Maybe some progress?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tammyjh, Dec 23, 2007.

  1. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    When difficult child is upset about anything, no one can get near her or talk to her because it only makes her worse. She gets very verbal and can get quite physical with me and in the last 10 wks or so, she's either been really hyper/giddy or irritable on the edge of meltdowns. So, yesterday mother in law called and wanted to pick up the two middle kids(easy child's) for the night and I said yes, even though I knew difficult child would most likely go into a rage about it. When she found out they were going and she wasn't, she was very upset but didn't give the usual reaction. She cried loudly and she cried hard. She said how it was not fair and she felt left out. I sat with her and told her that no, it wasn't fair and that I knew she felt left out. I also told her that while she's on the verge of going into crisis about every other day, its not safe to let her go for overnights anywhere. I also told her that it can be scary for other people because they don't know what to do. Said it wasn't difficult child's fault that she has such a hard time controlling herself when she's angry but that we're working on it together. She said "I know." in a way that was like she almost really understood and was taking in what I was saying. Thats unusual for her because the norm for her when she's upset is to rage and not be able to focus on anything I'm saying or try to say. In fact, I usually don't try to say much until she's done raging but this was different....just the crying. easy child tried to talk to her a little and apologize that difficult child couldn't go and difficult child said "Its ok, I'll be ok" Another stunner because again, the norm is for her to lash out at anyone who is trying to talk her down from being upset....and usually with- lots of swearing and name calling. She finally finished crying and was ok and dealt with it fine. So, for almost 2 days, I've seen difficult child act more "normal" than I've seen for a long, long time. husband and I both acknowledged that she's been a little extra helpful and that we appreciate it and are proud of her. Of course she glowed for that. Then, this afternoon, as quickly as it started, she switched back to the hyper/giddy/irritible mode. So, it was nice while it lasted. I even wondered if she was coming down with something because she used to act kind of normal at the onset of fever. But she's not sick. I'm hoping that now that we've seen it once, it will happen again and become a pattern...maybe some rewiring is going on. If its the only time we see it, it was nice anyway.
    Just thought I would share.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    That really is good progress. Well done!

  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member



    This sounds like a big step for difficult child to me!! in my humble opinion, if they get to a point when they start realizing what's triggering bad feelings, and thus, reactions, in them, it's a big step to stopping "out-of-control" situations. I'm not so sure that we can expect them to get through that step and the step of handling things in a good way all at one time- this could take a while!! But, it sounds like difficult child is on her way!!


    Great job, Mom!!