Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MO2, Jan 28, 2010.

  1. MO2

    MO2 New Member

    I am new to the site and am loving all of the information you all share, I have found several beneficial tips already (day one!)

    My son "AND" we'll call him is just 5, it all started the night after he was born, he would not nurse, he would not sleep, he did not want to be held, he did not want to be left alone, I (we) spent that night crying my eyes out alone in the hospital thinking "what have I done?...this is not what it's supposed to be...babies are supposed to be snuggly and warm?" he was diagnosed with "colic" he spent the first 3 months of nights propped in a battery powered swing, swaddled, rocking his nights away, he slept soundly and consistently but at 6:00 in the morning he was up and he didn't stop being demanding until 10:00 at night. Family and friends laughed it off "this is what having a baby is about, this is normal", but I KNEW it wasn't. He spent the first 9 months with his grandparents (VERY fortunate to have that resource at the time!) then I decided it was time to give grandpa and grandma a break...and we started down the path of being kicked out of 4 daycares in the last 4 years, back and forth between daycares and grandparents. Being told over and over "we weren't providing enough structure...consistency...discipline in his life" (I'm going to have "structure, consistency and discipline tattood on my right hand ....right below a certain finger:) From 6:00 am to 10:00 PM my son is "on" there is no turning him off, there are no breaks, you're on your A game at all times or he leaves you in the dust. I'm in the dust ALOT. I'm losing my A game.
    My husband is a fabulous husband and father, we are a team through this. We are working closely with a Dr, who-bless her soul, believes WE ARE providing structure and consistency and proper discipline, we just need some tools to help.
    "AND" will go to kindergarten this fall, we are nervous and don't know what to expect and don't know where to go to get answers about how to integrate him into school and maximize his educational experience, I've been proactive and called the school to see what I should do to prepare him and all they say is "oh...we'll have an open house in the spring...we'll have refreshments!" "WTHeck? Like I care about refreshments?" Noone seems to want to address my concerns BEFORE they become issues, just wait until he gets there and "see how it turns out" Does anyone have any suggestions for starting those conversations and transitioning a child with a mood disorder into the public school system?
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi MO2, welcome to our forum!

    If your son has a history of being kicked out of daycare and is under a doctor's care for behavioral issues, then if you want to work with the school in advance, the best way would probably request a formal evaluation. To do this, you call the districts special services (or special education) department and make the request, then follow up with the request in writing because the written request sets legal timelines in motion. The district staff members will do the evaluation to see if he qualifies for services.

    Sometimes very difficult infants have sensory related issues. Is your son overly sensitive to sounds, lights, or is very picky about clothes or food?
  3. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    It is good that you are thinking about this before he starts kindergarten. It sounds like you have at least a tentative diagnosis. You should also request an evaluation by the school district to see if your son qualifies for an IEP. Now is the time to do that because it can take a few months and most school districts don't do evaluations over the summer. Your son might benefit from a 1:1 aide, occupational therapy, or other Special Education services.
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I LOVE this! I can so relate...

    You need to get back to the school and make it clear - you need more tan the usual group orientation meeting. They need to be prepared for what they are going to get and to have all the possible resources in place ahead of time. You are trying to give them a heads' up and they would be wise to take full advantage of it.

    Who suggested bipolar? Because it sounds to me that this boy has had problems from Day 1 (literally) and that doesn't seem to fit with bipolar as I understand it.

    But Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), now ... I can look back at difficult child 3's early days and see the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) signs there. He wasn't flapping his hands though. Instead, he was staring at the flicker of light through the leaves on the trees, it settled him down faster than anything else, except maybe the sound of bagpipes. Yes, bagpipes! We discovered he loved that sound when he was 6 weeks old and spent the day at a Highland Gathering with massed pipe bands. You can bet that I rapidly invested in a CD of bagpipe music and set it on the CD player on "repeat"! Unfortunately, the love of bagpipe music has not lasted sufficiently...

    Some resources for now - have a look at the sticky at the top of this page on "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It's a book that should help you a great deal. You can use it on your other son too, the methods work across the board.

    Keep us posted on how you get on.

  5. Loralyn

    Loralyn New Member

    Your son sounds just like mine, who started Kindergarten this year. Week one: loved it. Week two: poked a little girl in the privates while playing chase & the principal called, week three: huge fist fight on the playground & called male yard duty mean names...on and on.

    Advice given to us by a teacher friend was not to label him too early - so when I filled out the registration paperwork I wrote "leader, strong personality, confident, likes to be outdoors as much as possible, very physical, would do best with a very experienced and consistent teacher...etc."

    My son's teacher has been teaching for 20 years -- she is amazing. After seeing him fight, push, etc she recommended him for the school therapist, who works with him both in a group and alone twice a week. They work on playing nicely, how to be a friend, respecting adults, how to win and lose at a board game (my son gets very angry if he isn't winning) etc.

    So we let the school help us...and I never discussed my son't history except to say that "he has been this was since the day he was born." I will also say that the first parent teacher conference was painful, with the teacher saying how much medications help kids like my son and that he won't listen to the assistant teacher or any adult other than her. But it was good for us to get this feedback.

    He is now saying he doesn't want to go to school, doesn't have any friends, etc and we are moving toward medication for him.

    My son was kicked out of his preschools too - how mortifying is that!? I feel like we are blacklisted all over town over our five year old! Best of luck to you.