories.

    The good news is that last night, for the very first time since this nightmare began, X acknowledged that she needs professional help. This doesn't mean she'll get it ... but at least there is a glimmer of hope that he'll begin to stand his ground.

  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dash...I know enough not to let my kids out of my sight for 2.2 seconds...lol.
  9. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Your poor kids didn't stand a chance!
  10. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Janet, thanks for your stories... it is a good reminder that difficult children do often survive and turn into responsible adults!!! I need to hear that.

    Dash - I think one of the hardest things is to get to the place where you no longer are willing to enable your difficult child and then watch as others continue to do so. My husband and I have always been close to the same page but he has always been one step behind me in the enabling department. Both my kids know they can easily manipulate dad into getting what they want.... my easy child daughter laughs about it now and talks about how bad it would have been with difficult child if I had not been around to set some limits!!! My husband has gotten on board though... but yesterday when I decided not to give difficult child more money for food.... the first thing I did was email my husband because I didn't want him getting a text from difficult child and saying ok!!!

    And it has to be harder with an ex because an ex doesn't have to live with you and get your wisdom whether they want it or not. LOL. I know there were times with my husband when my difficult child was living here that I made it clear I would leave if he did certain ridiculous things for my difficult child.

    So I think you did well... and your difficult child knows she can't and won't get the money out of you. Your ex seems like he is getting it and I really hope he does.

  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm just sitting here innocently whistling recalling my "trip" to Chicago when I was 18. I won't get into the gory details but will say my kids got away with very little because Mom had already done it. I'd sowed some major wild oats before husband came along. I was just smart enough, or darn lucky enough, not to get my fanny arrested for some of it. Luck was a lot of it, I was darn lucky to make it home alive from my Chicago adventure.

    Dash, I do think it's rather huge that it has finally registered with difficult child that Daddy is the only one going to give in, that you have her number. I think *maybe* this will be somewhat huge for your ex as well. Fingers crossed that it is.

  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I, too, had some "adventures"... But never further from home than Cleveland...
  13. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Believe me, folks, I had plenty of adventures. I, too, marvel at the fact that I not only survived ... but never got caught. But here is the (huge, huge) difference: 1. I had a job. 2. I had no debt 3. I did not spend money on tattoos, cigarettes and ill-fated vacations and then expect to be rescued. 4. I did not think that going to New York, via Cincy, made sense. 5. If I had thought it made sense, I sure as heck wouldn't have called my dad upon arriving in NY following this insanely circuitious route and then act surprised to be OUT OF MONEY.

    In other words, I conducted my adventures like any normal, industrious and creative twenty-something: UNDER THE RADAR!

  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thats what gets me. The fact that these kids cant do it without getting caught. I was so much better than Cory. I partied naked on the white house lawn during a NORML rally. Okay...almost naked. At 16. No one but me and a few friends knew. Well...me, the friends I went with and the half million other folks out there that weekend...lmao.
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL Step2, I didn't know you spent your wild days in Cleveland.

  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Actually, there's a really good reason why you and your friends didn't get caught. Its called "lack of technology".
    There were NO...
    - cell phones
    - digital cameras
    - text messages
    - cheap video cameras
    - internet-connected personal electronic devices...

    If someone took pictures of anything that racy, and tried to get the film developed, the photo shop just told you that your film or camera had a problem - nothing to print.

    So... unless you actually personally came to the attention of the police... chances were really high that you'd get away with stuff.

    Now? Everybody knows way too much about everybody else's business... and instant digital communication ensures that anybody who didn't know... will find out.
  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Well... We took random road trips... I ended up in Toledo, Akron, Cleveland, Chardon, Columbus, Cincinnati, Athens...
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    IC...I hate to burst your bubble but the Difficult Child police were all over the place watching us. It was just an "allowed" illegal rally. On the grounds of the Washington Monument to be exact. I said the White House before but it was the Monument. While it is true that there were less camera's and such out there, I traveled quite high profile. I flew in private planes for fun on weekends and my best friend's dad had a 30' boat we stayed on during the summer at VA Beach. We cruised the strip there looking for guys and brought them back to our little boat. We took that boat out alone into the bay. I drove alone at 16 up and down the east coast.
  19. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Janet - what ends privacy is NOT the police and other "enforcers"... its the ordinary person beside you. It has ended privacy for the police and others, too... Now, anyone and everyone is a recorder and a reporter and a poster...

    So.... I still stand my my position.

    Having said that, I will admit you were much more public and bold about stuff than I was...
    Plus... Cory is old enough that HIS getting caught was less to do with modern technology... maybe more to do with you not teaching him all the lessons you learned? <tee hee>
  20. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I'm on pins and needles waiting to hear what Enabler-dad (insert super hero music dat dah dah dahhhhhhhhh) really does.

    Dash - I'm sorry this kid takes you on more roller coaster rides than a cart tester at Cedar Point.