I survived my first single holiday

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KFld, Nov 23, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I was anxious about how I would feel yesterday since this is my first holiday on my own, but it turned out really nice. Knowing my dad was spending his first holiday without my mom made for quite a few emotional spots in my day, but he was o.k. also. I called him a few times.

    I had the dog for the night on Thursday, so I ran to the house yesterday morning to bring her home, when I knew s2bx would not be there and I could tell by the food all over the kitchen that he was cooking for his NEW family.

    difficult child came to visit me with his girlfriend in the morning and they brought me a picture they had taken and framed of themselves and it was so nice. He said he called his father in the morning. He then had plans on going to her families house for dinner, but called me later in the day to tell me he dropped her off there and left because they treat him like dirt and he was such a huge ball of anxiety by the time they got there, that he couldn't walk in the door. He said she understaood and he was going to go back and get her later :frown:

    easy child came with me to dinner and we had a wonderful time. Her boyfriend came and get this, her father never called her once yesterday to wish her Happy Thanksgiving!! I asked her the day before if she was going to see him at and she said, well he hasn't called me and invited me to anything, so I guess not. Then she said he never called her yesterday and she wasn't going to call him because she obviously wasn't important enough. Then she added that he hasn't called her in about a week.

    I didn't tell her what he was doing, but she's a smart cookie and I know she assumed he was spending it with his new family and couldn't find the time to call her.

    Just wait until he makes the comment to me about how his daughter couldn't even call him on the holiday.

    So like him to make everyone else responsible for his relationships.

    He found the time to call his mother and his brothers. My sister in law in law told me yesterday he called in the morning and I said oh that's nice that he called you but he couldn't call his own daughter. She couldn't believe it!!

    Just another huge reminder of why I had so much to be Thankful for yesterday.

    I was thankful that somebody else besides me was spending the holiday with him :smile:
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I'm glad your day went well. I can imagine facing your first holiday out of a long term relationship would be difficult. That and losing your mom would make the day unsettling at least. Shame on your ex for making your daughter feel excluded. And shame on the family of your son's girlfriend. I hope they learn to treat him with all the pride and respect we on this board know he deserves.
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    It sounds like you and both kids survived a very difficult day. Holidays seem to bring out the best - and worst - in people. I'm glad all 3 of you were able to rise above and have a good day.

  4. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Glad you made it through. I hope easy child isn't too sad. He should be ashamed of himself. The girlfriend's family also- . -Alyssa
  5. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Good for you. Ya know all things in life change. It is hard when traditions change. You did a great job.
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Shame on easy child's girlfriend's family. My brother's very long time girlfriend's family is very much like that. He has not ONCE been invited to a family holiday dinner over there.

    Oh, no. They don't like him. They saw him drink a beer once.

    Good for easy child for enjoying her day regardless of her one track minded father.

    Glad you had a good time with your family.
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Good for you! You made it through the first holiday!
    :whew: That is over.

    Poor easy child! S2bx is really putting his foot in it. Burying himself.
  8. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    Well it's a good thing your kids have you for a mom. At least they have one parent who cares enough for two parents. Sheesh. S2bx is sure one stupid boy!
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    NOT new family - understudies.

    In his head it isn't people - I believe it's pieces. This is HIS comfort problem.

    Glad you had a nice holiday!
  10. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    Plus, he has to prove how wonderful he REALLY is to make all this look like your fault.

    It sounds like you had a nice holiday, Karen. :smile:

    I'm glad.

    It would have been pretty scary for me to think about how that first holiday would feel, too.

  11. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Glad you had a good day.

  12. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Do you believe he had the nerve to leave a voicemail on my cell phone yesterday asking me for my mothers recipe for turkey croquets. Yeah, like I'm going to give him that so he can make them for his new family. I don't think so!!!!

    lets see, 1 tsp. arsenic.
  13. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Karen, some of the things you say that this turd does, I can not believe! When he was born and they were passing out the tact chip where was he? He must have been wandering around looking to see if he could find a better family before he settled with the one he had. UGH. He is, as we say here in Boston "A PISSA"

  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm not worried too much about you or your daughter. Absolutely
    I don't give a darn about Ex. on the other hand, have you invited your son
    to meet you for lunch or a walk lately? You know so well that he
    has difficulty dealing with unhappy emotions and fears (as do all
    our addicts) and maybe not having his own home family to eat with
    this Thanksgiving caused him more anxiety than he expressed.

    Why not buy the kid a taco and do some one on one bonding without
    mentioning his slime ball biological sperm donor?????? DDD
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Do you believe he had the nerve to leave a voicemail on my cell phone yesterday asking me for my mothers recipe for turkey croquets. Yeah, like I'm going to give him that so he can make them for his new family. I don't think so!!!!

    lets see, 1 tsp. arsenic.

    <span style="color: #CC0000">OMG, LOL!!!!</span>

  16. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Actually DDD, I do things weekly with difficult child. It's starting to become a Sunday thing where they stop by after work on Sunday night and have dinner. We also talk every couple of days. When he told me last week that his father stopped by with his girlfriend in tow at their apartment, he didn't think much of her, but that it doesn't really make a difference because they don't do anything together anyway.

    s2bx's loss on both counts. His relationships are everybody elses responsibility but his own. My mother in law was blown out of the water when I told her he never even called his daughter on Thursday and then called and asked me for the recipe. She said all she ever does is read him the riot act everytime they talk, but he doesn't listen to anything she has to say and then she tells her that I'm o.k. with everything now because we are FRIENDS now!!! :rofl:
  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hey Karen, Congratulations on your first Thanksgiving...you have much to be thankful for this year, don't you?

    My exh felt that past the age of 8 or so, his dds' (my girls) were old enough to call him first rather than wait around for him to call. They only spoke by phone maybe 3-4 times a year. Then they were big into AIM, and finally, now they talk more via cell phone. I used to call him and remind him that their birthdays were coming up and to please call early AM. Eventually, I stopped doing that. Can you believe that when difficult child was staying with him last month, he had the nerve to tell ME that I needed to call her?! Mouth agape, I managed a little, "yeah, ok, don't you worry about it". Hmph

    I'm sorry that easy child's father is hurting her. It's a shame that he has breached the father/daughter relationship in such cruel and unfeeling ways. At least she will know what NOT to look for in a mate and she already knows who the steady rock is in her life (you).

    God bless you all -
  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Boy, you really never, ever know someone do you? I mean did you EVER think he was capable of these actions?

    Geesh. Really makes a single girl think.
  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    That's great Karen. You know I always worry about your difficult child since
    our boys started down the wrong path at the same time. When you
    said he bowed out of his girlfriend's Thanksgiving I thought perhaps he
    was overwhelmed. I am still wowed by how much progress he has made in such a short period and at such a young age. on the other hand, I
    well remember that holidays were difficult for my Dad straight up
    to the end of his life...some years he only attended one AA meeting and that would be during the holidays just to keep his
    head straight. He was "on the wagon" for over thirty years prior
    to his death, by the way. DDD
  20. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    You did good, Karen! You got through your first holiday, and it will get easier and easier as you go. One thing that helped me a lot was getting over the idea that "before" we had been some kind of picture perfect Norman Rockwell-type family sitting around the flickering fire with big grins on our faces - we were NEVER that! The holidays change anyway as your children grow to adulthood - they get jobs, they sometimes move away - nothing ever stays the same. Over the years I've learned to be very flexible about holidays and take them as they come. We've spent Thanksgivings and Christmases here with just my son and I, calling long-distance to everyone that matters - it's very nice and peaceful. We've spent holidays at my brothers house in Florida and at my daughters' house in S. Carolina. We've had Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners at midnight to accomodate "kids' who had to work on the holidays. I've spent Christmas day at Sea World and last Christmas Eve we were exploring the Battery in Charleston! It's all good.
    So much of what your soon-to-be-ex is doing sounds very familiar to me! Mine did the exact same thing about the phone calls and visits. When the ex still lived here, he would complain pitifully that our son never called HIM or never came to see HIM! Well, that road runs both ways, buddy! With him, it was a big EGO thing. Kind of hard to explain, but I always thought it made him feel like a big shot when he insisted that our son instigate the phone calls or visits, like he wanted our son to have to come to him, not the other way around ... like son was more anxious to see him then he was to see his son, if that makes any sense. He thought it gave him the upper hand in the relationship. As a result, our son NEVER calls him now (ex has moved out of state). His dad maybe calls him twice a year, sometimes on his birthday, sometimes at Christmas, sometimes not at all.

    But it speaks volumes that both my kids, now grown, think of "home" as where ever I am! It would never even occur to them to spend a holiday with their father, nor would they want to! He's now out of the loop. When they think of "family", they think of ME. HE voluntarily left the family - I did not. Even before the divorce, I was the one who made the holidays happen anyway - he did not. All those years he was no more than an observer. And now he has become just a voice on the other end of the phone a few times a year, while the kids and I are still a "family". We "reap what we sow" and he has no one to blame but himself. And I'll bet anything that this is what will happen with your family too! We're going down the same path, ten years apart!