I posted more about this on my "court is over" thread in General but now I am pulling it out to ask opinions over here. This is what I emailed my mother 1-2 days ago: difficult child got recommitted to the state juvenile justice system- that is incarceration, not social services taking him away from home. He will be there longer this time than last time so that basicly blows his teenage years and a lot of possibility for getting things turned around. No matter who you want to blame for it, it would take some intensive therapy and rehabilitation to get him on the right track now and incarceration doesn't provide that. Social services does but due to the previous actions of you and Bro, I can't get difficult child help or transitional services thru them. I hope you remember that the next time you are "in a panic because you love him so much". This is what she emailed me back today: Hi klmno, glad you responded to my last e-mail and I's so very sorry to hear about difficult child. I hope and pray he will get his life turned around for the better. As far as who is to blame for all this happening to difficult child and you not being able to get him the help he needed, I don't think any one person is the cause of difficult child's problems because it started much too long ago before many of us were allowed in his life. True, we had no business getting involved to the extent we did when we were a part of life and I don't know what else to do except to keep repeating how sorry I am for my role in your and difficult child's problems. Stay well and take care of yourself. Tell difficult child to please think about his future and to remember that he can't do anything about what other people do or don't do and he alone is responsible for making something out of himself. I love you both, mom Now I didn't blame her for difficult child developing the initial problems and never have. Secondly, I never "disallowed" her or my bro from having a relationship with difficult child but after my bro kissed my son on the lips, tried to manipualte certain things with the GAL and filed for custody, I did stop that contact. With my mother, the judge was in agreement with me to start keeping that contact "monitored" and I did but never prevented or stopped a relationship. Anyway, I know my mother is toxic for me but I find myself back to the question of "is she intentionally trying to manipulate or is she just that clueless" in twisting my words and not getting that my issue is that she in fact did contribute to difficult child not being able to get any services thru dss, along with my bro who she instigated to get involved? Maybe it's one of those things that makes no difference- she's toxic to me and I need to deal with it as such. Otherwise it will only serve to lead me into talking to her more about it or fuming over it.