Irrational panic and worry

[slsh]

I'm beginning to wonder who is crazier - husband or me!!

Lots of changes in the slsh household coming up, and the tiny part of my brain that is still sane is just repeating over and over and over "breathe", but the rest of my body is in major fight or flight mode. Constantly.

difficult child is driving. Now, considering where we were 6 years ago, when I thought I would *never* put him behind a wheel... that's something. I trust his judgement completely (!!) but worry about experience, which... well, we all had to get experience driving and there's only one way to do that, but... gosh, do I worry. His life is really pretty centered over in IN, so he's rarely home, which sane me says is good, but.... I worry, LOL. He's going for a job interview today at a casino, which I think actually would be a perfect job for him (greeter - the kid is so amazingly social and charming, always has been, but the maturity he's got now is just amazing). He's also got (I think) a job at a restaurant too. It's taken a long time and some false starts but he's getting there. I'm so incredibly proud of him, but I also know that he's going to be leaving soon, which he should, it's time, but.... I will miss him horribly.

Wee is leaving on Friday for Spain. Woke up crying this morning. Then got mad at myself for being such a wuss. He'll be gone for 10 days, it's going to be a fabulous trip, but... I worry. He's decided to start college this summer, which also I think is very good for him, but holy cow - I'm going to have 2 of my kids moving out within weeks of each other. Wee is my truly easy child kid. I watched him come downstairs this morning - first thing he does every morning, and I mean the very first thing *every* morning, is he comes and hugs me. Today he got sidetracked by a cat who was demanding affection, and I looked at him cuddling the cat and thought- what an amazing young man he is. He's quiet and quirky and very very stoic, but he is such a loving kid. He *needs* to get out and see the world and go to school, but my heart just may break when he leaves.

And then there's Diva. Sigh. Never know which Diva I'm gonna get - the pleasant one, or the typical teen to the gazillionth power, who has a real gift for cutting me to my very core with her jabs and disdain. On a positive note, she's doing really well with rehab, and even better, she *asked* to go back to therapist. Miracle. And she's already counting down the days 'til she can get her license - first one of my kids to be chomping at the bit. But ... I worry about her too. She has such lousy self-esteem, even though she is my one kid who will absolutely rule the world. Smart, talented, resilient, beautiful, but she doesn't see any of it. I know a lot of it is typical teen and hopefully will get better in the next couple of years... but before I know it, she will be leaving us too.

I always thought I'd stop worrying when I saw my kids were okay adults... but it's not going to work out that way.

And I sit here alternating between tears and sheer panic and then being really ticked because I'm such a mess, LOL. Yep, I bet husband is *really* looking forward to our "golden" years.

 

[Marcie Mac]

I hear you Sue. Its hard to adjust to being difficult child-less. Danny only lives a couple of blocks away, and the only time I see him is on Thurs and Fri when I have to babysit his dog as the pool guy comes one day and the gardener another (or a weekend night when he is having a party) SO made me laugh the other day when there was a swat team on the street behind us, we were nosey, and neither one of us could remember what number on the scanner the local police department was on. There was a time in our life that sucker was pre programmed and was on constantly LOL Jamie still lives here but there can be a few days go by where we will see him only when we cross paths in the hallway.

Marcie

 

[busywend]

I stopped are re-read...."I will miss him horribly." And I could not help but tear up. THAT is the most amazing thing I have heard in a very long time. Did you EVER think you would type that one out? I didn't. It is so encouraging to know that he is on the upward path! Just warms my heart.

The other kids doing their typical growing up things.....your reaction is completely normal and expected. It is tough to watch them grow up....in every phase of their growth. Because we just know we never can get the last phase back. And it is sad.

So, I am going from thrilled for you for thank you's successes and to Awww....Slsh is missing her babies....But thank you is doing so great....to aww...Diva is excited to drive and Wee is going to Spain! Quite a roller coaster of emotions even for me.....so, my friend....completely expected that you would be a mess! HUGE HUGS for your mommy heart!

 

[TerryJ2]

Ohhhh that's so sad ... when they spread their wings and go ... and then we worry and worry. I hear you!
I'm learning to compartmentalize. My dad was really good at that. My mom was a mess, and then she'd make us a mess so we couldn't have any fun. I promised myself that I would not do that to my kids.
If you ask Wee to bring you back something specific from Spain, even a postcard from a city, maybe it will help you think in terms of direction and purpose instead of panic. Just a thought.
Many hugs.

 

[Hound dog]

To some degree..........you never stop worrying, at least a little bit. It just comes with the whole Mom thing.

Right now? You're adjusting to some big life changes. All good.....but still pretty huge. Your response to it? Normal. It will pass and get better as you get used to the changes. In the meantime take a few moments every now and again to pamper yourself a tad. You know, a reward for turning out kids to be proud of. LOL

 

[buddy]

Oh wow, lots of mixed blessings. You should be very proud though.

That is tough, hitting all at once like that. Hugs to you!

 

[cubsgirl]

You should be so proud! I'm fretting over my difficult child getting a job and moving on. difficult child 1 is already spreading her wings.

 

[DammitJanet]

Sue did you ever believe that you would see the day that difficult child would be where he is? Be thrilled. Im tickled pink that so many of "our class" have actually survived relatively intact. Wee going to Spain is an amazing trip but I can see how the fact that it falling so close to college is fast.

Oh, on thank you learning to drive where you live....dont worry to awful much. Jamie had barely any driving experience under his belt when he got his first car when he went to his first duty station at Quantico VA which Im sure you know is 40 miles from Difficult Child. Traffic is a nightmare there. He basically learned to drive in Difficult Child traffic! Talk about dropping a country hick into a snake pit. But he did fine. He has only had one accident and that was on a very snowy night when he really shouldnt have been out but he was trying to get to a motel to see his dad...lol. He slid into a cop who was stopped a red light! How ironic is that?