Martial Arts- for self control and rages difficult child interested..!

Discussion in 'General Parenting Archives' started by -, Jan 24, 2001.

  1. Guest

    Hi Guys,
    Wanted to share so happy news. My difficult child has those outburst and rages and lots of teenage energy but dropped sports activities. Her and I talked last evening and she wants to enroll in karate! Well would like to take kick boxing but must be 18yr old. Anyway she has always been athletic and I thought this would be good and she agreed it would be good for self-control and I thought good discipline too. We are checking it out this evening and she wants me to be upfront with the instructor reason for taking lessons- I said great!! She has a mouth on her and can be a fighter with other kids if they provoke .. so what do you all think ? Watch out Chuck Norris .. lol here comes my difficult child and she might karate chop the rage right out of herself .. and then learn self control! Interject if you want or if anyone had experience with this sport or think it might help her!!
    Chow for now,

    mother/2 daughters
    15yr old dianosed b/p
    wife 20yrs/divorced/remarried
    1gsd male/1gsd female rescue 1rott/chow male
    favorite quote:" The
    greatest of a nation in
    it's moral progress can
    be judged by the way
    people treat their
    animals"... Gandhi
  2. Guest

    so glad to hear this!!! was considering putting both boys in this for self control as i had heard before it is excelent. as soon as they aer old enuf away they go!! thanks [​IMG] carol
  3. wits-end

    wits-end New Member

    Karate is a great control art. Congratulations? However, I must caution, my non difficult child child is in karate. The discipline is a must. Most instructors will not tolerate disrespect. She takes karate because she had bottomed out on her self esteem due to the constant belittling from her difficult child step-sister. Best of luck to you!
  4. dsaner

    dsaner New Member

    My son just started taking these classes in elementary school - just for six weeks. The instructor comes to the class. He definitely doesn't have the self-control for a "real" class, but I think this is good for them. The only concern I have is that he'll use it against ME!

    Dawn - 33 y/o single mom
    Matthew - 7 y/o ODD
  5. lynn

    lynn New Member

    Ok, my 5 1/2 yo takes Tae Kwon Do. She is awesome at it. She is learning to balance - she falls walking, ok, she is learning Korean (after first class she mastered the Language and terms), she is learning self confidence, self control, and that she can be good at something. Having adhd, this kid activity actually holds her attention and consentration. Now her Master and instructor know she had ADHD and ODD, they know we stress discipline and they are a little hard in this area on her than other cauz it is required at home too. She hates dance and other "girly" things.

    One thing about the Martial Arts is, it will help teach discpline. They are held responsible for their actions and words. My nephew also a difficult child takes Karate. Both stress if the kids use this discpline in an unappropriate manor (against anyone) they are banned from returning-basically they are kicked out.

    Good luck, it can be fun. Be upfront about any concerns you have.

    Lynn - bipolar, ODC, panic disorder on 60mg Paxil/0.50mg of Xanax off all medications currently due to pregnancy
    (can you say crazy)
    mother of 5 yr old difficult child Chelsea (girl) ADHD/ODD/Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)/Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) - possible bipolar on
    -currently off all medications. was helping ADHD but others were getting much worse.
    and 2 year old difficult child (girl) Abigail hyperactive (Now she knows how to have a temper tantrum) being evaluated
    married to husband (Sorva) - on Prozac (for depression)
  6. Guest

    my 11 yo difficult child is currently enrolled in Karate. We have passed the 3 month "trial" period, and he wants to continue. It has been great for him, gives him a place to kick that energy out. They are tough on the kids, the teachers expect them to follow all the rules, but this has been good. Gives him a place to "shine" and increases self-esteem. I was the one several years ago, that said "no way", I wouldn't let him take the classes, figured why give him ammunition? But it has been great for him. We made him choose a activity, he hasn't been interested in much of any thing for the last several years.
    Hope my opinion helps!
    Sue [​IMG]

    36 yr old frustrated, somewhat control freak mom
    11 yr old boy difficult child ADHD, concerta, zoloft
    9 yr old girl with-intense middle chld syndrome easy child
    4 yr old boy easy child gives me hope daily
    husband 13yrs also frustrated
  7. salehound

    salehound New Member

    My difficult child took Tae Kwan Do for a couple of years and he loved it. It really teaches self control. I don't know how many push-ups difficult child ended up doing for misbehavior, I lost count after about 200. [​IMG]

    And difficult child's instructor was great. When difficult child was getting a little big for his britches and thought he was hot stuff, his instructor put him into a sparring match with a higher belt level. difficult child would quickly get knocked on his butt and put his attitude back into the right perspective. [​IMG]

    9 y/o ADHD/ODD (medications concerta and wellbutrin)
    me 33 y/0 married 10 years diagnosis: ?? too much stress, need trip to Bahamas??
    husband: 30 y/o sergeant in Army (in infantry unit)
    easy child dog ~ chelsea
    difficult child cat with social anxiety disorder
    difficult child cat with schitzophrenic behavior
  8. Martie

    Martie Moderator

    There was an extended thread on Martial Arts last July but I don't think it was archived.

    The consensus seems to be that difficult child's who want to do Martial Arts can hold it together without raging for the instructor, show respect, bow, etc. etc. and no one knows exactly why.

    It tends to make one think: if he (or she) can do it there, why is this kid always going off everywhere else?

    I have no explanation except to report that MrNo will take his black belt in Tae Kwon Do in May. He has one exception: he does not break boards with his hands (duh) and uses only his feet for breaks. Otherwise he does fine, needs no exceptions and certainly has no behavior problems. In our school, one becomes an "adult" at 13 and MrNo was a little relunctant to enter adult classes (they are two hours long). But now he is doing fine--he was 13 last May.

    I wonder how he will write the paper that is require for the black belt test? He hates to write papers, at least at school.

    by the way, easy child has been a black belt for oer two years and it is the single activity my kids share. The school uses the Confucian rule of respect by the junior and help by the senior that applies to Martial Arts that helps my darlings get along in this one area. If the junior failed to show respect (in class) or even worse, the senior failed to help, there would be consequences from the sabanim (instructor), especially for easy child.

    There is research out there that indicates that kids who can not tolerate the physical jostling of sports without raging, benefit from TKD, so long as it is no-contact sparring. MrNo won't play any sport since KDG but he actually likes TKD a lot--as you can see by his belt level and aspirations. He has talked two of his friends into joining the class so I now drive 4 kids three times per week. Oh well.... driving two, might as well drive 4.

    Good luck to you all.

  9. Guest

    Us too, our difficult child takes karate lessons, she just recently started, for the self-control, self-esteem, etc. She LOVES it, matter of fact she will be promoted soon to a yellow belt from a white belt, she is very excited, she does very well. Also it helps because her easy child sisters DON'T take karate, so this makes her feel extra special. She comes home and tells them all about it. The only problem is it is a bit expenive, $275. for 3 months here in New Jersey, plus everytime she gets promoted to a new belt, it is $25. Oh well, what will we all pay for our difficult child, to help them!!!

    ME- Bethann 33, Prozac 20mg for PMS
    husband 34, Gastric By-pass Surgery Oct. 1999, lost 253 lbs. DOING GREAT
    Married 13 years
    3 daughters
    1st easy child 10
    2nd difficult child 8, ADHD, ritalin 10mg, am, 5mg, pm, shcool days only!!
    3RD easy child 6
    2 dogs, Mavis and Suzie
    1 cat, Toby
    2 guinea pigs, Misty & Mindy

  10. Guest

    My daughter took karate long enough to get her yellow belt, then started whining about having to go, so we dropped it. She learned enough to almost break by jaw at 12 with her mean kicks and put a worker in a group home in the hospital for a day. She never learned much self control out of it. Wish she would have.

    husband of 26 years, has not had a clue about difficult child until recently, but would not turn him in because I would not want to break in a newer model.
    easy child age 21-"home grown" doing well on his own in college and working as computer tech.
    difficult child age 16- foster child at 3 months, adopted age 3, born with affects of PCP. He's a "PUNK" and drummer in a Punk band, on probation for stealing liquor from a store when drunk.
    difficult child age 13, foster child at 3 and adopted at 6, been in therapy since age 4. Diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), ODD, ADHD, Syndenham's Chorea. Has been in 3 group home placements, failed. Hospitilized numerous times, recently for 3 months. Presently at Heritage School, Residential Treatment Center (RTC), in Utah for probably 2 years.
    Me? Age 47, medications for depression and anxiety, (I wonder why!) trying to make it till the younger two are grown without having a nervous breakdown.
  11. Guest

    My 7 year old son also takes karate. He does great in class.He treats the instructors and other students with great respect. He is totally focused and disiplined. He is very talented with the actual art of karate, often being held up to the rest of the class as an example by the sensei. He has even been asked to help with the instruction of some of the lesser belts.(He is a brown belt.)BUT, once he leaves the class all the disipline, focus and motivation leaves him. He refuses to practice. And he has started to use the moves he learned in class against us. At the first sign of a rage, he automatically goes into a left front stance and the backfists start flying. I guess what I'm saying is, try it, but beware. Hopefully, some of the focus and disipline will carry over into the home environment, BUT watch how the instructor counters each move because my guess is that you will need to know how to defend yourself against your difficult child's new skills. And, remember to keep alot of ice packs handy.

  12. Martie

    Martie Moderator

    In any reputable Martial Arts school, if you report misuse of the Art to the sensei or sabanim, the student will be reduced in rank OR removed from the school.

    All TKD students take an oath not to misuse TKD.

    I, for one, would not tolerate TKD being used inappropriately outside of class, and I am pretty tolerant of acting out behavior. Once easy child defended herself from a bully at school and I have seen her go into a backstance and raise her fists defensively in front of her face when she felt threatened.

    There is no way I could have a bb and a bb-to-be in the house together if they misused TKD. They are both strong, skilled and very fast. They fight (verbally) all the time but no one misuses TKD bec. I would take it directly to the sabanim.

    I know many of you are dealing with younger kids than mine, but just a suggestion: if you go with Martial Arts for a difficult child, go with the WHOLE program and report misuse and let the dojon (school) handle it. Those 7 year olds eventaully get bigger than you in most cases and you don't want to provide them with better means of aggression, but rather the self-confidence and self-esteem that allows them NOT to be physically aggressive.

    My easy child had the interest first--I don't know why--all her friends were taking ballet when she started at age 8 but TKD fits her personality and is culturally consonant for both my kids. difficult child takes TKD in the community in lieu of PE in school and that was his original motivation--the lesser of two evils--but now he likes and is motivated for TKD in its own right.

    Just a suggestion about nippping misuse EARLY on.

  13. Guest

    oh my gosh, my difficult child becoming a good fighter, terrifying thought. But, now you guys have me thinking I need to plunk my youngest easy child in. He's been beaten up by difficult child for so long, the confidence of knowing he can fight back would do wonders - for both of them. Sign me up!
  14. Guest

    Hi Guys,
    Great responses and support! We are going into this class with the idea of self-help,discipline and control. My difficult child wants to tell instructor upfront she has a problem-this is a good thing. Also difficult child will utilize this with discreation and if provoked. I have always taught my kids don't provoke a fight but don't take anything off anybody either-to stand up for your beliefs. Well my difficult child gets carried away with this when challenged.. and away we go! So I figure this is two-fold benenfit. Key is to follow through and be consistant. I always maintained if you start something complete it and if the next year you don't want to participate in same program -move on. It's hard to instill some of the objectives with how my difficult child is but we keep on trying [​IMG]

    mother/2 daughters
    15yr old dianosed b/p
    wife 20yrs/divorced/remarried
    1gsd male/1gsd female rescue 1rott/chow male
    favorite quote:" The
    greatest of a nation in
    it's moral progress can
    be judged by the way
    people treat their
    animals"... Gandhi
  15. Guest

    difficult child took it for a year, hated having to practice or sweat, enjoyed the fighting, then got suspended for 3 mos for punching another kid after class, then refused to go because teachers knew she was full of it and would not allow her to "rest" when she made every excuse to get out of the real workout aspect of it.
  16. Martie

    Martie Moderator


    Will you please archive this thread?

    It contains much of the same info as the one last July and will "come around again."


  17. Guest

    Just a suggestion, if you are going to put the child in any of these classes it would be good for you to also take these classes as a precaution on the outside chance they may use it against you.

    Both of my girls became very adept at street fighting, pugilists run in our family and we seem to be very good at this type of thing.

    I have my whole life long been a pacifist and prefer not to fight but to settle all disputes with words. I am also very feminine in appearance and choose to be so.

    However, when my daughters used their street moves on me, I took them down so fast they didn't know what hit them and put my knee across their throats and showed them who had the power to take who out.

    They are both bigger than I and yet to this day I can lift them both and immobilize them by getting them in a full-nelson hold, take them to the floor and wrap my body around them.

    My Mom taught me to wrestle and while it didn't appeal to me as a sport I would involve myself in, I did pay attention to the moves. I can also break a persons sternum with one hit (Not that I have done that nor would I) but I know how to do that.
    I can also snap a femur and cause grievous bodily harm. I choose not to.

    Just a warning for you all, get yourself in fighting shape, build some muscle and be prepared, you may need it.


    Ila - 40 never-mind, Faith, hope, love, these three things abide. The greatest of these is love
    Giuseppe -husband - 51, hot headed, short fused Italian married to me for 28+ yrs.
    Dominic - son 26 yo Hyper/easy child pride & joy, techie type person- good son /importthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
    Melissa Joy - difficult child 18,ADHD, ODD, CD, SAD,on 40mgs Paxil, Registerd in Youth Worker Program /importthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
    Dominique, (M's baby)3 yo Grandma's Precious Blessing from God!
    Val - easy child(?) - sometimes cleverly disguised as difficult child, but she keeps trying! /importthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif
    The sweetest fragrance is released when the flower petals are crushed.
    God is good all the time.