Apart again. Friday, I struggled to get up and to work. And in fact, didn't go. difficult child 2's teacher called before I got out of the house (she calls every Friday), and it was the same ol', same ol', but I found myself curled in a ball when the call was over. I stayed home, spent the day with easy child 1, we took the dog to the vet (he was very sick). difficult child 2 went to the sitter for most of the day. I picked him up afterwards, took him home. VERY wild and agressive, tho playing by himself, mostly, so agression wasn't aimed at anything but his imagination. Was playing with a boppy bag, I left the room long enuf to put my glass in the dishwasher, and came back to him stabbing it, violently, in the back, with a tinker toy, while screaming vulgarities at it for being a bad person. Even tho I saw it, I asked him what happened. He lied 3 times before telling me he stabbed it. He couldn't sleep that night, tho he wanted to and tried. I stayed up with him til 1am or so, then drifted off. husband got up at 2 and he was asleep. difficult child 2 woke me at 5:15, with a hideously detailed story about how the cat got sick all over the living room, "bleeded" everywhere, he didn't know why (same line as boppy bag), but he cleaned it up and tossed the cat over the fence so I didn't have to worry about it. Tho trying not to, I panicked, afraid he had mutilated the cat in the night. He did not. But I was up. husband and I had a couple differences this weekend. nothing bad, just didn't see eye to eye, and I turned out to be right (2wd with a horse trailer and ice just ain't gonna cut it). So I was stuck with difficult child 2 in the truck for an hour until he got to us to get us out (had to get a foundered pony shod - another story, it was difficult child 2's pony, but he has an old horse now. I want to get rid of the pony, husband wants to keep it, but I'm the one that ends up taking care of it). Got home and difficult child 2 wanted to go to grandma's, and grandma wanted him, so I gladly took him and spent 5 hours to myself and loved it. While stuck yesterday, difficult child 2 talked about wanting to ride, so I planned to take him to the indoor arena today before his "wild" time to ride today. Got up this morning, husband was watching Cop and a Half. difficult child 2 was wild from the git-go. He was jumping everywhere, and reacting even more to the movie, watching for bad guys, etc. Yet husband didn't catch on, just tried all the conventional, and worthless, ways of making a kid stop jumping on all your furniture. I finally said enuf and called the arena and reserved a time. Again, I was stuck in the 2wd. Which takes that much longer to get things loaded. I got the trailer hooked up, came inside to get my heavier coat, and husband was making difficult child 2 pick up toys on his own, with violent verbal protest. I don't necessarily agree, but we're going along with him right now. But Mr IHBT, right now, wants us to avoid as many confrontations as possible. Picking up toys is always one, unless you get on the floor with difficult child 2 and help. And he'll pick right up if you're on the floor with him. But husband doesn't like to do that, so there he was, telling him "do it yourself" - confrontation... So I stayed in, took off all my outerwear (high of 17 today - so that's a lot), picked up toys that husband had mandated, then dressed difficult child 2 (who'd wet himself), put shoes and socks on (again, husband was stuck on "you can do it" - maybe he can, but won't without confrontation....), sweatshirt, coats, gloves - then he went out with me, which makes catching horses without ice 10 times more difficult, now I had to keep track of 8 horses, 2 cows, and one slipping difficult child, who couldn't listen or pay attention to his surroundings worth a hoot today. TWO HOURS later, we were ready to leave. Got to the arena, saddled up, difficult child 2 in the saddle, he freaked. Set up our beanie babies and buckets game, and ready to go, he forgot how to "drive" and he freaked. I tried to tell him, show him, he wouldn't listen, just sat there and sobbed. Then my horse kept trying to lay down while I was trying to deal with difficult child. I finally tied my horse loose, took his tack off, so if he did lay down, no big deal, and focused on difficult child again. He never did come out of it. about an hour later, I got on my horse and he and his horse followed me around a while. I rode maybe 15 minutes, then came home. difficult child 2 wet himself again, so I'm still not done putting things away. So far I've 5:40hours on this and counting, $20 to ride in the arena, and nothing to show for it. As soon as I left with difficult child 2, husband left, so I could have stayed here and been annoyed by difficult child 2 while doing laundry and dishes (which had been the plan for the day up until 4, when I had planned to take him riding), and accomplished the same amount. Nothing with difficult child. I stopped at the gas station to buy garbage bags on the way home. We are completely out. difficult child 2 wanted something, started hitting, screaming vulgarities at me, and spitting on me. There was no waiting, I bought the bags, put him in the truck, spit on him, and came hom. Now that's mature. I'd had enuf and that didn't even begin to cover how I felt, but I guess I'm not gone enuf to do any worse. I bawled all the way home. Now I'm just shaking, non-stop. I'm not cold, I'm just shaking. I so feel like I'm falling apart, and I don't know what to do. Grandma can't take difficult child 2, husband obviously is having an issue with something, not sure what, and I'm a flipping mess. I need help. I always thought I was a strong person, and now I'm nothing more than a burbling mass of goo, brought here by a 3ft3inch 50 pound monster.