Meltdown at school

[HaoZi]

Total meltdown at school this morning. Bad day for it, as we were short-handed at work and I'm already short on hours as it is. 47 minutes to get her to a more reasonable state (they timed it, and I picked her up an hour and a half ago, she's still not totally reasonable yet).

psychiatrist has steadfastly refused a referral to a neuropsychologist, as you all know. Just got off the phone with her insurance company, they're emailing me a list of providers somewhat nearby that can do the testing and I'm to tell them that THEY are referring her for testing. YAY!

Luckily she already had an appointment with her therapist scheduled for this afternoon, so one less phone call and emergency appointment I'll need to make.

And what, pray tell, brought on this meltdown? She was angry that she "didn't do well on her pre-assessment tests." i.e. she didn't have everything mastered. These are things that have mostly NOT been introduced to her previously (and was therefore not expected to know), AND she did better than most kids in her class. She says the other kids think she is stupid because of this. (Can you say distorted thought process?) It's not exactly like failing the SATs, geeze.

 

[Jena]

i'm so sorry i remember those a.m.s trying to rush to work difficult child melting down ea and everyday it was enough to drive me insane. eventually i quit, i couldnt' hack it. maybe she's anxious too with holiday? i don't know taking guesses here.

i know my kid is alot more irritable around this time of year. she wakes up so nasty and mean, takes hours till she calms down and than i'm like ok get away from me lol. did the other kids say anything to her? do they ever pick on her at all besides this testing thing?

you seem to be handling it very well by the way, super calm and even laughing good for you!!!

 

[shellyd67]

Nothing like a meltdown in the morning. You sound like you handled it quite well. Most mornings my blood pressure is sky high because difficult child will not get out of bed until the very last second. He does it as a control thing. He can drive me nuts that kid ! Hope tomorrow goes better HaoZi !

 

[HaoZi]

I doubt any of the kids said anything to her at all. She simply felt she failed and that everyone expected her to be "perfect" and she projects that. Horrible timing, but I'm glad it should be able to get us in for the testing she desperately needs. I feel really bad leaving work like that, the Q.A. auditor was there, but I'm also kinda glad I escaped, I hate being there when the "big dawgs" are around, lol.
She was a little moody and whiny this morning, but nothing that I would have foreseen leading to this kind of meltdown, just the usual kid stuff, not even difficult child stuff.

 

[HaoZi]

Ok, seriously? Just heard back from the first place on the list. They *still* don't want to see her without a doctor's referral. (!!!) They're calling her pediatrician (the one that gave a referral for genetic testing but also thought she didn't need this) to see if he'll do it.
*headdesk* *repeat*

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm sorry it's such a struggle to get a referral for a neuropsychologist. It shouldn't have to be so difficult! I missed why your psychiatrist is refusing to refer? Hugs to you!

 

[HaoZi]

He doesn't think she needs a specialist. (insert eyeroll here)
After 5 here, so obviously not going to hear from that doctor's office today. He's the one the school recommended, but if I don't hear something tomorrow I'll be calling the next one on the list.

 

[HaoZi]

No response from that one thus far, so I called the one our pharmacist recommended and she now has an appointment late next month with her. YAY!

 

[confuzzled]

glad to hear you got an appointment.

i just wanted to comment a bit on the school meltdown.

i'm sure you are right that no one said (she's stupid, she failed, insert whatever negativity you'd like here). but i did want to say you might be astounded at the pressure the schools put on these kids to "pass the test". for someone with high anxiety and impossible perfectionism it can become the perfect storm--it really is a pressure cooker environment. its pathetic really.

if her coping skills arent the best, and her perception is that she didnt do well, it kind of follows that it might be tough for her.

and the particular kind of "pre-assessment" test is the biggest offender of all. *OF COURSE* she wont have mastered everything, but in *HER MIND* its a test, and she should know the answers, and shes just "stupid" because she doesnt. she seemingly over-reacted, but i think if put yourself in her shoes and see it from her perspective (not an adult perspective) its a bit easier to understand. and if i had to guess, the teacher wasnt exactly clear on what this test was about--on a good day they might allude to the fact that kids won't know the answers...but chances are, not too big of a deal was made over that point.

i'm certainly not saying she should have meltdowns--but i really empathize with her, and honestly she's not the only kid who's thought like that.

but i know its frustrating from a grown-up standpoint :-D

 

[HaoZi]

It's not her first pre-assessment test by any means, kiddo knows what it's about. She does feel pressured because she's smart in many ways and doesn't "apply herself" to situations where she *can* do it. I know she also has major anxiety build-up right now with the holidays, and her current medication isn't holding that like the previous one did (as evidenced by her chewing on her fingers again). It's just disappointing that it takes something like this to finally get in to the evaluation we've been asking for for months, and still had to bypass the doctor to do it. In her more rational times kiddo knows that she is expected to do her best not be the best, and gets the difference between them. It just adds so much stress to the home situation because I'm losing so much work time right now between things like this, appointments, weather cancellations for school, etc.
Her disappointment in her scores doesn't excuse her throwing chairs at the staff, though. *sigh*

 

[susiestar]

I agree with confuzzled that you may be very unaware of the pressure that isput onto kids for these "preassessment" tests. How many of us were ABLE to understand as kids that we had to take tests that we were not supposed to be able to pass? Often the degree of pressure varies dramatically between teachers and also between schools. I know of one school that is divided into several smaller "schools" because they serve over 600 kids in each grade. In the "academic" group many of the kids (high school age) were not aware that they were not supposed to pass these pretests. Other kids in the school on vocational tracks did not seem to be as pressured because they were given totally different expectations for the exact same tests.

When you add in the incredibly high error rates of many of the standardized tests, and each child's personal expectations, it can be a really awful experience. Though you say she has taken them before and knows the drill, would you have believed someone who told you that you had to take a big long test but you were not supposed to get a "good grade" or pass the test? If she has heard that before but been able to finish the tests or get good scores on them, she may truly not understand what is expected.

I took all the standardized tests in high school. It was very rare that I did not finish each section - and I would NEVER have believed anyone who told me that teachers took a big part of a day or week to give us tests so we could "fail" them. And my father had a masters in education and made me read many of the textbooks that were required reading for his masters. NO WAY would I have "bought" that I was not supposed to do very well and get the best possible scores.

FYI - you do NO favors by making a teen read books about how to teach, write tests, etc... The teen's teachers will NOT NOT NOT appreciate it!!! Esp if the student is right about any criticisms of the school/teachers/books/tests! NO favors at all. LOL!!! My dad knew my trig teacher and she let us both know that several of my teachers were NOT happy, esp when I brought textbooks on education to school to help explain why what we were experiencing was NOT helping us. NO ONE is as self righteous as a teen with this kind of info in her head!!!

 

[HaoZi]

She does but doesn't get placement tests (if that makes sense). Trying to talk to her about it puts her in that vapor lock agitated state, though. She's been doing them since kindergarten, they're not the first ones she's done with this year's teacher, either. She's getting bumped on her Abilify, but I still think it's not going to hold her anxieties down like the Zyprexa did. Hopefully we'll start getting some answers and new ways to help her soon, but no matter how much I reassure her that she is loved and intelligent whatever her test scores, it's a touchy subject for her. That I get, I hated talking about my grades when they were bad, too. The new testing standards make almost all the kids more nervous, since it's not just multiple choice anymore, sometimes there's a question where you have to explain how you got your answer, too.