In response to Janet's post, questions

[hearthope]

I just read Janet's thread and I need questions answered.

Quick update ~ difficult child's testing went through the school,diagnosis-ed ADHD,therapy,IEP,medications that he responded backwards too. Residential psch hospital un-diagnosis'ed him and put him on mood stablizers. I had VERY many concerns and felt like I was the outsider looking in and no one else had a clue or cared what was happening.

I took easy child to be evaluated for ADD. Ph.D mostly talked down to her which put her on the defensive and made her shut down. Psychotherapist came in and in front of Ph.D asked the same questions. Only scratching the surface, they set up a personality test and an I.Q. test. We are to return tomorrow for the results.

My question, My easy child in my opinion was treated as a #. Just like difficult child was.
I spoke to one of my customers fri afternoon and in 30 min. she explained the dyanmics of what happened with difficult child and my new marriage. She also brought into play my easy child's age and what she is facing at this time in her life. She said she uses all forms of therapy before ever prescribing medications. She suggested I bring the test results to her and let her work with easy child.

I am embarrassed to say, I don't know exactly what she is so here
is her title ~

Her name,EdS, M.Ed, CDVC, LBSW
director of social services

What to do?

 

[oceans]

EdS- I think this is a specialist in school counseling.
medication- Masters in Education
CDVC- Certified domestic violence counselor
LBSW- Licensed Baccalaureate Social Worker

I think that with anyone, it is their experience level, and some are really good while others are not. It also is their style of working with individuals, and if it is a good fit.

I have found a great person for counseling only by word or mouth, and had many bad experiences with picking names off a benefits list.

I guess tomorrow you will have some testing results and see if they have recommendations. Your easy child will do best with someone she feels comfortable relating to. Sometimes you need to switch several times before you find a person who she feels comfortable working with.

 

[DammitJanet]

The EdS is a graduate degree designed especially for directors of education, educational superintendents, school principals, curriculum specialists, and religious educators. The EdS degree is recognized as an intermediate professional degree, between a master’s and a doctoral degree.

The others are as Oceans said.

Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of toads before you get the prince. I almost didnt go to my therapist because I have had horrible experiences before. Im glad I took the risk. My Therapist is XXX, MA, NCC, LCPC. In other words, Name, Masters Degree, National Certified Counselor, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor.

Her initials dont mean a ton to me...she treats me as an equal actually. We are the same age and get along great. I think that is so important. The good fit.

When you find someone that you feel comfortable with you know it.

 

[Hound dog]

I've got to agree with the toad statement. I know I ran into my fair share of awful professionals, level of education didn't seem to matter. Which is why I'm big on second opinions if you don't feel good about a diagnosis or treatment.

I have a question. If psychiatric hospital undiagnosed ADHD for difficult child and put him on mood stabilizer's, did they offer a new diagnosis or at least a reason for the medication?

 

[BusynMember]

Oh, we kissed so many toads I got warts , but I found, in the process, that there are things you can do to cut down on Toaditis. First of all, ask around. Don't ask your pediatrician (believe it or not, many pediatrician referrals are to people who need patients and count on referrals--so there's no guarantee that that's any good). If you want somebody who can diagnose neurological disorders calling your closest Austism Society's for a referral is a good start, even if you don't think your child has any form of autism--they know who is good at diagnosing neurological disorders (ADHD/learning disabilities/etc). That's what we did and got connected with a great neuropsychologist (I am very partial to NeuroPsychs because even the worst of them spend tons of time with a child--more than sometimes the BEST social worker, and social workers don't know which tests to run). Also ask parents who they have had good success with. Not who they think is a nice person--who has helped them. Check any place you can for positive feedback. Sometimes a six month waiting list for a good professional is worth the wait as opposed to somebody you can get in to see right away because he/she doesn't have enough of a practice yet. I agree that practice makes perfect and I'd go with experience too. Although I made the medication mistake with my son, I'd never put my kid on medications again without real belief that the professional has nailed the RIGHT disorder. I'd be prudent. We have had tons of wrong diagnosis. for my kid and even more wrong medications. Once he got the right diagnosis., he was put in the right treatment and taken off medications (he doesn't require any), and he's never done this well before. He was 11 before he was given the right diagnosis and got the right interventions. Good luck :smile:

 

[timer lady]

I'm past the point at looking at degrees - I look for experience in the particular disorders, plus the willingness & ability to listen to me; respect my opinions & observations.

All of these degrees have personalities & opinions attached to them; many are convinced that one diagnosis fits all while others are convinced various disorders do not exist for children.

Toads be damned (no offense intended, I've kissed my share of toads) - it's a long journey to find the "correct" diagnosis for our difficult children. And many many times things blur - you have a combination of diagnosis's or presenting symptoms.

While some of our little wonders, like MWMs, don't have a need for medications to function there are just as many or more that do. It's a matter of the highest level of functionality & what treatment milieu you have to follow to achieve this goal.

Good luck with the test results. Keep us updated.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hearthope, she's a social worker.

 

[BusynMember]

Oh, I never meant your child may not need medications! Linda's 100% right. Most kids here DO need medications. My son is just no longer a behavior problem, but I wouldn't hesitate to put him on medications, if the reasons were explained to me. I just wanted to explain that it's good to be prudent, to go to a professional with a good rep (there is no guarantee that even the best will get it right, but in my opinion it's better than going in cold) and that you can maybe avoid some toads by doing what I *didn't* do. I'd hate for others to make the same mistakes we did.

 

[DammitJanet]

MWM...again you are making the same assumption that a social worker doesnt know what tests need to be done and that simply isnt the truth in all cases.

I am not a huge fan of social workers but there are different types of them. Some work for CPS, some work in mental health, some work with nursing home patients, etc. You cannot lump them into a single mold.

 

[hearthope]

Okay~~ Again I am confused, she is just a social worker? and a social worker can not diagnosis, correct?

difficult child's journeys led me through so many counsel sessions with different people I can't even begin to count them or explain what title each one held. We worked with private therapist,school counsel,mental health (which involved many different individuals as well as teams)church,jail,hospital,group home,etc. Each person seemed to have a different approach and a different reason for his behavior.

What caught my attention was what the social worker said after only a brief explanation of the past yrs with my difficult child. She brought up the losses he suffered when I married 7 yrs ago. I always thought it was the cause of my son's behavior, but I was always patted on the hand by everyone and told I had to live my life and that it didn't cause my son's problems.

She asked if we had any counsel before marriage and I said yes through our church. She then told me what I already knew, that the church went by the bible and automatically puts the man as head of the house. We tried this from the beginning, trying to do the right thing, and it backfired and made my son act out.
in my opinion that was the beginning of the end for my son and she seemed to agree and tell me the right way to blend a family with a son 11 yrs old that thinks of himself as the little man of the house.

I am just scared to death to make the same mistakes with easy child that I made with difficult child. Looking back now, I would have never married until he was grown and I certainly would have spoken up more to all the counsel sessions and docs.

I think I was the fool that automatically believed anything the doctor\therapist said because I was just the uneducated mom that had the problem child

 

[hearthope]

DL ~ My difficult child was in the hospital a little over two wks, I never was able to speak to the doctor., only his therapist.

I was told he does not have ADHD,possible conduct disorder and put on seraquil. He said it made him feel like a zombie. He came home only a short while before being sent to grouphome, against my wishes the grouphome went by his records and continued the medications.

He was in my opinion drugged to help him behave. He basically wasted time at the grouphome where he was sent to get his GED. He ran away and the best thing that happened to him was being sent to jail. The jail did not put him on medications, he had a wonderful therapist and within a short time had completed his GED

Thus is the reason I am so hesitant to the testing of easy child.

 

[oceans]

I think that everyone needs to live their life, and changes happen all the time. Life would not be life without constant change. I don't think it is good to think that your marriage is what caused all the problems with your son. Lots of difficult child's don't adapt as well to changes, but that does not mean that you should give up your own life. You don't know what might have happened if you did not marry. He still might have had a very difficult time. The same things might have happened, or worse things might have happened.

I think that if your easy child goes to a SW, and in the therapy the SW feels there is a problem....she could refer easy child to a psychiatrist to confirm a diagnoses and manage medications.

I don't think the same thing will happen to easy child as difficult child, because easy child is easy child and not difficult child. It is a different set of circumstances. We can only try to learn as much as possible, and do the best we can with what we know.

 

[hearthope]

Oceans I have done the opposite, we are getting the test results tomorrow and I am considering using the social worker instead of the psychiatrists that did the testing.

I don't agree with the statement that I should live my own life.

When my son was 6 mths old I left his father and stayed in a woman's shelter. I later found out I was pregnant with easy child. I was a single parent with no help and every decision I made was for my kids.

My son and my husband did not get along, I went with the "live your life" advice and I honestly believe that it was the wrong thing to do at the time.

I don't blame all my son's problems on my marriage, but I do think that his gfgness started when I said "I do" and he started a cycle that once he started he didn't know how to stop.

We have all had many problems ajusting to marriage. My husband was 42 and this was his first marriage. It had always been just me and my two children, we all didn't really know what we were getting into when we married. It has been an interesting experience that I would not have chosen knowing the outcome I now know.

 

[BusynMember]

Janet, I would say social workers don't have the training to diagnose. I never saw one that ran any tests. Mostly they were the "let's make a decision on what to do next", pragmatic professionals, but not significant in diagnosing. I don't even think they are supposed to diagnose. At any rate, certainly one can see a social worker first, if she wants to. My own personal opinion is, go for the person with the most experience and education in childhood disorders. To me, it's best to start at the top and to try to find somebody that, in general, parents have had good luck with. It's hard enough to get the right diagnosis--in my opinion it's best to go with the person who will have the most knowledge and experience to try to figure out the right diagnosis, and, in my opinion only, social workers aren't the best bets in that arena. Even the most experienced and educated Psychiatrists and NeuroPsychs are prone to mistake with diagnosis.--in my opinion, it's best to better your odds. My personal preference (just MY personal preference) are NeuroPsychs because of all the hours of testing they do, which is beyond what most other professionals do.