I really need help.

[Worn]

I am really worn out. My 4 year old has been having behavior issues since she was walking. It has only recently come to light that ODD might be the underlying cause of what we experience EVERY day with her. There has been no diagnosis, but ODD is the only thing that truly explains her. My husband and I have begun using "accountable kids" to help structure our days and it helps, a little. We have been using "1,2,3 Magic" for about 2 years and it helps, a little. We went on a multiple food elimination diet and it helped, a little. My point? The behavior has not changed but seems to have gotten worse as she grows older. After a very tough day today with tears and screaming, I am tired and feel desperate. She is a beautiful child, but after the really hard days, I cry for her because she seems so unhappy about everything, not in a depressed kind of way but because, in her mind, she never gets what she wants. For example, tonight we were coming home from the library. She cried and whined the ENTIRE drive home simply because we were going home. She wanted to go somewhere else. Then she asked for ice cream, I said no because she did not eat any dinner (more screams and cries). When we got home I asked her to try to finish her dinner (more screams and cries). I asked her to put on her pj's (more of the same). On and on....My baby is miserable and I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I don't want to even engage with her because it will turn into a tantrum and tears. Many times I lose my temper and then the guilt comes crashing in like a tidal wave. Can I really be such a bad mother? But my other kids seem normal. I can say no to them and it is no big deal. I used to homeschool, but seeing her increasing problems, I put the others in public school so that I can have more time for her. It is not better.
Please, does anyone have any comforting words for a mother who feels helpless?

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there and welcome. You're not a bad mother. You have a differently wired type of child. Her thinking is NOT like a "typical" kid.
ODD is a very broad diagnosis. and in my opinion and that of many professionals it's also not very helpful. Rather than ODD being the underlying diagnosis. it is usually ANOTHER diagnosis. that causes the ODD behavior. She should probably get evaluated. I have a few questions that could help us help you.

1/Are there any psychiatric or substance abuse on either side of the family tree?

2/How is her early development regarding speech, eye contact, engaging, interacting with same-age peers? Is she appropriate with toy play or does she line them up or dismantle them or even ignore them? Does she transition poorly? Get overly upset if anything is changed? Is she sensitive to sound, light, texture, certain foods, crowds? Can she make strong eye contact with strangers? Did she like to cuddle as a baby? Does she ever recite things by rote memory?

Others will come along.

 

[DaisyFace]

Hello and Welcome--

You are NOT a bad Mom--but so many of us here often feel like one at times. These kids are VERY challenging....and ODD is more of a description of their behaviors than an underlying cause. It sounds like you need to have more thorough testing done to see if you can get to the bottom of the problem...and only then will you have some idea how to better help her.

This is a very helpful group...you will find a lot of good advice here.

--DaisyF