Is there help out there for an 18 year old that doesn't want help?

[ksprincess]

I'm not on here too much, but I have a question for you "experts" out there. My son is 18.5 and is a pot smoker and drinker (although I don't think he's to the point of being an alcoholic). He is on diversion for 2 felonies which puts him in a really bad spot if his D.O. tests him. Anyway, he's been pawning our things for $$. He refuses to get a job. We've gotten him 4 jobs in the last 2 years and he's screwed up every one. He gets mad that no one will hire him because of his "record", but yet he continues smoking pot so that he can't pass a drug test either. Basically, he doesn't WANT to work. Never has. He say he doesn't care about anything. He doesn't care that we just caught him this morning with my husband's wedding band and my high school class ring in his wallet and texts on his phone with pictures of them and plans to pawn them. He just doesn't care. He doesn't care if he lives or dies, he doesn't care if we kick him out. We have done all we can for him and have given him until the 30th of September and he's out.

My question is this....are there any facilities that will take someone over 18 that doesn't want to be helped? We are financially deep in debt because of job losses and can't afford to send him anywhere. Any possessions we have that are/were worth anything, he's already sold. We hate to call the police because it has only caused us more heartache and money in the past.

What to do?

 

[toughlovin]

It is hard once they turn 18 because then it really is up to them. I don't think any place can hold him against his will unless there is a court order for involuntary commitment. How you go about doing that probably depends on your state. The standard for involuntary commitment to a mental hospital is being a danger to yourself and others. From what you have said I doubt your son would meet that standard. To involuntary commit someone to drug rehab I think is similar that the drug use has to be bad enough that he is a danger to himself or others.

So i think you are kind of stuck. This is where the court system and calling the police can help because to some extent it puts in their hands.... but i know that is really hard to do.

If he is facing two felony charges then my suggestion would be to call his PO and tell him what is going on. Hopefully they could talk to your son and scare him into action. Doesn't sound you son is going to turn around because you ask him too.

I would stick to the Sept 30th date and then kick him out of the house. That may wake him up.

My son sounds very very similar to your son.... we kicked him out in June and he spent 2 months out of the house. He finally started to take steps to improve his situation, finished the school work for his HS diploma, came home and after being home a week got a job. I can't say things are all rosy because they are not but they are better than they were.

Now I am having to work on not being responsible for getting him up and going for work.....it is so much harder not to enable them when they are living in your house!!!

 

[Bean]

Hmm. Well. I just kicked my daughter out when I found her hand dipping in my cookie jar. I love her, but I'm not going to have someone living with me who is stealing from me. It was NOT easy - and there were other factors leading up to it.

Does your son have a PO? If so, I'd call his PO and tell him that you're kicking your son out and he needs to find a place for him to live. I wish I would have done that with my daughter when she was on paper.

 

[DammitJanet]

If your son is stealing from you and he is on probation, and if you have at least a semi- working relationship with his PO, then I would call his PO and tell them that you have caught son doing this stealing and are going to kick him out of the house. I am assuming that part of his probation is having a valid, stable residence that the PO can locate your son at. I know it is with my sons probation. When my son stole something from us after he was on probation, I went to his PO and threw a fit. His PO went ape on my son. Actually, things could have taken a really bad turn but other events happened and things evened out.

If your sons PO can knock some sense into your son or find another way of helping him to move outward and onward, that would probably be the best. Otherwise, I think it is going to take you charging your son for pawning your items. That simply cannot continue to be an option for him. I know how hard it is to turn them in. Trust me.