His thinking is still so distracted and negative. He has called a few times since before we went on vacation regarding his difficulties with his room mate. He wants to talk to me to get advice about how to talk to his room mate about specific topics. The difficulty is that the topics aren't relevant or helpful to him. It's becoming more clear to me how it is that he and Z got into the disagreement. M has muscular dystrophy like I do. There are many physical things that we just don't do well. We also tend to have limp faces, and look a bit sad. So, when we're angry or sad, it is magnified tenfold. One of the things that first got M interested in Z was that Z encouraged M to swim and go to the gym and try to stay fit. Z is an athletic type. M told me that he is upset with Z because Z talks about how much he enjoys working out and exercising, and M says it makes him feel inferior. He expects Z to not discuss it, and is angry that Z does so. Of course, being young men it came to one of them being more physically able and the other being more angry. In my mind, M has no business dictating what Z can enjoy or whether Z can share that. M has things he is good at that Z can't do. It's what makes us all special. He wants me to tell him how to get Z to stop talking about the gym and soccer and games and stuff. I explained my thoughts, but don't know if it makes sense to him. I told him he needs to see a positive outcome and think about how he can make that happen. "I just can't think that way. I don't see things like that at all." This much I know... M has a tax refund coming. He moved and put a change of address in. He hasn't received the check which was processed on 3/17 yet. The IRS tells him that he needs to wait until 4/14 to ask them to research it. He wants to know what he should do to get Z to give him the check. To me there's every reason to think that the check has not been sent or forwarded yet, and he should not say anything to Z. He doesn't necessarily need the check until rent is due, so why pick a fight? M wants to know how he should start a conversation with Z. He's really invested in getting Z to discuss how things went wrong and mutual apologies. I think it's important that he have a place to stay in. After all, M was ready to move out the same day they moved in together. I told him to start with "Hi" or "How are you doing?" He says he can't do that because Z's girlfriend doesn't like him. Apparently Z has been staying most of his time with the girlfriend anyway, so he could actually hope that Z will move out, to my mind. M wants to know what he should do if Z apologizes and wants to be friends again. I told him to accept the apology and leave it at that. He doesn't have to be friends, but he doesn't have to tell Z that he doesn't want to be friends. M really wants to tell Z that they can't be friends again. I told him that he wasn't going to get anything good out of that. He can say "I miss our friendship" without saying "we're going to be great friends again." He wants to know how he can tell Z that he is going to move out if Z gets angry or yells at him. If M doesn't antagonize him, maybe he won't get angry. For that matter, M should do whatever it takes to keep Z from getting angry, because he doesn't have anyplace else to go. Everything he says is predicated on anger and acting out or running away. He's asking for my advice because he knows that what I will say will come out logically and without anger, but he wants to hold onto the anger. It pains me to know how confused his thinking is and how muddled in anger and sadness it is. I would really like to see him seeing a therapist, and more so I would like to see him back on medications. The very little time that he was on anti-depressants was the only time that I really remember him thinking positively and clearly. husband was that way before he got on medications, and I have asked him to talk to M about seeing the school therapist and asking for a referral. So far, though, husband has chosen to not do this. I can see that I probably need to force the issue and have them set a lunch date to discuss it. I know that M feels that my need for medication is a weakness, and everyone assumes that husband is just easy going. In reality husband when off of his medications is nearly incapacitated by a desire to withdraw from everything around him. It's a very pleasing personality until you need them to invest in the relationship and they just want to run away... So, I've been a bit pensive lately. I know that this is not my problem, and it's difficult when he is asking me for advice all of the time. His brain is just not wired to think in terms of making things work. It's stressful and draining.