I don't want to put a block on it as I do not want to be the cause of his demise.
This is the whole enchilada. As their mothers we have tried to be and to them have been the force in their lives that guides and protects. The source. The strength. The fallback.
And still, even though they're rampaging and careening through the streets we feel responsible. We consciously know we aren't. But we feel we are an existential "cause" in their lives. Even when we know logically that they are causing all sorts of havoc we assume some kind of causal force in their lives.
The members here who go to Al Anon, learn that this is not the case, and they learn to free themselves. I have gone a couple of times to Al Anon, but don't want to give this up, this causal connection. I don't know why I don't want to let go. I need the umbilical cord as much as does my son.
you so obviously love that son of yours and have tried very hard to help him and be supportive of him.
Thank you Beta. This brought tears to my eyes. I love him.
Beebz
your son is probably holding it together far better than you think.
What skittles says I know is true. Most of you know I worked in prison over a 25 year period. I know how well most guys adjust. Many of them like it!
so if you stick to your guns, you May be saving him from a far worse offence in the future.
I agree with this too.
it was a wonderful chance for me to learn how to be me instead of just his mother.
Guys in for a long enough stretch had gratitude for the opportunity for recovery, many of them, to settle into themselves, and as skittle says, to "learn how to be me" instead of the drug, driven by the drug.
My son called later last night. He was fine; his venomous words to me in the rear view mirror. He had arrived where he was going. He knows people in the area where he stays. While we spoke, he bumped into an acquaintance. He had already settled into the routine. He spoke of a couple of constructive things he could do. He is confronting his life.
I want to say this to beebz. I am Jewish from the Pale too. A cornerstone of our faith is confronting our real lives, engaging them.
I know, I know, you have withdrawn. But you are vitally engaged with every single family member and with yourself, with every single breath you take.
When we engage with our prodigal children as if they are infants, dependent upon us for their every sustenance and strength, we deprive them of their G-d given right to fight for life and to fight for the light in their lives; to fight for their liberation.
What do you call it when the boxers go to the corner to get their face washed and drink and spit? And they seem to tremble and shake to compose themselves? I don't know. That's what it looks like. That's what prison is for those that don't get a long, long sentence.
To me when the boxers go to the corner, they don't just rest and get nutrition. They recompose themselves. They renew themselves. They find force and focus to see things in a different way. In the form of the next round they get another chance to do it differently.
After working in prisons so many years I do not see them as tragic or sad. I see the lives that lead to prison in that light. Prison I see as potential. (Which is not to say I like prisons or imprisonment, what happens there or the social forces that lead to prisons.)
There is a lot of real, raw truth on this thread. A lot of real, raw heart. A lot of real, raw strength and courage. I want to thank you all very much for so much.
