Just need to vent

[mum2JK&TH]

It's been awhile since I have posted mainly because things with difficult child have been fairly stable. The usual difficult child things but nothing beyond that. But it's been building, inside him and because of that inside me. Today I am feeling defeated, frustrated and just plain disappointed that I let it all get to me.

difficult child is difficult to get going in the morning. To busy when I wake him up with whatever in his room to just simply get dressed and come downstairs. It usually takes at least 20 mins to get him downstairs. Then it's the constant re-directing to get him to make his breakfast and pack his snacks for lunch. He is always in my face, not violent but you know edging on disrespectful, but he really doesn't see it this way, he's just playing around. In the end, I am stressed about bugging him constantly and he is mad because I am bugging him. He is forever saying "Mom, just leave me be, I can get it all done, stop stressing!" Stupid, stupid me, today I said fine, I will say nothing. Well that ended with him flying around, freaking out because he had nothing done and the bus was due in 5 mins. He ended up hurting himself when he ran around the corner to the bathroom, HUGE DRAMA!

Comes home from school all upset because he doesn't understand his homework and has to redo it. It's fractions and quite honestly something that I was never good at. Did I mention husband left on a business trip this morning??!! I run a daycare so I say to him, I can either help you outside (I have to take the daycare kids outside, it's expected by the parents) or we can do it after dinner. He doesn't want either, so I say fine, I have given you two choices, you are being difficult so I can't help you. He finally after raising a fuss comes outside. I try and help him (I think I ended up confusing him more), easy child comes and helps him and all of a sudden "LIGHTBULB MOMENT!" he figures it out!

Open house at the school tonight, he couldn't stop, constantly into everything or wanting to go somewhere else. Teacher says "oh yeah he was having trouble but figured it out today, grrrr, did he? Had a few errands to run and that was a wonderful 1/2 hr, he was great.

We come to bedtime...Suddenly his lips hurts, he needs to do something...Time is going by and I am getting angrier and angrier. He then flips out because the cats have broken part of a puzzle that he was working on, won't go to bed.

I lose it...start yelling...he starts yelling...doesn't want a kiss goodnight...yelled something but I didn't hear it and at that point didn't want to.

It's now past my bedtime and I am so upset with myself. I hate him falling asleep upset and knowing that I am mad at him. I hate the way I probably made him feel. I hate the fact that some of these issues with him are constant, every day, never a break from it. It just festers in me until I reach my limit and then this happens. I don't yell often but darn it especially when daddy's not here he pushes every limit and every button. I worry that I didn't hear what he said and that he'll try to run away or do something stupid.

At this point...I hate these disorders and the way they control ours lives some days. Sorry for dumping this out but I really need to vent, I'm so frustrated and mad with myself.

 

[AK0603]

Oh Christine (((hugs))) we all have these misrable days. Just remember with the dawn comes a new day and a new start.

 

[Marguerite]

It happens to all of us.

You did the right thing in giving him choices re your help with fractions. I wouldn't tell him he's being difficult, just that he has two options and it's his choice. Repeat yourself.

The other problem I see, and I'm not sure what you can do about it - you're taking what he says and does too personally. Don't. Let it wash past you. You did a good thing in not nagging him; we have to do that sometimes.

An alternative suggestion - write out a morning schedule for him, giving a list of what he has to do and what time it should be done by. Maybe negotiate with him about how long he thinks certain tasks will take him - give way to him on this because if HE is wrong, HE will be the one to be late. Make it clear when you give way, though, that this is HIS choice of time allowed, not yours. And if it turns out that he CAN do it and you were wrong - be prepared to say so, and congratulate him on getting it right. it won't always be that way, so let him enjoy the moment.

With the schedule - we have ours on a blackboard. difficult child 3 ticks off what he's done and we rub off the ticks for next time.

It really works. Instead of nagging, just a reminder of "How is your morning schedule going?"

Kids like ours do much better with a written list. They don't have to hold al the info in their heads. All they have to remember is one thing - check the schedule.

The fact that he ended up rushing to be ready shows that he IS motivated. THAT isn't the problem. So nagging isn't really needed, you just need him to remember to stay on task and if he uses a schedule he's doing it by himself- the ultimate goal.

Marg

 

[Wiped Out]

Christine,
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing a great job. Hugs.

 

[timer lady]

Christine - have had mornings/days like yours. I hope this morning is going better for difficult child & in turn you.

by the way, I like the idea of having a morning schedule/check list. It really helps.

When kt is in the shower I use a timer so she knows that it's time to get out. We set up the "perfect" outfit the night before, any all notes, backpacks, etc at the front door ready to grab on the way out.

Does difficult child have any allergies that might be getting to him? It's a nasty season here & kt is crabbier by the minute along with her sneezing & itchy nose.

Hope today is better for you.

 

[nlg319]

Your difficult child sounds just like my son. The mornings were awful! I completely agree with Marguerite about the checklist. I did the same thing...I printed copies of the list, since it was the same every day. I suggest keeping it simple. My difficult child#2's went like this:

Shower
Get dressed
medications
Breakfast
Pack backpack
Shoes

This worked for us. We used a list like this for almost 3 years. He is 12 yrs. old now and does the morning routine on his own. The only problem he has is getting out of bed. He has become more social at school this year, so that seems to motivate him.

Good Luck! Believe me I can relate to all the feelings you have shared!

 

[Alisonlg]

::::::

I just want to add that I am impressed that you can pull off running a day care and having a difficult child! I can't imagine being responsible for other people's children with my difficult child 1 in my house! You're a saint! :smile:

 

[mum2JK&TH]

Alison - would I get extra cookie points if I told you that two of my daycare children are also difficult child's? LOL! Sometimes it helps keep difficult child busy because there are always other kids here to play with.

difficult child woke up this morning and apologized right away as did I. He said he wasn't going to let anything distract him, he was just going to get his stuff done....that lasted less than two minutes. I have to admit, at least he tries. Of course we had the meltdown and the regressing to acting like a two yr old but in the end he pulled it together and made it out on time with a hug and a kiss goodbye. SHEESH!

...wonder what after school will bring...

 

[busywend]

Vent away. Too many days like these is probably what brought most of us here.

Do something for youself as soon as husband gets back!

 

[Sunlight]

I hate him falling asleep upset and knowing that I am mad at him. I hate the way I probably made him feel. I hate the fact that some of these issues with him are constant, every day, never a break from it. At this point...I hate these disorders and the way they control ours lives some days. Sorry for dumping this out but I really need to vent, I'm so frustrated and mad with myself.

I so hear you. we cannot help but be sad and rethink and look back hoping we could have handled it to a better end. truth is we are human, we have limits. sometimes I think they need to go to bed feeling our limits too. otherwise we would be worn out wanna be supermoms. let it go. forgive yourself. today is a new one.