Ideas for relaxing etc.


Well-Known Member
Hi Everyone,

So I am worried about difficult child again. He is in a program and ok as far as I know..... last week he asked me to pay for a haircut because he had a job interview on Saturday. OK great I did do that. Last weekend we also paid for a subway pass, according to him he got a one week pass from where he was staying and then he was on his own. Well he would need a pass to get around the city etc so we did that.

So now I havent heard from him even though I texted him and sent him two messages on FB. And that bus pass from last week was just a week so if that story was really true he would have needed another pass this week.

So I have a bad feeling again..... I see posts on FB so I know he has seen my messages. His posts feel a bit iffy and he sounds depressed although it is hard to tell. But his pointed lack of response is really the red flag to me..... he doesnt communicate when he is using or not doing well. It struck me this morning maybe the subway pass was a ruse to get something he could sell for cash (it would be only $20).

So I am worrying.... and I know that if things are going bad he will get caught and will end up in jail and that will be that.

I have done what I can do by letting him know I care. I know there is nothing else I can do but sit it out and wait. I am not going to keep sending him messages because he is making it clear he doesnt want to communicate right now and that is his choice.

I know I just need to take care of myself and be good to me..... but I have this kind of depressed feeling in my gut. (Feels kind of hormonal but I think it is due to this underlying worry I can do nothing about).

So my question for all of you, who know exactly what I am talking about, is what kinds of things do you do to relax, take your mind of this junk, distract yourself, make yourself feel better?

I do plan to go to our regular alanon meeting tomorrow night.


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I am really lousy at it. So my advice is likely pathetic -LOL

Things that work for me:

Movies -IN A MOVIE THEATER- must be funny or silly or romantic, cannot be even slightly sad or scary or too action-adventureish. Sad movies might (and have) open the floodgates and I do not need anything pulse-raising igniting or adding to the very panic I am trying to quash!

Books - getting lost in a book can help. See above caveats on genre LOL. Magazines don't cut it.

Scrabble on the ipad/iphone: I've played for hours and hours on end because it keeps my mind occupied.

Saying a rosary.


Tylenol PM. Probably not great advice and probably a cop out. That said, there have been many periods in this journey when I would wake up and fret, then worry, then start checking phone records, etc on my iphone in the dark. In fact, many of my most desperate posts here (including my first ones) were at 3:00 am. I'd end up exhausted which only made things worse. Then I would worry about the sleeplessness continuing! Just what I needed - another thing to fret about! On-half of 1 tylenol PM or even 1 whole tylenol PM when I was not sleeping allowed me to stop worrying about going to bed and allowed me to catch up on my rest.

Otherwise, I have nothing. I wish I was someone who could throw myself into work or exercise. I'd be a rich supermodel at this point.


Well-Known Member
Meditation. Twelve step meetings. Classical music. Exercise. A good COMEDY movie (nothing heavy). Walking the dogs. Talking to people I enjoy. Trying to keep my mind busy, not time to wallow.


one day at a time
Prayer (Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Help me. Help me. Help me.). Sitting quietly (hard at first, but it grows on you). Weeding. Flowers on the kitchen table. Walk/run/jog/yoga/weight lifting. Reading chick literature. Work. Scrubbing the kitchen floor. Mowing the yard. Going out for dinner with a good friend. A day trip. Taking a nap. Being outside (just sitting on the porch). Cooking something good. Writing in a journal---do a brain dump, just type as fast as you can the things are are cluttering your mind.

I think being busy---our physical bodies---can help our minds stop the obsessive thinking. In my job, I have to concentrate a lot. When I am too busy thinking about difficult child (and any other problems in my life), sometimes I have to step away from work and do something physical for a short while before I can go back to work. That seems to clear my mind.


Well-Known Member
Staff member
Meditation. Writing. Hiking. Acupuncture. Reflexology. Massage. Exercise. Yoga. Prayer. Going to the ocean. Out to dinner with a girlfriend. Talking to my husband. Reading. Supportive environments. Sleeping well, eating very well, taking care of MY needs first. A lot of laughing.


Well-Known Member
A pot of Earl Grey tea and a good book, in a quiet cafe. I find that driving somewhere to purposely relax, alone, is more effective for me than trying to relax at home. I find that making an effort and planning a 'relaxation expedition' works best for me. Time out, preferably somewhere near the coast, enjoying my own company (and Proust's currently).

Calamity Jane

Well-Known Member
For me, it goes in this order: Silence. A good cry, a good nap (uh-oh, sounds very infantile!), no phone, computer or TV, then a good, long shower. Lots of praying all through the cry and the shower. Then I can get on with other stuff to distract myself. If I try to do anything without my good cry, nap & prayers, it's useless. Feels like I'm just stuffing my feelings, and I never feel refreshed.