May I Rant About DSS And difficult child?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by TYLERFAN, Mar 13, 2007.


    TYLERFAN New Member

    Hi Family:

    So, I go to DSS to apply for child care assistance from them. The worker who saw me is lucky to still be breathing. :nonono: :grrr: She was almost inhuman making judgments about why my grandson was crying....(he never cries), asked me if I fed him and "did I have a bottle or something" to give him :grrr: She said SHE couldn't concentrate as the baby was crying. I wanted to tell her that Baby J must sense the same things about her as I did. I told her I had a degree , that I could get a good job and that all I wanted was child care. She proceeded to tell me how my difficult child will have to "come up with" 3 possible fathers.....even if she can't.....and that I should have a "serious talk" with my daughter about this :hypnosis: :hammer: Are They Kidding Me????????
    I left there and walked to the car crying. :nonono:
    Baby J has his first cold and that's why he was crying.
    These workers are getting good money and county jobs and benefits to treat people like dirt! This isn't my first experience with DSS but I was shocked at this woman's behavior! I want to report her, but I will wait till after I see the resolution of the case.
    She also told me that she wanted to make sure I wasn't making money off the baby! :warrior:

    And to top it off.....difficult child called and said she spent the night in the hospital.....thinks she is pregnant.....test came back negative......she thinks it's etopic......Shoot Me Now!!! :hypnosis:

    Thanks for listening.

  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive hugs. There are a bunch of donkey tails in the various parts of the system....and then, on occasion, you find a genuinely caring bright person.

    Tell Baby J that I have a cold (again!) and I know just how he
    feels! Misery loves company I hear.

    Re the next pregnancy possibility, if you don't DETACH Melissa
    you will end up following my lead and that is not the way to go.
  3. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Oh Melissa, how awful. I'm sure the DSS people have seen it all, but to treat recipients as though they are the scum of the earth is just horrible! The more I think about it, the madder I get.

    Maybe if you make some phone calls or send some emails, you can find someone who actually cares. I would definitely try going over her head, if that's possible.

    Hope she's not pregnant...etopic can be dangerous---I think she'd have to have emergency surgery if that's the case.
  4. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Hugs to you. People can be so heartless. Hope everything works out with DSS. Hoping difficult child is ok.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member


    Your treatment was horrible. I would have been fired if I had treated a client that way. However, I have had occasion to deal with New York DSS as a NC DSS case worker and they were completely rude to me too! So I dont think its just you...I just think they have rude workers.

    I will tell you that yes on the face of things your daughter should have to come up with a potential father...but there is a loophole. If she thinks the father is a product of rape or if the father is an abuser who may hurt her she can get around that rule. Just FYI.
  6. Merris

    Merris New Member

    She actually said she doesn't want you to make money off the baby? HELLOOO? What an idiot. That right there tells you she's a jerk. See what her recommendations are and if she's off base, report her. I would.

    difficult child should just take ownership of her problems and stop getting you involved (I am SUCH a hypocrite). There is no reason for her to tell you about this potential pregnancy. What are you supposed to do about it?!?!

    Sorry if I'm a hypocrite but you have been through so much I hate to see her put you through the wringer again.

  7. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    What is DSS? Is it the same as what we call DHS (Dept. of Human Services) out here in IL? Sure sounds like they recruit from the same pool. Sorry you had to go through talking to such an uncaring ... um, person. Hope you have better luck next time. Like DDD mentioned, there are some jewels in the sand.

    TYLERFAN New Member

    DSS is Dept. Of Social Services.(this being an oxymoron)
    Yes, they do recruit from the same pool it seems. This worker seemed so cavalier,like she knew what my life has been like....I am sure she couldn't have survived my life.
    To be sure, I will be watching to see what she does with my case.
    Thank you for your support.

  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Mellissa, I understand your frustration with DSS. they have a protochol they must follow. I do not think it was anything personal. As for the etopic pregnancy thing it would show up on a pregnancy test just the same as a normal uterine pregnancy. If her test was neg and it was done in the correct timeframe she most likely is not pregnant. If however the embro has died, and and more than a week has passed since it died, her harmone levels would have droped off and she might test neg when in reality there had been a pregnancy. If that pregnancy had been an etopic one she would be showing signs of infection already or if not very soon. -RM

    TYLERFAN New Member

    Thanks for that info RM

  11. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Melissa
    I agree with Wildcatsfan and can sure understand your frustration..."Walk a mile in my shoes" comes to mind.

    with hugs and care,
  12. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    pompus ^*&^*&%^ I am feeling your rage sister!
  13. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>Melissa, I feel your outrage. I am so sick of being treated like a thief. It's as if you are stealing from them when you ask about services and what is available. They have had me in tears more than once. It's always in frustration and disgust. It makes me feel like I'm groveling for the crumbs and they think we are scum because difficult child needs services. I hate it. I hated it before and they make it worse every time we call. difficult child is entitled to some back money but every time I bring it up, I get the attitude. I want to strangle them. It's not theirmoney and I'm not stealing from them. but they have their little bit of power over those in need.
    I have come to think that if difficult child isn't entitled to something then don't give it to him but if he is entitled then they better be darn sure they get it to him.

    Hang in there, Melissa. I know how they make me feel like a thief. I'm sure it's the same for you. </span>

    TYLERFAN New Member

    Yes Fran, they really have some attitudes down there. These are all civil servants, so they have total job security and really don't have to worry about being fired. I think they also enjoy the drama that a social services office in a lower class neighborhood sees. Where we have to go, it is't a slum , but it is a drug infested area a few towns away. These people for the most part are indigent single mothers. I would say that there are as many white people in this condition as there are people of color. All of the social workers are white. I think that when they see me and my bi-racial grandchild, they are making some judgments as well as when they see other single mothers/grandmothers.
    I told this woman, I am your equal and probably had more education than her. She didn't like that. I hated to have to do that, but she was so judgmental right from the git-go.

    Sorry for the rant, I'm off my soapbox now! :angel:

    Melissa :angel: