Manm today I'm ready to run from them all...

[Shari]

I love my ex in laws to death. But I'll be honest, the deal today stung. I really think it was exMIL not thinking things thru, and I will talk to her, and I have no doubt it will be ok. I really think it wasn't intentional.

Saturday night, we went to husband's sister's house because nephew was home. They got to talking about the night of the accident. husband called his parents to come help get the other kids and horses home while he went to the hospital in the ambulance with me. I knew that.

Now, I was not hysterical or crying. I had just talked a 12 year old thru putting on a touriquet. I called 911 and gave the operator directions. I told her there were 80 horses on the road, tell the responders no sirens. I asked husband about bleeding and he checked in for me. We were not hysterical thru this.

But after he called his mom, she turned around and called his sister, told her I had lost a lot of blood, was in critical condition, and she needed to get to the hospital now. I was transported as class 1 by nature if the accident, but at no point was I ever critical. And his mom swears up and down this is what she was told....this was what was going on. Ok. so anyway, hahaha.

So last night, I'm talking to easy child 1 and I tell him this info. He says thats funny, cause while he was loading up horses and kids and the buggy (husband's parent came to the wreck and got husband's dog. that's all.) he met them 4 times. I said how did you meet them 4 times? He said they followed him as he made the repeated trips to get everything and everyone picked up and delivered.

So, while Two Brooms has just told my sister in law to get to the ER now cause I'm dying, she's picked up husband's dog, and is watching my son take my step-daughter, her grand-daughter home, take home 2 loads of horses, and go back for a buggy in the road. If I'm dying, shouldn't my son be heading to the hospital??? If I'm dying, why are they following him around?

So then tonight, we had dinner with friends. The night of the accident came up again (apparently they had a great time in that waiting room. lol) My friend said husband's sister kept watching her watch....she was worried that it was taking too long cause her friend was making nephew gumbo and she didn't want him to miss it.

And then Two Brooms, who can't walk, refused a wheelchair as they moved the herd from waiting room to waiting room as I was shuffled thru different tests and surgeries. So while husband is supposed to hurry, she's hollering "wait for me".

And apparently when word came down that I was, overall, ok, other than I might lose a foot and would be needing several (at that time they were talking 8-10) more surgeries, Two Brooms began planning Thanksgiving dinner, which was to have been at my house on Tuesday, so that she could have it her house on Tuesday, since I wouldn't be cooking.

My God, I wish I didn't know any of this.

I think I have confirmation of where I stand in that family. Just wish I didn't feel like an outcast in the exInLaw's family today, as well....

 

[gcvmom]

Shari, I think you've always known that THAT woman's priorities are completely screwed up. The world revolves around her, don't you know that by now? I'm sorry they leave you feeling like a doormat. That should just make you more resolute to do only what is right for YOU and your own, and the rest of them can just lump it.

((((Hugs))))

 

[Shari]

Oh yeah, I knew it. Just didn't quite get the depth of her....oh, I dunno....BS.

I hope exMIL is free tomorrow so we can clear up today's deal...She's the one I really give a rat about in this. The other just iced the cake...I'd think in the presence of others, one would at least pretend to care. Guess not when you're a broom.

 

[gcvmom]

To prentend to care would mean she has the depth or sophistication or awareness that what she's doing is hurtful. And she's proven time and again she is no where near that evolved.

 

[Shari]

And she's proven time and again she is no where near that evolved.

"like"

 

[Mamaof5]

Reminds me of the times I was in hospital for things. Like the 10 weeks during the second pregnancy...I think my sister in law, mother, own husband, and other in laws visited a handful of times. Out of 10 weeks I'd say husband visited all of 2 weeks in total in the whole given time I was there in the hospital. I was on total hospitalized bed rest due to being 8 cm and 90% effaced from 24 weeks on. Might I add, she was born only 9 days early (big relief). My father didn't even visit that I recall at all for those 10 weeks. My mom, twice.

When my oldest was born and in NICU. My father visited his grandson all of once. That was to show him off to family I don't even have ties with anymore and expose him to colds, flus and what not. I was there EVERY DAY. Husband, every second day (better the first time around than the first I'll admit). When my youngest was in the NICU, was just me, hubby, my mom. Of course, me every day. Hubby every night (he got better at it).

*sigh* On both sides I am the black sheep, the ameoba, the one ignored. It doesn't help that I hate, hate my Evil sister in law. I can't stand being in the same town as her let alone the same room. Yes, I use the word hate very freely and do mean it. I guess I'm just trying to say you aren't the only one who gets treated like that. Sorry I hi-jacked your thread.

 

[Shari]

No hijacking taking place here....conversation morphing, I prefer to call it.

I didn't even think about visits. I don't think any of the in-laws came to visit at all, other than that first night (tho mother in law did make a jello I liked for me twice when I got home, at husband's request). My ex-in-laws stopped in pretty much every day. Heck...when husband took the kids to his mom's Thanksgiving dinner, he called the ex-in-law's to comes it with me as I was fresh out of surgery....he was gone all of an hour (he wasn't happy she still had it, but since the ex-in-law's could sit with me, he went ahead and went). (they live 15 minutes from the hospital, so he had to have done nothing more than rake in some food and leave. lol)

 

[DaisyFace]

Shari--

I think you need to come to terms with the fact that Two Brooms likely has a "difficult child Condition" of some kind....some kind of personality disorder...regardless of whether it's been officially diagnosed.

You need to come to terms, because right now, you are expecting her to be logical. You look for rational explanations for her actions. You seek to understand her reasoning and her motivation.

Well, I think you need to start looking at her in terms of "What would a full-blown difficult child do?"

And suddenly, the puzzle pieces fall into place...

click

click

click.

A difficult child is incapable of seeing the world through anyone else's point of view. There is no empathy. There is no setting aside her own concerns to think of someone else...there is only ME! ME! ME! ME!

Why wouldn't she plan Thanksgiving dinner while you were in the OR? I mean, you had clearly messed with her holiday plans....

And she wasn't about to let her stuff - dogs, buggies, horses etc - get lost just because you had an accident. She needed your son to help...he could visit you after all of HER stuff was safely put away.

ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!

Remember that next time you deal with her...

It will probably give you less frustration.

((((Hugs))))

 

[Shari]

Nothing she does makes any sense...I gave up on that long ago. She makes occassional attempts, but thats about it. I guess it was the....depth. The level of her inability to care...something. Not just her actions, but the family as a whole.

And the horses, buggy, etc? They aren't even remotely hers. Why they followed easy child 1 around is beyond all of us. But it seems to me it would take one pretty calloused person to do some of that stuff.

My frustration only comes from the ex-in-laws. I do care what they think and do.

 

[DammitJanet]

Shari...I think I sort of understand what you are feeling.

When I was in the hospital for 2 months, besides the support I got from you guys, no one actually gave a rats behind about me. Oh my therapist called me a few times, my Dad and step-mom came down and stayed for about half a day. One of Tony's friends said he was going to come see me one time but he was afraid it would upset me. (?!?) Tony and Billy were there almost every day if they could be with their work schedules. Tony more than anyone else.

Not a soul from anywhere else. I was utterly astounded that no one had bothered to even attempt to clean my house at all. I mean nothing. Basically even dishes that were in the sink when I left were still there. Trash and clothes were still there. Nothing at all had been done at all. Im glad no one had come from the hospital to see if the house was fit for me to come home to because they would have never let me go home.

No way I could have maneuvered even a walker in that house much less a wheel chair. I would have thought that knowing just how sick I still was, they would have banded together to get the place cleaned. Heck, Cory and Mandy werent working. Jamie and Billie had been here for 2 weeks waiting to see if I was going to pull through. How darned hard would it have been for able bodied folks to pitch in and at least get stuff that was trash out of here? Do the dishes, clean the kitchen, wash all the clothes and put them away? Really. No one even cleaned the bathrooms and I was in no shape to do any of those things. I couldnt stand up long enough to wash dishes or cook a meal for at least two months or more. I am still having trouble with that.

I walked in the door and almost lost it. Their answer? They were too busy visiting me. Ok, right. No one stayed with me 24/7. And even if Tony did, which I dont think he did, what about the others?

There was no excuse. I dont think I will ever forgive them for that.

 

[DaisyFace]

Nothing she does makes any sense...I gave up on that long ago. She makes occassional attempts, but thats about it. I guess it was the....depth. The level of her inability to care...something. Not just her actions, but the family as a whole.

And the horses, buggy, etc? They aren't even remotely hers. Why they followed easy child 1 around is beyond all of us. But it seems to me it would take one pretty calloused person to do some of that stuff.

My frustration only comes from the ex-in-laws. I do care what they think and do.

Shari--

I'm so sorry you are hurting over this...

It's probably the severity of the situation that shows the "depth" of this woman's problems.

I wonder about the in-laws? Is it possible that it's just human nature to think about "easier" things, like soup and turkey dinner, rather than focus on what was a very traumatic event?

I remember reading an account of a man who had found his wife horrifically murdered in the basement- and he was having such a hard time just processing everything, that he asked police investigators at the scene to be careful about messing up the laundry. He was very concerned about making a mess of the clean clothes his wife had been in the process of folding. It made no sense, but that was all his mind could think about at the time...

Is it possible that your loved ones experienced a bit of that, too? Easier to focus on normal things - rather than think about the un-thinkable?

 

[Shari]

I know there was some of that, Daisy. easy child 1's fiance said something, I guess, when it finally clicked in her head that I wouldn't be fixing dinner on Tuesday. But hers was just like you said, just that initial quirky "click".

I suppose it could be the same with the brooms, too, but it just doesn't seem that way. She made a lot of "she's dying" phone calls, but not a single "dying" action. And I'm bringing history into this, too, I know. When my dad died, she came to my mom's house and watched us, while taking inventory of their things. Not once did she say 'I'm sorry" or "can I do anything to help" in the THREE DAYS she spent there. She called her peers to tell them she was handling our chores because my dad died, but she never called anyone on our behalf...the saddle club, or anyone like that. But the kicker of all that is...for the next year, she HOUNDED us about the sale...we kept telling her my mom was staying on the farm, there wouldn't be a sale, but she just would not believe it. She wanted STUFF from my mom's house that she'd eyeballed while she was there. (that was the only time she's ever been to my parents' home, also. She'd only met them a couple times at kids birthdays or the wedding...)

And then a year or so after that, we cleaned things out of her crawl space that she bought at auctions 40 years ago. Every single item, she knew who's auction it came from and who she outbid to get it, and it was like a badge of honor to have taken what someone else wanted. In some cases, she called those people up after we dug it out and offered to let them buy the stuff, now 40 years later, at $10 more than she bought it for...she's just disturbing.

Then I watched her in action at an auction. Ex-brother in law's, actually. I watched her spend twice as much money as she claimed to have for the sole purpose of buying what ex-brother in law's aunt wanted to buy. And the 4 hour trip home confirmed, she hated them all, they were greedy little mongers. So you spend $400 on 2 dishes for this reason??? "But I WANTED them" she said, "and I get what I WANT"...

I've seen a lot of people who need to be the center of attention, but they usually lose that need at least when something truly dire comes along. Truly dire just seems to enhance this woman's need to be the center. Its just that depth of her that really gets me and that I didn't expect.

I think things are worked out now with the ex-in-laws now, tho. So my heart isn't as heavy.

And I was blessed with lots of visitors at the hospital. I didn't miss the brooms not coming, thats for sure.

(oh and another oddball PS - they went to their doctor and told him my injuries and were quite pleased to come home with medical terminology of what I'd had done...WHY?????)

I'm over it. She's a freak. And it runs clear down to the marrow of her bones. She knows how to be socially acceptable, because at times, she makes minor attempts, but largely, she's self serving. At least husband doesn't pretend she's not...

 

[AnnieO]

She knows how to be socially acceptable, because at times, she makes minor attempts, but largely, she's self serving.

Narcissism, in one sentence.

Hugs, sweetheart... I know just how annoying this can be...