Hi I am new to this site, but it looks like it might be my saving grace! I am a mum of 3 boys age 8, 4, 2 and another one (unplanned) on the way (also a boy) who is due in September. I swear the 8 year old has led me to have mental health problems and is on the verge of giving me a breakdown...I am about to crack. ( I am at my wits end (again) with my 8 year old son, he has always been a difficult and awquard child, from a baby infact, and no one seems to understand my problems with him! My parents have him a lot as I really struggle with him and he is fab 1-1, but because of this they don't see the extent of the problems I have with him, and I never get 1-1 with him and so we get the worsed out of each other. He is perfect at school, doing well in maths and science but does get picked up on being unable to focus and concentrate and is falling behind with reading and reading comprehension. Apart from that school cannot see my problem either. I have begged the GP for help since he was 4, have always thought he has ADHD and some type of autism or behavioural disorder, but get nowhere. He is also absolutely outstanding at all sport, is on all the school teams and wins pretty much everything to do with sport, always being picked out for his outstanding abilities. Because there is only a problem at home I tend to blame myself as our relationship is volatile to say the least and I am at the point now where I feel like a ticking time bomb... waiting to explode, and he is the same. It is awful and I cannot live like this any more :0( My other two children are suffering because I am always in a bad mood and snappy and can spend no time with them, and also because my oldest is generally vile to them, he is so oversensitive to everything, cannot leave them alone and is just constantly taking things off them , policing them, hurting them if they do something that annoys him, yelling at them, he seems to think it is his job to monitor their every move. I feel awful as I now believe I have a mental health problem (manic depression runs in the family), and also blame him for triggering it. I am fine when he is not around me, but as soon as he is near me I am on edge, full of anxiety and waiting for the next argument, time he hurts his brothers etc... etc... IT really wears me down, and I dread waking up in the morning to have to face another day of hell. I want to escape from it all, as I am totally out of control of him and also my emotions and reactions towards him. I am just glad I am not a violent person or I would have hurt him by now as he just pushes me and pushes me and pushes me until I break. At this point I usually shout and say things I don't mean and regret after (like you are vile and horrible) and then that spirals my mood even further down as I feel so awful for being such a horrible nasty person, and am sure I am damaging him when I loose my temper like this. My husband is good in that he accepts things as they are, and supports me in a lot of ways... he is mentally level, but very negative... which also drags me down as I try to be positive a lot of the time. He does all the physical stuff when I am having bad days such as washing, washing up, cleaning etc... and never moans, but there is no two way conversation as he just listens (which is good in one way) but never feeds back any ideas as to how to deal with the situation, he leaves it to me and just sayd 'it is how it is'. I am really terrified about the 4th baby being on the way, and am feeling quite negative about it as I cannot cope with the 3 children I have (well one of them) and cannot seem to control or cope with my emotions either. I had PND after baby no 2 really badly and completely rejected no 1 due to his behaviour. I was just getting better and ended up pregnant with no 3.. but stayed on medication until he was 6 months old. I have nothing now, and want to avoid it, but feel like I am seriously about to snap. Please help!!!