mindset of an addict

[hearthope]

Just wanted to share my thoughts on this....

I shared on another thread about my friend that relasped and I wanted to give insight into our conversations since then. Maybe someone else is dealing with this and can share insight as well.

arrested thur night.
called fri. morn ~ she seemed shocked. Like the last thing she ever dreamed of happening happened. Making "crazy" plans to "fix" this problem
called sun. ~ Child services has taken custody away from her and her boys are in her mom's temp. custody ~ very matter of fact stated she will be able to "see" them if mom has them. NO remorse
called mon ~ Stated she will enter program (out-patient) her reason ~ to make it look good when she goes to court
called wed ~ she thinks she will get jail time, SO SHE IS GOING TO ENJOY HER FREE TIME WHILE SHE HAS IT. She said no drugs, but is going out with same crowd.

She has attended meetings but when asked if she has an intake date for program, SHE HASN"T CALLED YET

Not one time has it entered her mind what her little boys are thinking and how this is affecting them.
Everything is me,me,me.

I am dealing with my difficult child at home now and this relaspe of her's has seemed to give me a different insight into his thought pattern.

She very matter of factly thinks she will somehow hire a lawyer and get this all taken care of. She has no means to do this. Her mom has taken her car she was paying for back.
She is using the term one day at a time, but she is spending her days concerned only about herself and making very unstable decisions to fix her problems.

She keeps making the statement "But it is like that whole week didn't happen, now that I am clean"

She seems to have depersonalized (for lack of a better word) the whole incident.

Just wanted to share. The whole thing has made me look back at dealings with my difficult child that left me clueless. Now listening to her I somewhat understand some of the things he has said and done in the past.

Drug use affects so many people, regardless if they are the user or the loved one.

It is such a sad situation for all involved

 

[hearthope]

Need to add one more fact...

She and I met at work and fast became best friends.

She moved back to her homestate.

we always kept in touch.

She married, had a child, and opened her own pet salon.

When asked how she started drug use she shared with me that she was trying to figure out if she could make it if she got divorced. She had some employee turn over at the shop and hired new help that she was having problems with and her child had been sick for two days and she hadn't had any rest.

Her new help offered her "powder". promises of feeling fully rested and able to perform at max speed to get all the work done.
She said no. But secretly wondered if it would help.
She asked more questions about the powder and was told she couldn't get addicted, it was just powder. She wouldn't care about what her husband was doing and she would feel good instead of run down and stressed out.

She did it.

It led to yrs of addiction, loss of her home,shop, marriage, kids

 

[timer lady]

I've learned that addition & recovery of that addiction is a very self centered place to be.

The very premise of addiction being that there is nothing more important than the user's drug of choice.

What a sad place to be. It would seem to be a very lonely place if the user wasn't self medicating themselves.

 

[Fran]

<span style='font-size: 11pt'>It's an unfortunate situation when drugs steals the soul out of a person. I hope the babies get love and nurturing from grandmother. </span>

 

[Sunlight]

sad/ I now have a 38 yr old nephew who started cocaine two yrs ago. he was depressed, someone offered it. he has lost his home, numerous jobs and is hanging by a thread.
it kills the mind as well as the body.

 

[hearthope]

I agree it kills the mind. I don't know what point it is they come to that makes the change.
My son is 18 and to my knowledge he used for less than a yr. He still seems to have the same mind set.
My friend is almost 40, she has used on and off for the last ten yrs. Her mind has been altered. She can not hold the same conversations that she was once capable of.
She is also not capable of setting goals and reaching them.

She has made the statement that addicts think they don't deserve a good life. I took that to mean from all the pain they have caused others. Of course with the me,me,me attitude I am not sure that would be the reason.

Maybe it is just too much trouble to start all over again. She had worked so hard so many years to get where she was in life and it has all escaped her. Maybe the easiest thing to do is to continue not worrying about anything and stay high

 

[ScentofCedar]

Drug addiction DOES steal the life out of you.

The last thing in the world I ever expected was that our difficult child would be living as he is ~ and that, when that happened, husband and I would consider the fact that he paid his own rent a success story.

Or that I would ever have become a mother who had given up on her son.

I would never have believed that any of these things could happen to me, and to my family.

But they did.

Barbara

 

[lovemysons]

Hi Hearthope,

Hopefully someday your friend will be in the position to share her experience strength and hope with the alcoholic/addict that still suffers...along with all those whose lives are touched by the alcoholic/addict.

I heard someone say that the spiritual disease of addiction contributes to harming at least 7 people around the addict. That really hits home to me when I hear that "Dallas doesn't have a crime problem but a drug addiction problem" etc. It makes sense. How many ER's are filled with anguish as a result of addiction? How many families are destroyed? How many innocent victims? How many parents are financially or physicically stressed to the point of ruin? It takes it's toll on everyone in society.

It is the very reason that my love cannot "fix" my addicted sons. It is the very reason that natural consequences that allow the addict to drop to their knees and finally say, "G-d please help me" are so necessary. But I have to...absolutely must, get out of the way. If I make it about "Me" I play the role of G-d. I am acting the same...and they will keep looking in the wrong places. All will disappoint to the bitter end...Unless.

The addict likes to run the show. They will use People Places and Things to get their "fix"...EVEN a mother's love or a dear and faithful friend...it is ingrained. And one drink/drug too many and all they can have never enough. It is a very sad state to exist in these extremes...there is help though, I hope your friend gets willing enough to reach out and accept it. If she is able to be helpless and hopeless enough...her children may assist her in having reason to get to that seemingly awful yet truly loving place of Despair.


hugs,
lovemysons

 

[totoro]

Your friend sounds like my Father and Brother... to a degree, the selfishness of an addict is unbelievable...me me me is so true.

I watched my Father get locked up for months as well as put under a year of house arrest, he would disappear for days all through my highschool years, (I only lived with him from 13-17) During that time I am amazed at the attitude he had concerning his rights to do what he wanted. If somebady in the house didn't like, "they could get the f' out!" His way of dealing with things was to give his girlfriend and me and my friends drugs and alcohol also...
This is after years of trying to get over his heroin addictions and being in prison for that as well...

Now I watch my brother through the years do the same kind of junk!!! Drinking, drugs. Blaming everyone else... when his girlfriend tries to leave him he just says oh well, what can I do, she is so angry and I don't get it. Looks like she is taking the kids and going... No sadness no trying for the kids. Of course he takes her back, with no promise of change...

I haven't talked to either one in a long time because they are so selfish and only think of themselves...

It is always rehab and then well I can have a drink, or two or six... I have heard from my brother that my father is back to doing drugs as well as drinking again.

I hope your friend learns and finds a good path for herself...
I think it is too late for my father and I...
Maybe her children have a chance with their Mommy.