Lost and confused!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Going-S0-Crazy, Jul 26, 2009.

  1. Going-S0-Crazy

    Going-S0-Crazy New Member

    I do not know were to start, but right now its 9:07pm on a Sunday evening and I am about ready to lose my mind. I am a single mom of three wonderful children ages 15, 10 and 8. though my 8 year old has ADD and ODD as well as a learning disability. I am at my wits end with her. Right now I am in the same room with her listening to her yell, scream and carry on like a one year old, because she does not want to go to bed. We have been doing this for over an hour now. :mad:
    There are times were I just want to give up.. walk away and never return again. I feel horriable feeling this way But I can not help it. I Live with my parents who I am sorry to say have there own ways of looking at the situation, they have there own ways of trying to discipline them and I do not agree with it all the time. She goes to conceling once a week, and they are also going to start her on a behavoial program, BUT still. I do not know what to do anymore. She just seams to do her best to win every single battle, to push my buttons and push them over and over again till she gets her way. She just does not stop!!!
    The punishments do not work, I just starting doing the time out, and my parents they want her to do something like like a sentence 100 times each in order for her to think about what she is writing. Like " I will not talk back" I am not sure if this is something that is a good thing or a bad, because to me it just seams like it does not get any were.
    One minute she could be talking nicly after screaming and yelling and the second I say something to her that she does not want to hear, she will scream at me again like she was an animal or something.
    I do not get it.. My little girl is getting worse and worse and I am ready to run! I need help and I need help fast!!!!! :sad-very:
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My first thought is that she probably has something other than ADHD, which is why it's getting worse. Has she ever been evaluated by a neuropsychologist? That's a long, intensive testing process for all disorders. ADHD is often the first, but often NOT the last diagnosis. our kids get and ODD, many of us feel, is unhelpful as a diagnosis. and caused by something bigger. I have a few questions that can help us help you better. by the way, our differently wired kids don't tend to respond to normal typical behavioral methods. I would do the neuropsychologist and skip the counselor for now. She obviously doesn't know how to help and in my opinion doesn't know what's really wrong.

    1/Any psychiatric problems on either side of her family tree? Any substance abuse? Is your daughter on medications? Do they work?

    2/How was her early development--speech, eye contact, cuddling, ability to mimic people, ease when transitioning from one activity to another, did she have any strange quirks? Did she play well and appropriately with toys?

    Is she able to socialize now with her same age peers in an appropriate way? Does she understand social norms and rules? Any sensitivities to sound, touch, certain foods...?

    Welcome to our board but sorry you had to come here.
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome. I agree with the need to make sure you're dealing with the correct diagnosis.

    Beyond that, you might want to pick up a copy of The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It has helped many of us on this board parent our extra-challenging children.

    I might also suggest that you take the battle out of bedtime. After a calming routine (bath or shower, read together, etc), you might say to your daughter that she doesn't need to go to sleep, but she does need to stay in her room at an agreed-upon time. She may have the light on, play quietly or read to herself, but she does need to stay in her room (you should set these limits at a quiet time during the day well before bedtime). When we practiced this routine with our children, we often found them asleep with the light on and a pile of books on their bed alongside them.

    Good luck. Please post with further questions.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi and Welcome! First, (HUGS) for being a single mom of 3 kids and more (HUGS) for hanging in there with special issues and circumstances. I agree with the advice of the previous posters but also think it would be a good idea for you to discuss the issue about your parents trying to discipline your children differently with the therapist. I think it might help if you can go to your parents and say "the therapist said we need to ALL try this particular method first". It might even be necessary to take your parents in to let the therapist talk to them about it but if they can't get on board with the plan it seems that it would make things worse for the children and be a constant headache for you.
  5. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Hi, GSC, and welcome.

    I agree with what the others said. Your parents are probably trying to discipline the way they were disciplined. But because our difficult children are not wired the same way as other kids, they don't respond to rewards and punishments the same way as other kids. They just get more frustrated and angry. It really will help if you and your parents can be on the same page. Otherwise the conflict you have with them will just add to the tension. Is your daughter on any medications? Symptoms and diagnoses tend to evolve over time, so you'll need to keep re-evaluating and adjusting. This is a journey, but at least you have good traveling companions here.

  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding in my welcome. You are so not alone. The others have given good ideas. When my difficult child was 8 he rarely slept, bedtime was awful. We had a calming routine and everything would be fine until we would leave the room. He just couldn't sleep no matter what. With my difficult child we ended up needing to use medications to help him sleep but only after we tried everything else. Hugs to you.