Hello, short time lurker, first time poster. I have a 17yo son. I don't want to go into a long history but he was diagnosed with ADHD a long time ago, and used to take medications but is off them now, though still occasionally takes Vyvanse when he wants to because he knows it helps him focus. He's bright but not a good student. Learns well orally (think Michael Oher from the book/movie The Blind Side). As we continue our lifelong learning, we're almost certain now that what he "has" is FASD (he's adopted).
My question first, then the explanation. Does anyone have experience with PINS? What can you tell me about it? How did the child react? Was it a good decision? Bad? Different? (PINS = Person in need of supervision).
Here are the problems:
He's always hated school, but now he skips often (he's a senior, if he fails one class this year he will not have enough credits to graduate). He's late pretty much daily. He'll ask to leave class for a bathroom break, then never return. I mean, he really HATES school. It's "boring, stupid, pointless, boring, dumb and there's no reason for him to go." (say that really angrily)
He's a good athlete who has received a partial scholarship to a private junior college. And doesn't seem to give a damn about what he needs to do to get there. He "can't" get out of bed in the morning. He will fight me if I physically try to coax him to do anything, and I'm not doing that. Yeah, he's a bit oppositional defiant. But he'll always say he "can't" do something, not "won't". Well, he does say he won't go to therapy any more because "they all say the same thing and it's boring, pointless, complete waste of time, etc."
He won't even look for a part-time job because he "knows he'll be bored and quit or just not show up after a couple days."
He smokes weed regularly, probably daily. He does get an allowance tied to a very simple chore. We don't have many relatives close by so he doesn't usually have much money, but I think he mooches from his friends as much as possible (he's very handsome, outgoing and popular). But he's also stolen money from his mother and I, and his sister. But we all know to keep cash hidden away now, so that's not a problem.
However, he does not respect personal space or belongings. He will go into our room or his sister's room and take a phone charger, or backpack, or hoodie, or whatever he needs right at that moment. And he'll leave them somewhere or lose them.
He'll argue with us and tell us off if we try to discuss... just about anything with him. If we were to ground him, he'd just leave the house. That said, he's almost always home by his curfew. This wasn't always the case, but is now.
He's a generally disobedient, dope-smoking truant with a warped sense of entitlement.
I'm know from reading that others have it much worse. Thank you for reading this far, I'll finally get to the point. We are in a pre-PINS program (he's refused to cooperate). The next step would be to basically go into PINS, where the county would become responsible for making him go to school or otherwise be where he's supposed to be. My wife and I disagree about this. I don't want to start that process, because it scares me, for one thing. My son is black, we are white. I believe his behavior is not normal or age-appropriate, but I'm not sure "taking action" will bring better results than "coping" and just keeping the lines of communication open.
If my wife wrote this, she would have painted a much darker picture. The truth is probably in between. I'm really not looking for if anyone thinks we should or shouldn't proceed, more what will it look like if we do? Thank you.
My question first, then the explanation. Does anyone have experience with PINS? What can you tell me about it? How did the child react? Was it a good decision? Bad? Different? (PINS = Person in need of supervision).
Here are the problems:
He's always hated school, but now he skips often (he's a senior, if he fails one class this year he will not have enough credits to graduate). He's late pretty much daily. He'll ask to leave class for a bathroom break, then never return. I mean, he really HATES school. It's "boring, stupid, pointless, boring, dumb and there's no reason for him to go." (say that really angrily)
He's a good athlete who has received a partial scholarship to a private junior college. And doesn't seem to give a damn about what he needs to do to get there. He "can't" get out of bed in the morning. He will fight me if I physically try to coax him to do anything, and I'm not doing that. Yeah, he's a bit oppositional defiant. But he'll always say he "can't" do something, not "won't". Well, he does say he won't go to therapy any more because "they all say the same thing and it's boring, pointless, complete waste of time, etc."
He won't even look for a part-time job because he "knows he'll be bored and quit or just not show up after a couple days."
He smokes weed regularly, probably daily. He does get an allowance tied to a very simple chore. We don't have many relatives close by so he doesn't usually have much money, but I think he mooches from his friends as much as possible (he's very handsome, outgoing and popular). But he's also stolen money from his mother and I, and his sister. But we all know to keep cash hidden away now, so that's not a problem.
However, he does not respect personal space or belongings. He will go into our room or his sister's room and take a phone charger, or backpack, or hoodie, or whatever he needs right at that moment. And he'll leave them somewhere or lose them.
He'll argue with us and tell us off if we try to discuss... just about anything with him. If we were to ground him, he'd just leave the house. That said, he's almost always home by his curfew. This wasn't always the case, but is now.
He's a generally disobedient, dope-smoking truant with a warped sense of entitlement.
I'm know from reading that others have it much worse. Thank you for reading this far, I'll finally get to the point. We are in a pre-PINS program (he's refused to cooperate). The next step would be to basically go into PINS, where the county would become responsible for making him go to school or otherwise be where he's supposed to be. My wife and I disagree about this. I don't want to start that process, because it scares me, for one thing. My son is black, we are white. I believe his behavior is not normal or age-appropriate, but I'm not sure "taking action" will bring better results than "coping" and just keeping the lines of communication open.
If my wife wrote this, she would have painted a much darker picture. The truth is probably in between. I'm really not looking for if anyone thinks we should or shouldn't proceed, more what will it look like if we do? Thank you.
