Is it just my difficult child?

[ML]

I think my son is an attention junkie. He pouts and sulks if I give praise or attention to anyone else. He has always done this. As I remember back to when he was 4-5 and we had a boy from pre-school come over for a playdate. difficult child wouldn't play with him. So I, feeling sorry for the kid, played with him and tried to engage difficult child. What winded up happening is difficult child got really mad at me telling me that I loved this boy more than him and why was I giving him more attention. He still does this to a lesser degree. He has had a few playdates here recently and has engaged fine and my intervention has not been required. But even if I say something nice to one of them like "nice picture" difficult child will sulk and say to me privately (why did you say her picture was nice, what about mine?).

One of the biggest mistakes I have made as a parent is to give difficult child all my attention 99 percent of the time. I suppose it's also part of onlyitis (only child). Sure, he's demanded it with his gfgness and all but it has drained me and I know I have done him no favors. I wonder if he had been trained to not have as much would he be less demanding of it now?

I was just wondering if anyone else has a difficult child that has similar behaviors?

MicheleL

 

[JJJ]

Kanga is like that and she is the oldest of 4! I think their anxiety screws up their thinking so much that they truly feel that any attention/love you give to anyone else comes directly out of a limited supply that they need.

I wish I had some advice but nothing has worked with Kanga. I'll be interested in seeing everyone else's replies.

 

[meowbunny]

Well, mine's 20 and was always like this. I attributed it to her being moved around so much when she was little. My adoption social worker warned me that she needed attention 24/7. She wasn't kidding! If I said anything nice to any other child at any other time, she became exceedingly insecure and jealous. As she's gotten older, it has improved but I still have to be very careful that I give her more attention than her friends.

 

[susiestar]

My oldest had very strong tendencies toward this. It was a major problem as he has 2 youngest sibs and we do/did a LOT with other families.

I will say that when adolescence kicked in he wanted attention, but also wanted MOM totally out of "his bizness".

I don't have any sage advice, other than maybe the therapist can help with this??

Susie

ps. DO NOT blame yourself for this. You did the best you could with what you had. That is ALL you can ask of yourself. Future changes are one thing, beating yourself up (as we moms of difficult children seem to do a lot of) just isn't OK. HUGS!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Tink is like that. When her baby brother was born (her dad & his g/f's son) she was mad with jealousy over the attention that the kid got. It goes way beyond that though.

We are watching TV. A commercial for the Miss America show comes on. Tink says, "those girls are pretty mom, but if I put on makeup, I will be more pretty. Right?"

Or we see Emeril or Giada makind some delicious dish. "But I can cook better, right mom?"

I could be looking either online or in a magazine at art. "Wow, this Van Gogh" or "this Kinkead is gorgeous!" "But I paint better, right mom?"

Tink got a Hannah Montana microphone and wig for Christmas. "Watch me sing mom," she says, standing in front of the TV so that I can't see the show. "This is a song I made up. 'You can't be as fabulous as me. I have cool clothes. You are not as fab as me. Because, because, because, I am Hanna Montana. You are not as beautiful as me. Nobody can dance like me. My best friend is Sharpei, and we are just fab...' Thank you, thank you."


How the heck do you respond to that? No wonder this kid has no friends.

 

[tammyjh]

My difficult child is like this as well and she's also one that is the oldest of 4. She's better now but as a result of inviting children over to play and not playing with them or treating them badly in her younger years, she has no friends now :frown:

She's recently began playing well with her 8 year old sister and I think its because my 8 yr. old is passing her by in maturity and is actually more like an older sister to difficult child now. Its hard for all of us to get used to because just a year ago, she hated easy child with a passion and had felt that way about her since the day she was born. As weird as it is, its a nice change.

Back to the attention issue, we carpool with our neighbors for the bus stop and when I pick the kids up, its always been a rule that as the neighbor girl is the oldest, she sits in the front. Recently difficult child has started getting real sulky about it because she doesn't want this girl in the front seat so she'll comment on how I like the other girl better...blah blah blah :rolleyes:

 

[flutterbee]

My difficult child is like that. I've always said that difficult child could have been an only child, me a stay at home mom that spent every second with her and it still wouldn't be enough.

 

[DDD]

Believe it or not, easy child's can be almost that bad. I have a grown
son who has always been terrific...BUT...I still have to watch
how much I praise some other family member. It's weird! In his
case I think it is because his biodad never nurtured him so I was
left to "over"nurture. He is a very successful adult who still wants his "Mom" to think that HE is the best. DDD

 

[ML]

I love this place! It helps a lot knowing that others here can relate.

Hugs!

MicheleL

 

[Star*]

OH DEAR - this dredges up some really ugggggly memories.

I was danged if I did - and Danged if I didn't. If I didn't pay him attention he did things to GET my attention. If he didn't do anything and I praised him for behaving well - he flipped out on me and then there was heck to pay.

I also found him to be:
Vindictive
Pot stir (if there was no chaos he'd create it) they like it there
Manipulative
Liar
Thief
Destroyer
Angry
Sulk
Depressed
Mean to animals (immitating bio dad) now does not do this.

Artistic, Funny, Helpful when it was on HIS terms only, and he had his moments of nice - enough to count in 17 years on 2 sets of hands.