I don't care if I'm talking to myself. I need to rant . My daughter told me she'd like to have Thanksgiving at her house. It's a very small house, but it's her house and she's proud of it and she's a chef by profession and loves to cook. She wants to have Thanksgiving and Christmas for the first year in her own home. I said ok. We are having it on Friday at 1, rather than Thursday because she is cooking for her SO's family on Thursday (his mom works Friday). It would be hard to fit his family plus us in her small living room. You can't eat in her kitchen. Too small. Meanwhile, I get a sudden belated call from my daughter in law. She says that she's having Thanksgiving at Friday at 1 so that all of us can be together. She doesn't want my grandson George to go to my daughter's house because he clung to her the last time he was there and she is sure that it's because my daughter has a small house and he doesn't have room to run. He needs his toys. Plus he naps at 1:00 so it would be perfect at her house. My ex called me up to tell me that we are having it at my son's house. Every single holiday is a huge drama that makes me want to stay home, but I like to see my grown kids, especially my daughter. Anyhooo, the first plans I made were with my daughter at her house so I said we were going there. My two children who still live here and my hub would rather go there, small and all, because they make us feel at home and daughter in law never has. My daughter is very sensitive and I know she'd be heartbroken if I went to my daughter in law/son's house rather than hers. I just love being torn in half. We decided to stick to our original plan. We told son and daughter in law to just bring grandson over after he wakes up, but suddenly it's not about his nap, it's about the small house and how he clung to daughter in law the last time she was there. She said, "I couldn't even go to the bathroom!" It was true. He doesn't know us because he never sees us. I have sent pictures of us to show him etc., but she doesn't. We are new people to him. I think that's why he was clingy, not the house. Heck, he gets dragged to her family's houses all the time, but they are BIG houses, so it's different. Is my fatigue showing yet? And the reason she picked Friday and 1, which was a coincidence (it really was) was that she is spending all day seeing HER family. She sees them every day, and we come in four times a year, but when THEY tell her when Thanksgiving is going to happen, she goes and we get no time. This does happen EVERY holiday. Well, when it all shook out last night, and I'd spoken to my daughter multiple times, my daughter in law, my son who hung up after telling me "I'm not going to argue" (take my word on this, HE was the one arguing. I was being very careful to be low key) and my ex twice, everyone was upset with everyone else and I had stuck to my guns about going to my daughter's house. It would have broken her heart if I hadn't. I told son and daughter in law we could drop by later, but didn't really get an answer. I think my son mumbled, "Ok. Yeah." I'll need to qualify that later. I'm looking SO forward to Christmas so that the same garbage can go down. At any rate, it will be more pleasant at my daughter's. She is sweet and loving and a great cook. Her SO is quiet and doesn't make us feel uncomfortable...we all get along. I just feel bad that I have to choose between my kids, but that's the spot I get put in a lot. Part of it is that my daughter in law has to make sure she sees all her familys, and I sympathize, but I live in another state. I need to know where we are going before we come in. Does anyone else have this huge drama for holidays? I doubt it . I'd have Thanksgiving up here, but both of my kids have very good reasons why this would be hard to do so that's out. I really hope I did the right thing. I got a very sweet e-mail from my daughter saying "Thank you. I just want to have Thanksgiving and Christmas here the first year in my new house. After that, I don't care. I love you so much." On the other hand, I know my daughter in law is ticked.To be honest, my son can be a very cold person. He was quite a difficult child when younger and used to torture his little sister when I was at work (tickling her until she couldn't stand it, forcing her to watch porn movies, etc). He used to chop off the heads of her stuffed animals and laugh at her reaction. He was in counseling until he wouldn't go anymore. I thought he changed, and he has, but there is still sometimes a coldness about him. It makes me sad because if he weren't my son, I wouldn't chose him as a friend. And my daughter in law is a big puzzle. This morning, I am truly perplexed, but I think I did the right thing by not changing my plans. After my adopted son Scott took off on us, I really didn't want any conflict with my other children, but I don't think this is going to get better. I'm not blaming her...or him. The situation with them, who they are, who I am, who my daughter is...it's not clicking well. I think daughter in law meant well, but she never once called me to say, "I'd like to have Thanksgiving." By now plans are already made. And daughter in law won't call my daughter and my daughter wants as little to do with daughter in law as possible so she doesn't call her either. There is no communication with daughter in law, so me and my daughter made plans... Can I say BAH!!! HUMBUG????????? Actually, I think Thanksgiving will be nice and peaceful, but...I don't want another estranged child. Sometimes I wish I'd never had any kids. My two oldest boys have caused so much heartache. Thanks for reading. It was therapeutic.